His voice had wavered a couple times and he paused to regain himself. My heart broke for him. Both parents gone, and he was only twenty-six.
“I went off the deep end for a while,” he continued. “I wanted to drop out of school with every fiber of my being, but me graduating from college was my mom’s dream. Playing in the NHL lost all appeal for me. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t stand the thought of that first game, knowing she wouldn’t be in the stands. I hated the money. She sacrificed for me and I played hard knowing I’d buy her a dream house and pay for her to travel the world when I made it. I don’t know if it makes sense, but making a lot of money when she was gone . . . it became painful for me. I just couldn’t.”
“It makes sense.” I reached across the table and took his hand. “Killian, I’m so sorry. If I’d had any idea, I never would’ve—”
“I know.” He squeezed my hand.
“This is why you sabotaged yourself,” I said softly as realization dawned. “You wanted to scare the NHL teams away from you.”
He shrugged, finally looking up at me. “Sort of. The reckless behavior was just me hurting over my mom. But when I started to make the connection that I was becoming the guy no one would touch, that motivated me to keep doing it.”
“You’ve done well for yourself,” I said. “Coping with all that pain and still finding your way back to pro hockey, in a way that worked for you.”
“I don’t know. I thought I had it all figured out until you came along. But now . . . dammit, this makes me sound like a pussy.”
“It doesn’t. Just say it.”
“Now I think about you watching me from the stands. Or your throne in the box, whatever.”
I poked him in the ribs. “I don’t have a throne, Killian.”
“I’ve got someone to play for again. Getting in trouble isn’t fun anymore.”
I got up from my seat and went to his, swinging a leg over his lap and sitting down. We were chest to chest, and I took his bristled cheeks in my hands.
“Nothing anyone has ever said to me has made me feel as good as what you just said. If you’re on the ice, I’m watching you. And whether it’s a good idea or a bad one, this is happening. You and me. It’s already happening, and I want to stop pretending we can stop it. I don’t want to stop it.”
“Me either. But I don’t want to make problems for you.”
“I need to be with you more than I need to avoid those problems,” I said, resting my forehead on his. “I’ll handle it, if anything comes up.”
“Yeah, speaking of things coming up . . .” He grabbed my ass and pushed me against him, making me sigh against his mouth from the feel of his erection.
“So your vulnerability sealed the deal,” I said. “Now I have to let you ram your cock down my throat.”
He arched a brow at me and grinned. “Damn right. Why do you think I told you all that?”
His lips brushed against mine and he pulled me tightly into him. Our kiss started soft and slow, both of us savoring it. When Killian’s lips wandered down to my jaw line and then to my neck, my desire turned into need.
“Can we be done with dinner?” I said.
“Hell yes, we can.” He scooted the chair back from the table and stood, picking me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me through the kitchen, my lips on his neck now. I couldn’t get enough of his salty skin. I kissed, nibbled and even bit him on the trip to my bedroom.
“Damn,” he said in a low tone. “That feels good. But you need to lay still and be a good girl while I finish what I started in that storage room.”
He eased me down onto the bed, our bodies never disconnecting.
“I want all of you,” I said in his ear. “I want you inside me.”
“Patience, baby. You need to learn how to take orders instead of giving them all the time.”
His commanding tone only increased my desperation. He slid my shirt off and teased my nipples through my satin bra. His mouth was warm, even though the fabric. And when he ventured lower, to my stomach, my back arched up from the bed.
“Pinch your nipples,” he said, looking up at me through hooded eyes after kissing my belly button. I hesitated for a second before complying. I’d never touched myself in front of a man, but for the first time, I wanted to.
I squeezed my nipples through my bra, which was wet from his mouth. The harder I pinched, the better it felt. I was burning with pleasure and pain as Killian undressed me the rest of the way, saving my bra for last.