“Fuck.” He bites his lip, but I don’t think he’s upset with me.
Why did I even bother saying anything right now? Because the move is making me anxious? Or something else?
“It’s got nothing to do with you, Lilly. He’s going through some stuff. If he really gives you attitude, tell me.”
“No, I shouldn’t have said anything at all. I was joking.”
His phone pings again and he groans. Glancing down, he types out a quick response to whoever’s looking for him. After sending it, he gives me a crooked smile. “You better be here when I get back. I will chase your gorgeous ass down this time.”
It’s the worst kind of joke for either of us to make, but I laugh anyway. “You’re coming back?”
“You’re goddamned right I am. You can have a thousand more guys out there waiting for you to answer their marriage proposal. You’re mine.”
It’s absurd, funny, and awful all at the same time. Yet, still somehow sweet. I twist my fingers into his cut and yank him closer. “Get back here soon.”
Chapter Four
Z
The ride downstate helps clear my head, but not much. All the pieces floating around in my brain usually seem to sort themselves out when I’m on my bike. This time, it’s harder.
I have my suspicions, but she wouldn’t confirm or deny anything with Chance in the house. Lilly wasn’t being dramatic. She wants to protect our son and I respect that, no matter how frustrating.
I don’t have lots of time before I need to be downstate, but I can’t help stopping at the upstate clubhouse.
It feels weird to ride through the gates wearing another charter’s bottom rocker. No one treats me differently, but it still doesn’t sit right.
Rock greets me out front with a happy, welcoming hug. “Fuck, Prez, look at the smile on your face. You need me to go away more often?”
“No, fuckface. Just glad to see you. What’re you doing?”
“Headed back, but it didn’t feel right riding by without stopping in.”
“Good choice. Soon you won’t be riding by at all, right?”
“Planning to look at a place today.”
“Murphy said they found a nice area. Safe for the kids.”
I glance around at the clubhouse and the woods surrounding us. This has been my home for a long time and I’m not okay with leaving it. It’s where I want to raise my son. “It’s still not home.”
“Yeah, this is some fucked-up shit.” He glances at the woods towards his house. “We all know it’s a possibility in this life. Doesn’t take much. But fuck, shooting him in his own clubhouse’s driveway?”
“That’s the part that keeps sticking with me.”
“How do you feel about the brothers down there? Anyone strike you as especially power-hungry?”
“If they are, they’re playing a long game. No one’s complained about me taking Sway’s place.”
“That right there should make you worry.”
“Right?” I laugh even though it’s not funny. “Jesus, Sway’s been trying to stay off of Priest’s radar since National.”
“Instead, someone made sure he stayed on it.”
“Makes you wonder if it was intentional or someone fucked up. Or…” I stare at him for a minute, contemplating my next words. I can trust Rock with anything, but even kicking this idea around is dangerous. “Priest ordered it.”
Rock’s slow to answer. “Yeah, that crossed my mind, too.”
“I hate saying it, but Sway pushed him pretty far and who knows what he’s fucked up since then. He wouldn’t have had any confidence in Shadow after that arrest.”
“Even before that he hinted at us taking over down there.”
“Fuck, I’m surprised they’re not more suspicious of me.”
“Why do you think I sent Murphy and Teller with you? Fuck, I’d be right there with you if I could, brother.”
“Thanks, Rock.”
He takes a more serious look at me. “Everything okay?”
I run my hand through my hair while I think about where to start. “Did Hope talk to you about the subpoena Lilly got?”
“A little. She didn’t have a lot of details.”
“Yeah, neither do I.”
Rock’s one of the smartest people I know, so it doesn’t surprise me terribly when he asks, “You think it’s connected to why she left?”
“Sort of. I can’t put my finger on it exactly.” I hesitate, unsure about sharing this. If what Lilly suggested, that she hurt herself, is true, trying to take the easy way out isn’t exactly a decision that’s respected in our world. A brother trying to take his own life better pray he succeeds, otherwise his club might finish the job.
But Rock’s never been one to judge and won’t run his mouth to anyone else about it. “She has these marks down her arms.” I trace a line down to my wrist, but I have to force the words out. “Like she might have hurt herself.”
“Jesus. What’d she tell you?”
“Says that’s how she found out about Chance. That he saved her.”
His expression softens. “Did you ask why?”
“Some other stuff came up.” I don’t want to tell Rock about Ted’s visit. I can only imagine what he already thinks of Lilly. No need to make it worse. In my mind, Ted’s already a non-issue. I’m not nearly as pissed about it as I was last night. “She’s a goddamn fortress.”
He snorts. “Why do you think that is?”
“She’s embarrassed?”
“Maybe.”
“She thinks I’ll get mad?”
“At her or someone else?”
“Fuck. I don’t know. I feel in my gut that the two things are related.”
“You think she left to protect you or herself?”
I frown at the question. “Why me?”
His expression hardens and he crosses his arms over his chest. “What would you have done if you found out someone hurt or threatened her?”
That’s easy. “Kill the motherfucker.”
“Right. We both know that corruption investigation didn’t happen overnight.”
“You think one of those senators hurt her to keep her quiet?”
He shrugs. “You’ll have to ask her.”
“It’s not a conversation she wants to have with Chance around.”
“Even more reason you need to have it.” He tilts his head in the direction of his house. “Chance can always stay with us.”
“Thanks, brother.”
He pulls me in for a quick hug.
“I’m supposed to sit down with everyone in a couple hours.”
“Word of advice—”
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“Oh, Christ.” I smirk and wave my hands at him. “Lay it on me, Prez.”
Rock doesn’t smile. “You can’t have this weighing on your mind and handle business downstate. So, I’d get those answers from her sooner rather than later.”
Chapter Five
Lilly
Alex seems to be over his snit about Z paying off Dad’s debt. At least when I call and ask if he can watch Chance for a couple of hours, he doesn’t mention it. When I actually arrive at his house, it’s a different story.
“Aleth! Aleth!” Chance yells as soon as we pull into the driveway and Alex steps outside.
“You’re going to hang out with Uncle Alex for a couple hours. That okay with you?”
“Yup!” He’s wiggling and eager to get out of his car seat, so thankfully Alex pops open the back door.
“How’s my boy?” he asks, swinging Chance up into his arms. “You been good for Mommy?”
Chance sneaks a quick look at me before answering my brother. “Yup.”
Inside, he sets Chance down and points out some new toys gathered by the couch, which my son is all too eager to check out.
“You don’t have to buy him stuff all the time, Alex.”
“Why not? I want him to have his toys and stuff here so he’s comfortable. I’m so happy you’re home now so I can see him more.”
Here’s where I should probably mention I’m moving downstate with Z. “Thank you.”
“What’s going on? You seemed agitated on the phone. Have a fight with—”
“Watch what you say,” I warn.
He stares at me with a smirk forming on his lips. “You ask him about Dad and the money?”
“Yes, I did. And I think the words Dad and you should be looking for are thank you. Z didn’t have to bail him out.”
“Why aren’t you more upset your son’s father associates with criminals?”
I shrug because the question’s absurd given the circumstances. “Why aren’t you more concerned our father’s borrowing money from mobsters?”
He snorts and shakes his head. “I guess you got me there, sis.” His face turns more serious. “I worry about you.”