Z’s not waiting for me outside like I feared he might. He’s back in the living room, flipping through channels.
“Do you want anything to drink?” I ask.
“I’m fine.” He glances over. “I know where the kitchen is if I need something.”
I sit as far away as possible from him on the couch, tucking myself into the corner. Without Chance as a buffer, I feel completely exposed and vulnerable.
“What are we doing, Lilly?” he asks without turning away from the television.
“You tell me.”
He snorts and sets the remote down, slowly swiveling his head. “Seems to me you’re calling all the shots. You get to make all the decisions, apparently. So, you tell me.”
“What do you want?”
His eyes narrow. I’m not an idiot. I’ve always known Z was capable of violence. I just always trusted that he’d never turn on me.
I still trust him, but there’s a thump of fear that makes my heart beat faster. Fear of what he wants from me.
“I want my son, Lilly.” He closes his eyes. “I want…things you can’t give me back.”
“I’m staying,” I blurt out. Wait, what? When did I decide that?
Maybe it was the second Chance asked if he could go to the store with Z. Or maybe when Z plopped down on the floor next to Chance’s bed to read a bedtime story.
Whatever it is, I can’t leave again. It should be safe for me to stay now. And I really want to stay. I think it’s too late, and I’ve done too much damage for Z and I to ever be together, but at least Chance will have his father.
He blows out a breath, as if that’s a huge relief to him, and guilt presses down on me even harder. Not only did he learn about his son today, but he’s probably been worrying about how long we’re staying.
“I mean, I probably need to go back and pack up my apartment. Ship my things home…” Am I really planning this already?
“I’ll help you,” Z says quietly, still not looking at me.
“You don’t have to. I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not.”
“I’m not lying—”
“Can’t you accept my words at face value, Lilly? Now that I know about Chance, there’s not a fucking place on this planet you can run that I won’t find you.” Now he turns and stares at me. “I’m offering to help you because I want to help you. Not because I’m worried about you disappearing again.”
I’m too stunned by his words to say anything intelligent. “I didn’t disappear,” I mutter.
He smirks, but not in the flirtatious, playful way I’m used to. His dark blue eyes are hard and cold. “I knew where you were. Spent some time tracking you down after you disappeared on me.”
Fear quickens my blood. How much does he know?
He squeezes his eyes shut. “I almost visited once or twice.” His gaze drops to my stomach. “If I’d fucking known…”
“How?”
“How’d I know where you were?” He looks away. “That’s part of what I do for the club. Find out things.”
“That’s not vague or anything. Besides, Hope knew where I was.”
“Not until months later.” He snorts. “Guess I can’t be too insulted. You ghosted on your friends too. Not just your fuck-buddy.” He cocks his head and gives me a lopsided smile that still looks more dangerous than genuinely amused. “If talking about being exclusive scared you so much, you could’ve just said so. I can take a hint without you moving across the country.”
Shame races over my skin, turning my cheeks hot and tightening my throat. I wanted nothing more than for us to finally… “That’s not why I left. It had nothing to do with you.”
He quirks an eyebrow, his gaze darting toward the hallway.
“I can’t right now,” I whisper. Not now. Not ever. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’s going to quit until he has an explanation.
My gaze drops to the crown tattoo on the side of his neck, traveling lower to the ink covering his hands. I’ll have to come up with something more mundane but believable for why I ran away.
“Do you want me to show you the guest room?” I ask.
“Sure. Never had an opportunity before.”
My gaze snaps to his and those dark blue eyes aren’t cold now. They’re filled with heat and a thousand memories of the way we’ve spent time together in this house. He can’t possibly…?
“Were you planning to stay in my room?” I ask.
The playful smile I remember well makes a brief appearance. “I’ll stay wherever you want me to, sweetheart.”
He glances down at Chance’s tiny, furry blue slippers, propped up against the coffee table and frowns. “Show me the guest room, Lilly.” My heart jumps as he lifts his gaze. “I promised your brother I’d do what was best for Chance. I keep my promises.”
Unlike you.
He doesn’t say it, but I feel the words pulse between us.
I stand and pull down my sleeves, tucking my thumbs into the fabric. “Follow me.”
He follows me to the narrow staircase on the other side of the living room.
“I never noticed this before.”
I huff a laugh but don’t comment. Of course, he didn’t. My bedroom’s in the opposite direction.
The entire way up the stairs, I’m painfully aware of his gaze resting on my ass.
At the top of the stairs, I stop and flip on the light. It’s an open loft-style room with shiny hardwood floors and a low ceiling.
“There isn’t a lot of privacy. Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine.” He pokes around the space, turning on lights and checking out the furniture. “It’s a much bigger room. How come you don’t use it?”
“I used to use it as a sitting room, but I turned it into a bedroom to make it more appealing when I was renting it out.”
He nods.
I cross the space behind him and push open another door. “It does have a private half-bath. But you’ll have to use the shower downstairs.”
“That’s fine.”
We stand there staring at each other. If I want to leave, I have to walk right past him. Fear that I won’t make it keeps my feet rooted in place.
He jerks his thumb toward the stairs. “I’m gonna run outside and grab my stuff.”
“Sure.” I follow him down the stairs. “Alex had the locks changed after my last tenants moved out. I’ll get an extra key made up for you tomorrow so you can come and go as you want.”
“Damn girl. Only took, what? Four, five years, and a kid for you to finally give me a key to your place?”
This t
ime his teasing words are laced with humor instead of anger and I actually smile. “You’re the first.”
At the bottom of the stairs, he stops abruptly and grabs my shoulders, staring into my eyes. “Good to know.”
Nine
Z
Flirting with Lilly is no different than running my hand through an open flame. I can get away with it in short, quirk bursts, but eventually I’ll get burned.
Been there. Done that.
A flush creeps over her chest and up her neck as I stare at her. Finally, I release her shoulders and head outside for some much-needed cool air.
It’s peaceful outside. Not unlike the clubhouse’s property. Fewer trees, so more of the inky night sky remains visible.
My phone buzzes and I pull it out.
Rock: Everything okay?
Me: Yeah. Settling in now.
Rock: Call if you need anything.
Me: Thanks, brother.
I scroll through my messages and find a bunch from the other brothers. A picture of one of the girl’s costumes at Crystal Ball from Dex with a funny story attached. Pictures of Ziggy and Zipper napping in front of her fireplace from Trinity.
I shoot Murphy a quick thank you for the seat and dinosaur and answer a few other messages before heading back inside.
Lilly’s nowhere to be seen. Most of the lights are off downstairs. I glance toward her bedroom and almost consider checking on her. Except that’s fucking dangerous and I know it.
A breeze brushes over my skin, drawing my attention to the open sliding glass door straight ahead. Soft light from a flickering candle gives off enough of a glow to reveal Lilly’s profile.
Should I say something? Or ignore her and go to bed?
After a second of hesitation, I drop my bags by the staircase and step outside.
“You warm enough?” I ask.
She startles, although I don’t know how she missed my approach. It’s not like I’m small or quiet.
“No, I’m okay.” She rubs her hands over her upper arms, contradicting herself. “I’m about to go inside anyway.”
There’s just enough light from the candle and the moon to notice her hard nipples, pressing against her flimsy long-sleeved T-shirt. I curl my hands into fists and keep them by my sides.