Hate Notes - Page 62
I ripped myself away from her in one last-ditch effort to stop from making a huge mistake that I’d never recover from.
With the back of my hand, I wiped her saliva off my lips, not because I didn’t want it there. Just the opposite. My hand was shaking.
Covering her breasts and looking humiliated, Charlotte bent down to pick up her bra, then put it back on. She looked more upset than I’d probably ever seen her. I couldn’t blame her. I was sure none of this made any sense to her.
Her eyes were glistening as she shouted, “Go!”
“I can’t.”
“What?”
“I can’t leave you when you’re upset like this.”
“Fuck you, Eastwood,” she huffed before making her way over to the bed. Charlotte buried her face in her pillow. I couldn’t tell if she was crying or simply in the midst of passing out. It was likely that she might not even remember this exchange tomorrow. At least, I hoped she didn’t.
Standing there like a dumbass with my hands in my pockets, I watched her lying on her stomach.
After a few minutes, I moved and sat on the edge of her bed, then eventually kicked my feet up. The room was spinning a little. Turning to her, I watched as she continued to lie there, her face buried in her pillow, her breathing still heavy.
Speaking softly, I said, “Charlotte. What am I gonna do with you?”
My eyes fell to her half-naked ass, my dick still perpetually hard. My balls ached.
“I know none of this makes any sense.” I started to open up, knowing she likely wasn’t going to process it. “I’m so sorry to have hurt you. I don’t know how to be around you anymore. Don’t mistake my apprehension for lack of interest. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite, a constant battle. The truth is, I’ve been fighting my feelings for you for a very long time. And it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I know with one hundred percent certainty that I am not the right man for you. You’re a dreamer, Charlotte. The biggest dreamer of them all. And you deserve to be with someone who won’t ever hold you back in life.”
Closing my eyes, I let out a deep breath. “I’m trying so hard to do the right thing here. If I slip and let myself have you, I’m never going to want to let you go. And that wouldn’t be fair. I dream of what it would be like to get fully lost in you, to not have any cares in the world. God, you’d probably want to have me arrested if you knew all the things I’ve done to you in my head. I want to do crazy fucking things to you. It’s all so close that I can taste it, but in reality, it’s so far away. Anyway, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you tonight. You deserve better. You deserve the world. And you’re gonna make some lucky bastard the happiest man on the planet someday.” My chest constricted at the thought. The idea of Charlotte with another man made me feel physically ill. But I couldn’t have her, and I needed to learn how to let her go.
Her breathing had slowed. I was pretty sure she was out. I wanted nothing more than to nestle my face in her hair, to breathe her in until I lost consciousness. Instead, I compromised. Fluffing my pillow, I inched in closer so that I could at least smell her without touching.
I closed my eyes and let myself drift away.
It was as close to bliss as I was going to get.CHAPTER 25
CHARLOTTE
Blinking my eyes open, I looked over at the opposite side of my bed. I couldn’t remember when Reed left last night. I couldn’t remember much of anything.
The time shown on the clock caused me to gasp. I’d slept till noon? What the hell? Why hadn’t Reed called to wake me up?
A vague recollection of his talking low in my ear and apologizing to me last night registered, but I couldn’t figure out if I’d dreamed it all. Also . . . did we kiss? I thought we had, but I couldn’t be sure if I’d imagined that as well.
An empty feeling came over me as my head pounded. My cell phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Charlotte. This is John.”
John was the instructor from yesterday who’d tried to get me to go out with him.
“How did you get my number?”
“It was on your registration paperwork.”
“Oh. How can I help you?”
“Your friend Reed was just taken to the hospital. His instructor drove him. He’s okay, though.”
My heartbeat accelerated. “What?”
I then remembered that Reed had scheduled an early-morning climb.
“Yeah. He was climbing this morning and fell. His legs gave way from under him. It’s company policy to take the client into the hospital for observation if anything happens on our watch.”
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