I start laughing and once it starts, it doesn’t stop.
“Christ,” he snarls. “Jason, dude, give me a minute.”
I have to cover my mouth because if I want to get him to listen, I have to at least be able to talk.
“What’s wrong with you?” he hisses.
“I need to talk. I have something to tell you.”
“Are you fine?” He says it like I’m an idiot, which dissolves my laughter real quick.
“Yes, are you at the clubhouse?”
Again, silence other than the sound of him inhaling a cigarette. “I am but your dad is here. Trust me, don’t show up. I’ll try to get done early. Leave your window open.” I almost say I leave it open every night, though he doesn’t seem to feel the need to come through it anymore.
“Are you fucking around on me?” I freeze. I did not plan to say that. It slipped out. Sometimes I have no filter. Make that most of the time. The only person who never takes offense to it is Edge, but if his silence on the line is any indication, he might have taken offense.
“You really want to do this, huh?” It’s loud and bitter and my heart is beating so fast it seems as if it’s going to explode.
“Are you? It’s a simple question.” Jesus, I don’t even recognize my voice.
“Go to practice. Say hi to the cunts for me.” And before I can say anything else, the line is dead.
“Hello?” I screech, but there’s no one on the phone. How is this possible? No way did Edge hang up on me.
“What’s happening?” I put my hand on my clammy forehead and take a breath. I’m either going to pass out or throw up. My eyes dart around and I run.
The fluorescent lights in the deserted hallway cast a gloomy yellow and all I hear is my labored breathing and the tapping of my shoes as they hit the floor.
Shoving open the heavy metal door, I bolt down the stairs and stop as I try to catch my breath and pull myself together. I need to think, not lose it. The cool air seems to help my flushed cheeks and a pain I’ve never felt slowly disappears. I glance up at the sky and try to calm myself. It’s already getting dark and it’s not even four thirty yet.
He didn’t deny it. He only said don’t come. My chest burns as if a dragon has been awakened and burned a hole inside my heart.
Something’s wrong. If he thinks I’m not going to find out, he doesn’t know me as well as he thinks.
In this split second, I make my decision.
This is fucking absurd. I need to know.
For better or worse, by the end of tonight, at least it will be done.
I pull my hair off my sweaty neck as I take in the almost-deserted school parking lot save but a few cars and some bicycles. I’m going to do the one thing I swore I would never do. I’m going to spy on him… catch, confront, whatever you want to call it. It’s all so overwhelming I’m becoming borderline obsessed.
Instead of giving in to my need to call him back and tell him off, I push on the one number of the person I know won’t judge me. The one person who has done the very thing I’m about to do numerous times.
I should feel ashamed. After all, I’ve criticized her my whole life. But I do it anyway.
I call my mother.DOLLY
Seventeen years oldAs soon as I shut the door to my mom’s Jeep Cherokee, I instantly start to question what I’m doing.
“Okay.” My mom lifts her hand from the steering wheel. “You need to understand that what you’re about to find out is going to be painful. But with pain comes strength and that’s what you need if you want to marry a Disciple.” She nods at me, her eyes taking in my appearance, which is more than likely awful since I had a small breakdown in a corner of the athletics building and in the parking lot waiting for her to pick me up. “You’re being smart. Always get proof.”
“What?” I bounce my leg as she speeds toward the compound.
“Dolly.” I jump, and she frowns but keeps talking. “Listen to me on all of this. There are signs, red flags. If you want Edge, you need to either look away or do something about it. How do you think I’ve kept your father for all these years?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say “You don’t.” My dad has another house. A way newer, nicer house where he keeps his latest whore. But why bring this up? She’s talking so fast all I can do is nod and try to breathe.
“Dolly?” She taps the steering wheel and my eyes zero in on her black nail polish. “Now is not the time for dramatics. Focus.” She slaps the wheel again and if I wasn’t in such a state, I’d probably laugh. Instead, I have to bite down on my bottom lip not to cry.