Comforting.
Her hair tickles my cheek.
Not comforting. Annoying. I can’t move to scratch the itch.
Her hands rest on my shoulders. “Come on, Blake,” she whispers. “I love you so much.”
Love you, too. I’d burn down the whole world to rescue you.
If I could just scratch…
“His hand moved,” Marcel says. “Where’s that damn doctor? Aw, Christ. You trying to grope my sister even when you’re in a coma, you dick?”
Heidi laugh-sniffles, and the pressure on my chest eases. The tickling against my face also stops, thank fuck.
There’s a soft thud.
“Stop it. He can grope me all he wants as long as he wakes up.”
I’m going to hold her to that.
Forty-Two
Heidi
Days go by and Blake still hasn’t woken up. The doctors are still hopeful since he seemed to respond to us.
The doctors also said hearing the voices of his loved ones could help. We’ve all taken turns staying with Blake, reading and talking to him for as many hours as the hospital allows.
Alexa’s been asking for him constantly. I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not, but I ask Hope to bring Alexa to the hospital, and I meet them in the waiting room.
Charlotte knows how conflicted I’ve been about this all morning and tries to reassure me one more time. “I think if we explain it in a way she understands, it will be fine.”
“We’ll be right there with you,” Hope promises.
“Mama.” Alexa reaches for me and I take her in my arms. God, she feels heavier. Is that possible? Have I been away from her that long?
“Where Daddy?” Alexa asks, looking around the room.
“Alexa,” I whisper. “Daddy’s sick.”
She blinks at me. “Nooo.”
“Yes. He’s sleeping really deep. You can talk to him, though, okay?”
She frowns. Sure, that probably made no sense at all to her. But she answers, “Okay.”
Maybe I’m the worst mother in the world. Should I be subjecting my daughter to this when she can’t comprehend what’s going on?
I just don’t know.
After a deep breath, I take her down the hall to his room.
“Daddy?” she cries as soon as she sees him.
He’s not bruised and has no obvious injuries, but they shaved his head and face. The tubes and oxygen are probably terrifying to Alexa.
“Not Daddy!” She slaps her hands against my chest and attempts to push me away.
“Shhh.” I brush her hair from her face and kiss her little red cheeks. “They shaved Daddy’s face. It’s okay.”
I make a motion with my hand like a razor sliding over my cheek. “Like Pop-pop does sometimes in the morning.”
“Nooo.”
She frowns and studies Blake again before giving me another dose of suspicious toddler face.
I reach down and touch Blake’s arm, showing her the large four-leaf clover and lady bug tattoo that’s one of her favorites. “See. Same Daddy minus the beard.”
She reaches for him. “Daddy? I here!” she shouts. “Wake up!”
I wince at her shrill voice in the quiet hospital. “He’s trying, honey, I swear.”
Am I imagining it or did Blake’s eye twitch?
Oh, God. What if having her here is stressing him out? I’ve been so worried I’m causing my daughter long term psychological harm. What if I’m making his condition worse?
“Murphy?” Hope calls. “We’re all here. Alexa’s been asking for you every day. The doctors said it was okay to bring her to see you.”
“Daddy!” Alexa shouts. “Wake up!”
“That was definitely an eye-twitch,” Charlotte mutters.
“Why Daddy not wake up?” Alexa asks.
“I told you, he’s sick. But hearing your voice will make him feel better.”
“How’s she doing?” Rock asks, stepping into the room. He shifts toward Blake. “Any movement?”
“Not yet,” I answer.
“Pop-pop.” Alexa reaches for him and he takes her.
After they leave the room, I shut myself in the bathroom and cry.
Forty-Three
Murphy
What’s Heidi thinking, letting Alexa come here and see me like this?
Alexa’s cries pierce every part of my soul.
My damn limbs are still encased in concrete. Can’t move. Can’t…do anything.
I can’t even comfort my daughter.
Fuck.
Finally, they leave. I swear Alexa’s cries echo around me long after she’s gone.
“You’re not getting out of the VP job that easy,” Rock’s low rumbling voice penetrates my fog.
You see where I am, Prez? Told you I wasn’t VP material.
“As much as I hate you two calling me Dad, you know you’re like a son to me, Blake.” He laughs. “Hell, feels like I raised you sometimes. Even if I did a shit job of it.”
Metal scrapes over the floor briefly. Something brushes against my hand. “Proud of you. You’ve grown into an honorable man. A loyal brother. Already a worthy husband and father.” He huffs out a laugh. “That girl loves you so damn much. You need to come back to us because I don’t think she’s going to accept “coma” as an excuse to cancel the wedding.”
Rock’s not usually this wordy. Although, I suppose he doesn’t normally have such a captive audience.
“How’s he doing?” Hope’s soft voice interrupts Rock’s musings.
“Same.”
“I talked Heidi into going home for a while.”
Thank you, Hope.
“Trin drove them home. Heidi hasn’t slept in days.”
“Good,” Rock says. “Come here, baby doll.”
No, no, no. It might not look like it, but I’m here. For the love of all things holy, please don’t fuck right now.
Thankfully, they keep talking.
Eventually, their voices lull me back into that soft, floaty place.
After spending some quality time drifting in and out of consciousness, I fall into another dream reality.
This time I’m on my bike riding down the Pacific Coast Highway. Leaning into the twists and turns, passing miles of pristine beaches. Mists roll in, then disappear, revealing ocean views. Heidi’s at my back. Our first time on this road. Happy we’re exploring it together.
The mists roll in again…and I float for a while.
I’m aware of a pressure on my leg. A squeeze at my ankle? Or is that my big toe?
Who the fuck’s touching my feet?
“You better wake up soon, asshole,” Marcel rasps.
If I didn’t know better, I’d say he sounds emotional.
“You’re more than my best friend,” he continues in a low, raw voice. “You’re my brother. My other half. I already feel shitty that I haven’t been honest with you lately.”
He pauses. A scraping noise. The bed shifts.
“Been keeping too many things from you,” he whispers. “If you don’t let me make that right…” his voice trails off.
Bro, we are not overdue for a weeping, feelings-sharing, bonding ritual. Cut this shit out right now.
I force every ounce of effort into answering him, but nothing happens.
What the hell could he possibly be hiding from me?
There’s a pressure on my side. Something tickles my arm. “I know I give you shit all the time.” His voice is muffled but vibrates beside me as if he’s resting his forehead against my arm. Why can’t I feel that?
Is he holding my damn hand?
“The big brother thing must be why I enjoy hassling you so damn much.” He lets out a miserable laugh. “But you have to know you’re the only person I trust to take care of my sister and my niece. I should say it more often, but I respect you so much for the way you treat Alexa. You make my sister so damn happy. She lights up around you. Hell, she’s ready to beat a man to death with a hammer to protect yo
u. You’re the best man in the world for her.”
The pressure against me lessens, and he lets out a sad huff. “Well, no one’s really good enough for my sister. You and I got that in common. Two women we need to marry soon before they wake up and realize they can do better.”
Good to hear you admit it.
I want to say the words but can’t force my mouth to move. My eyes burn.
Is this asshole really going to make me cry when I can’t even open my damn eyes?
“When Rock and I were talking about what the hell the club was going to do if Z had to stay down there as President, I told him right away that VP job should be yours.”
See, I knew they were conspiring together.
“So, you have to get better soon, brother. Heidi needs you. Alexa needs you. The club needs you.” He hesitates. Coughs. “I need you.”
Forty-Four
Heidi
“Heidi! Get down here.”