The man cleared his throat. “For two people who didn’t memorize anything, I would say you did pretty well. Best unintentional vows I’ve ever heard.”
We got a good laugh out of that.
“Do we have rings?”
“Yes.” Damien reached into his pocket, taking out a white gold hammered band and a large round diamond that had to have been at least two carats. The stone sat atop an eternity band of smaller diamonds. My eyes practically popped out of their sockets. That ring must have cost tens of thousands of dollars.
“Oh, my God, Damien…” I mouthed.
Damien repeated after the officiant, “I give this ring in pledge of my love and devotion. With this ring, I thee wed.” He placed the ring on my finger, and it fit perfectly.
I repeated the same words and slid the thick band onto his hand.
“By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
Damien lifted me into a kiss and whispered over my mouth, “You’re my wife, Chelsea Hennessey.”
“I love that name. It actually rhymes.”
“Chelsea Hennessey. It does have a nice ring to it. Chelsea Hennessey…got married by the sea. And the lucky bastard is me.”
“You’re a poet now? You have too much talent for one man.”
“I plan to show you many talents tonight, wife. By the way…” His eyes traveled down the length of my body. “That has got to be the sexiest wedding dress on the freaking planet. I’m gonna take scissors to all of your dresses and cut four slits into them just like that.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time you cut my clothing into pieces.”
“Clothing on a body like yours is a sin.”
“Speaking of which…I’m not wearing underwear.”
“Fuck. Really?”
“Yes, you’re rubbing off on me.”
“Rubbing one off on you…later…for sure.”
“I married a dirty, dirty man.”
“I married a little perv.” He kissed me hard.
I stretched my fingers out. “Can we discuss this ring?”
“Do you like it?”
“It’s perfection, but did you sell the building or something to pay for it? It’s huge.”
“Well, see, I read something in this wedding etiquette article that the size of the ring should be directly proportional to the groom’s cock size, so…”
“Ah…that explains it.” Wrapping my arms around his neck, I could see the reflection of the flames in his eyes. “Seriously, it’s the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. It had to have cost a fortune.”
“Like you always say, I do everything big. I love you big. The ring should reflect that, if the person can afford it. I can’t think of a better thing to spend some money on.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. No ring in the world could repay you for what you’ve given me and for agreeing to marry me.” His mouth curved into a smile. “Are you ready for our reception?”
“Is there a reception?”
“Yes. The dogs don’t know the chicken dance, so there will be none of that, but I brought dinner catered by Mama Rocco’s. I figured we could eat here on the beach under the torches. I also booked us a room at a resort on the mountaintop a few miles away. The driver, Gary, is gonna come back after he drops off the dogs and clean up after us, so we won’t have to worry about any of that. I basically hired him for the night.”
“You really have everything figured out.”
“I haven’t figured out how to get you out of that dress and fuck you on this sand without getting arrested. Seriously, I can’t wait to get back to the hotel.”
Remembering my promise to my sister, I said, “Oh, I promised Jade we’d take a picture.”
“Gary will do it. He snapped a bunch during the ceremony, too.” He waved Gary over. “You mind taking some pictures of us?”
Activating the flash, Gary took several snapshots of us with the torches as a backdrop.
“Thanks, man.”
When our pseudo photographer was out of earshot, I asked, “Who is that guy anyway?”
“Gary? He’s the new tenant downstairs. Nice guy. He couldn’t pay his rent, so I told him if he worked for me all day today, I’d let it slide just for this month only. He’s at our beck and call.”
“Well, that’s win-win, I guess.”
The dogs sat by us throughout our picnic-style dinner atop a blanket before Gary left to take them back to Jenna’s, leaving Damien and me alone under the stars.
We couldn’t have asked for a better night.***Damien carried me over the threshold as we entered our suite at the mountaintop retreat, which overlooked Monterey Bay and the Santa Cruz mountains. He’d arranged for a massive bottle of champagne to be sent to the room, and there were rose petals scattered throughout.
“How on Earth did you find the time to do this?”
“Gary really earned his rent today.” He grinned.
“I should have known.”
“I wanted this day to feel as much like a real wedding night as possible.”