She looks down at her plate. Her long golden tresses fall over one shoulder. Again, I can’t seem to stop this need to touch her as she cuts her steak.
“And if you finish all your food, I have a surprise for you,” I tease, caressing the softness with my fingers. She stops eating for a moment and cocks her head. I wink and pop a sautéed carrot in my mouth. Her eyes drop to my mouth as I chew.
I chuckle and dig into my dinner. She gives me one of those smiles that goes straight to my chest then travels down to my cock. I sense her excitement and reach down into my boot to pull out the knife, setting it in front of her. She puts down her bread and her fingers glide over the knife stroking the wooden handle that sports the exact brand that’s on her neck.
“It was my grandfather’s.” I lean back. “He brought it back with him from Vietnam.”
Her big blue eyes focus on me. “This has sentimental value. Why would you give it to me?”
I lean over and start eating again.
“Jason?”
“Trust me… he would love for you to have it. He had a weakness for blondes with long legs.”
She shakes her head and starts eating again. “You confuse me.”
I take the last bite of steak and push the plate back. “He’s the one who started the Disciples—well he and some other buddies. All they wanted to do was ride their bikes and do drugs. It wasn’t until my dad came along that he figured out how much money he could make selling weed.” Swirling my glass in front of me, I take a deep sip. “Then one day, my buddy and I were messing around in my dad’s basement. Both of us thought we were the shit and we created a drug.”
“And…?”
“It changed everything. It wasn’t like crystal and it wasn’t X, although the high you could get was better.” As soon as my dad found us and the drug… it took us to a different league. The demons I keep at bay are there wanting to come out tonight. Or maybe I want her to truly know me.
“Jason? I’m here for you. You can trust me.”
My eyes scan her face. The turmoil that is my life merges with the shit that is her life. I take another swig of whiskey, my eyes holding hers. I see that day so clearly. It was years ago, but if I close my eyes I can feel the sting of the rain hitting me in the face as a member of the military police informed me. Her hand touches my cheek making me blink and look away.
“Please don’t shut me out,” she whispers, causing me to look at her.
“My brother and old man died in that explosion. I didn’t blame myself. They knew what they were doing.” I reach for her hand. “I have a cousin, David. We were close. We’re the same age. Fuck, babe, you don’t want this shit.” My eyes dart to the window. The inky blackness outside makes me pull away.
“Hey.” Both her hands are on my face. Her blue eyes are pooled with tears but her voice is strong. “I want to hear and know everything about you.”
Jesus Christ, I should not have gone here. I’m breaking my code, letting her in. My demons spill out like a child with a secret. “David had a girlfriend and a daughter. A fucking little girl with gold curls and she was with them when the explosion happened.”
The truth fills the room. Eight years of agony has just been aired. This time I can’t sit still. I don’t want to see her face, so I lean my forehead against the cool window. Like the grim reaper, my past is coming to take me down.
“In one day, I lost them all—even the baby girl.” My voice is gruff. I feel her hand on my back and don’t give a shit. Right now, she’s all I need. I turn and jerk her into my arms and bury my face in her hair and breathe.
“It’s not your fault. Accidents happen. You’re not to blame.” She kisses my forehead, my cheeks; her hot tears drift onto me as I taste sorrow.
Lifting my head, I say, “That’s where you’re wrong. The day that baby girl died was the day I changed.”
She shakes her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “You weren’t even there.”
I pull back, suddenly disgusted at my weakness for letting this come out. “You don’t get it?” My voice makes me sound like an ass. “I’m the one who created the drug. The lab blew up, and no one knows how or why. But it sure as fuck had to do with my drug. Of that I can guarantee you.” I’m done. I need to leave, sleep on one of the downstairs couches.