“I’ve been thinking,” I tell him. We’ve showered, and since I was already late to my morning class, we decided to play hooky and spend the day together in bed. We’re lying in said bed with my head on Ashton’s chest, while he plays with my hair. We’re watching reruns of an old show, but I’m not really paying attention. I have too much on my mind.
“Oh, yeah,” he says, “about what?”
“This weekend…” Ashton’s fingers still. “I really liked what we did.”
He releases a harsh breath, but doesn’t say anything.
“Did you”—I glance up at him—“like what we did?”
I know he did, but I need him to admit it out loud.
“I like anything we do,” he says. “You know that. I’ll take you any way I can get you.” He dips down and kisses my forehead.
“But did you enjoy being with Brayden… and Drew?” Technically he wasn’t with Drew—I was—but for me, we were all together.
“I enjoyed watching Drew fuck you,” he says, ignoring the part about Brayden fucking him.
I sit up so I can face him. “Why can’t you admit you liked what happened?”
He sits up straighter, a pained expression marring his features. “I told you I like anything that happens with you.” His hands grip the curves of my hips and he tugs me onto his lap.
“What if I wanted the four of us to be together again?” I ask, throwing it out there.
His eyes widen slightly. “I’ll do whatever you want. As long as it makes you happy.”
I sigh and wrap my arms around his neck, hating how insecure he is about us. I know it’s because he hurt me in the past and he’s afraid of doing it again, but I have faith in him, and I wish he would too.
“Would it make you happy being with them again?” I push. “And don’t give me another bullshit answer about me being happy.”
He swallows thickly. “Why are you doing this, MiMi?” He tightens his grip on my hips. “I’m happy just being with you.”
“Because I love you,” I tell him. “Enough to admit that you need more than just me… I saw the look on your face when Brayden was fucking you. You missed that…”
“So, we’ll get a dildo and you can ram it into my ass,” he bites out.
“That wouldn’t be the same and you know it. The connection wouldn’t be the same.” I frame his face with my hands. “What the four of us share is different. It doesn’t lessen or cheapen what you and I have. It adds to it. If you tell me you honestly don’t want to be with Drew and Brayden ever again, then I’ll drop it, but I think you know what I’m talking about. I think you feel what I feel.”
Ashton’s Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. “How would this work?”
“I was actually looking it up online,” I admit sheepishly. “On the way home yesterday while you were sleeping. There’s a name for when multiple people are in a relationship… Polyamorous. The four of us could be together, in a relationship.”
Ashton stares at me for several seconds before he speaks. “I’ll do whatever you want, MiMi. Always. On one condition… No matter what happens, I never lose you.”
“You’re never going to lose me,” I promise him.“A poly-what?” Brayden asks from the couch next to Drew.
“Polyamorous,” I repeat. When Drew and Brayden got home from their afternoon practice, I asked if we could all talk. I explained my thoughts about the four of us being together and I think I shocked them stupid.
“And not just sexual?” Drew asks. “But together… in a relationship?”
“That’s right,” Ashton says, tightening his hold on me. Once I showed him all the blogs where people are happily in polyamorous relationships, he seemed to ease into the idea more. “The four of us would be together in every way.”
“And you’re on board with this?” Drew eyes Ashton, knowing how protective he is of me. “You’re okay with me coming home and fucking your girl.”
“She would be our girl,” Ashton says. “Just like you would be mine, and I would be Bray’s.” The guys both nod in thought.
“Growing up, I always felt like something was missing,” I tell the three of them. “I didn’t know it at the time, but I was craving love and affection… attention.” This is something I haven’t even admitted to Ashton. I needed to know how he felt first and I didn’t want to guilt him into it. “All the things my parents didn’t have the desire to give me.”
Drew’s jaw ticks in anger, and Brayden’s hands form fists. “I’m not telling you this for you to feel sorry for me or be mad on my behalf. I’m telling you so you understand where I’m coming from. Each of you, in your own way, fills the voids my parents left behind. When I’m with you guys, I feel so full of love… I feel wanted and desired.”