His words made my nipples stiffen. I was most definitely ready for a second round.
He squeezed out the sponge a few times before reapplying the soap and handing it to me. “Will you wash me?”
“I would love to.”
From top to bottom, I ran the sponge over his gorgeous body, appreciating every muscle, every groove on this beautiful man. I pumped some shampoo into my palm and rubbed my hands into his head. He closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling. When I’d finished, he opened them and put shampoo on his own hand to return the favor.
Ryder massaged the suds over my scalp with his large hands. I could have let him do that all night; it felt so good. After he rinsed all of the soap from my hair, he held me under the water again, kissing my head over and over. I’d never felt so cherished in my entire life, and I found myself in tears.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m just really emotional right now.”
“Can I tell you something?” he asked, taking my face in his hands.
“Yes.”
“My mind has been going in circles the past couple of days, thinking about a lot of shit—things I’d do differently with my father, other random thoughts. As I found myself lamenting my loss, I thought about you—how your father was never in your life, how we’re both in the same position now, not having either of our parents around. I was fortunate to have my father as long as I did. But you live with the loss of a man who’s still walking the Earth. And even though you don’t talk about it, I know that hurts you. The moment I realized the meaning behind your stage name, I figured that out. You’re just strong and don’t show your vulnerable side.”
He caressed my cheek. “Anyway, I do have a point to all this.” He kissed me softly. “My point is, wherever he is, your father has no idea what a beautiful, kind, precious human he created. And that’s a damn shame for him. Because you are undoubtedly his biggest accomplishment, and he doesn’t even realize it.”
The water rained down on us, washing away my tears as he continued.
“You’ve brought me so much happiness, and you coming here to L.A. is literally what’s keeping me sane right now. You’re precious to me, Eden. I hope you know that.”
He’d rendered me speechless. He was right. As much as I’d never let my father’s abandonment define my self-worth, there was a shadow of hurt that never really went away.
The urge to tell Ryder I loved him was strong, but I wasn’t going to be the first to say it, even though I wanted to.
I settled on, “You’re precious to me, too.”CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR* * *EDENThe funeral was even harder than I’d anticipated. The strength Ryder had shown the day before seemed nonexistent now. The finality of it all seemed to hit him today.
He bawled when they lowered the casket into the ground, and that was really hard to watch. All I could do was rub his back, but no words would comfort him.
After the burial, Ryder had organized a lunch at a fancy restaurant in downtown L.A. for family, friends, and the closest business associates. He didn’t have a lot of relatives because his father was also an only child. Some cousins from his mother’s side were there, along with some of his good friends, including Mallory, who’d stuck around for the meal, much to my dismay. Aside from whispering a couple of things to Ryder here and there, she’d kept her distance. But her eyes were always firmly planted on him. I could tell it was killing her not to be the woman by his side.
The thought of having to leave him tomorrow while so many things were up in the air was painful.
The restaurant was super high end—the type of place where the waiter pours a little bit of wine and swirls it around before discarding it to clean any residual taste from the glass. I’d chosen braised medallions of pork on a bed of mushroom risotto. But as delicious as it was, I had no appetite.
As Ryder walked around talking to people, I stayed seated at the table, moving my uneaten food around my plate. Tossing back a second glass of wine, I definitely appreciated the alcohol—particularly when Ryder’s friend Benny made his way toward me.
With straggly hair and a long beard, his grungy style stood out from the pack. I hadn’t met Benny at the wake the night before; he must have come and gone before I’d gotten there. While Ryder had pointed him out to me at the funeral, he hadn’t had a chance to formally introduce us.
Benny reeked of marijuana as he approached the table. “Hi. I don’t believe we’ve met.”