The threat of seeing everything falling apart like a stack of cards built up too high had put her to flight. She couldn’t sleep. She found that she could still cry for that tiny life she had lost. Yet the thought of Jake’s baby inside her again was both a torment and a temptation.
If she was ever alone again, she didn’t want to be left with nothing as she had been before. And should it happen, it would be so very different, she reflected feverishly in the darkness. She could live abroad. It would be silk-lined cribs and proper medical supervision all the way…dazedly she shook her head. Where were all these crazy ideas coming from?
There was something slightly unhinged about such reasoning when she was going to marry Jake. She loved him. My God, if she didn’t love him, she would not have been afraid to voice her own feelings. Somehow she had to come to terms with this fear that could swoop down and swamp her without warning. It was a terror of being hurt again.
She was finally driven from her bed by the tormenting fears that found her an easy victim. It was four in the morning and the house was chilly. Rubbing her bare arms, she peered into Jake’s room. The curtains were undrawn and the bed was smooth. He was stretched out asleep on the chesterfield in the lounge. Her conscience pricked her.
It was strange how the instant she saw him again all her tension could seep away. Just looking at Jake swept her with intense exultation. She had hurt him because, without realising it, he had hurt her. Lashing out in self-defence, she had retreated to lick her wounds in private. And he had done the same, neither of them able to reach out to the other. He didn’t know why she had reacted as she had. And perhaps it was time that he did know, she accepted tautly. She wanted to let go of that old anguish and until she told him it would always be there, ready to feed her insecurity.
She fetched a blanket from upstairs. Draping the woolly thickness over his long, indolent length, she hesitated and then delicately sneaked under its warmth with him, tugging an arm possessively round her. As she twisted to rest her cheek in the hollow of a broad shoulder, his body scent enclosed her. Warm and husky and wonderfully familiar. She went out like a light within minutes.
A whisper of a kiss caressed her throat. She shifted, succumbing to an indulgent little wriggle of comfort. The hard, male physique beneath her relaxed weight tautened. ‘Go back to sleep. It’s still early.’ The soothing whisper had a hypnotic effect on her.
When Jessie shook her awake she had a death-grip on a flattened pillow. As she sat up, amazed to find herself back in bed again, the housekeeper planted a tray on her lap and urged her to eat up. ‘Jake insisted that I let you sleep until now, but it’s almost nine,’ she fussed. ‘And Merrill’s downstairs waiting for you to get up.’
Kitty gulped down a glass of pure orange. ‘Where’s Jake?’
‘Out helping John to get cleared up. He’s not coming up here,’ Jessie warned. ‘You can’t see him until you arrive at the church.’
‘How am I going to get there, then?’
‘Merrill’s taking us. I’ll be going home afterwards,’ Jessie informed her. ‘You’ll want to be on your own.’
Merrill presented her with an ivory lace suspender belt and brief set, complete with sheer lace-topped stockings. ‘Jane sent them to me at Christmas but they’re about two sizes too small for me.’ She grinned. ‘And even if they weren’t, that sort of thing’s not really me…but it’s definitely my brother.’
An hour later Kitty twirled in front of the mirror. Great-grandma Tarrant’s gown was a ravishingly romantic confection. Watermarked Mantua silk shimmered beneath a fragile, floaty drapery of cream lace. Kitty was entranced.
Jessie removed her pinny to reveal an imposing purple wool suit and draped a fur coat, purloined from Sophie’s bedroom, round Kitty’s shoulders. ‘You’ll catch your death otherwise,’ she grumbled.
Tina thrust a handful of somewhat mangled crocuses wrapped in tin foil into her hand. ‘They’re from the window-box. Some of them got broked,’ she said apologetically.
‘What a lovely colour they are. See, they match my dress,’ Kitty commented cheerfully.
The vicar greeted her punctiliously in the church porch. At the mouth of the short aisle, her knees threatened to buckle when an unseen organist loudly struck up a piece from ‘Lohengrin’. Oh, dear God, what am I doing? flashed through her mind, and then her bemused eyes centred on Jake’s tall, elegant back view and that was it. Only the vicar’s restraining pace prevented her from arriving at the altar before him.
Apart from one brief manic inner vision of Sophie and Grant popping up like evil genies from a back pew to halt the proceedings, Kitty was possessed of a euphoric brand of tranquillity throughout the ceremony. As the last syllables were pronounced, Jake swung round and engulfed her in the kind of embrace she had never anticipated experiencing on church ground. His arm a steel band across her narrow back, he crushed her fiercely to him and ravished her soft lips until the blood sang in her veins.
‘If they ever do a remake of Gone with the Wind, Jake,’ his sister whispered in the vestry, ‘ask for an audition.’
A stocky, brown-haired man shook Kitty’s hand and introduced himself as John. Until that moment Kitty hadn’t even registered him, and his amused look told her that he had noticed the fact.
They were invited back to the other couple’s home for a celebratory drink. Although their modern bungalow had its own entrance off the main road, it was connected to Torbeck as well by a lane. As soon as Kitty had a glass in her hand, Merrill bore her off on a tour of the house. She chattered constantly, but gave Kitty little opportunity to comment. By the time they reached the nursery, already prepared for the expected baby, Kitty was covertly studying Merrill, puzzled by her perceptible nervous tension.
A brief silence fell as Kitty smoothed an admiring hand over a patchwork cot quilt and her sister-in-law chose that moment to break into sudden speech.
‘I hope I’m not about to offend you, but I wanted a private word with you about Mother.’ Stopping to draw breath, she pressed on as if afraid that Kitty would interrupt her. ‘She’s worried that your marriage will cut her off completely from Jake. They don’t get on very well as it is.’
‘I had gathered that.’ Kitty’s tone was non-committal.
Merrill sighed. ‘It’s been like that for years. On Jake’s side, not hers. She has interfered now and again in his private life and Jake’s not the type to take that lying down. But you can’t blame her for loathing Liz!’ She defended her absent parent with growing heat. ‘After all this time, I do think that Jake could let bygones be bygones.’
‘I’m not in a position to comment,’ Kitty murmured. ‘I assume your mother’s upset about our marriage.’
‘Actually it almost seems to have frightened her,’ Merrill confided unhappily. ‘Jake said that they didn’t argue when he visited her in York, but I don’t believe him. He’s incredibly touchy about you. If Mother did say something tactless, he would have lost his temper. She sounded very shaken up when she phoned me last night. She said that she would be coming back in a few days. She wants to meet you here in our house…’
‘Here?’ Kitty exclaimed blankly. ‘But why?’
‘I think she wants to make her peace with you and she doesn’t want to have to do it with Jake smouldering suspiciously on the sidelines.’
‘But your mother doesn’t have anything to make peace with me about,’ Kitty retorted wryly.
‘She must just want to talk to you, then.’ Merrill chewed her lower lip awkwardly. ‘I wanted to ask you to be generous. If you could meet her halfway and try to smooth things over between her and Jake, I’d be very grateful. She really was distressed on the phone. You could reason with Jake. You have more influence with him than anyone else.’
Before Kitty could remark on that assurance and its attendant weight of shifted responsibility, the door opened, disclosing her new husband. Jake favoured her with a dark, satirical smile. ‘Don’t tell me you became engrossed in the merits of alpha
bet wallpaper.’
Having stated her case, Merrill was clearly not sorry for the interruption and she laughed. ‘Have you been feeling neglected?’
In the car Jake loosened his tie and cast Kitty a questioning glance. ‘Since the prospect of the patter of little tiny feet leaves you cold as charity, what were you talking about?’
Searing pink burnished her cheekbones. She bent her head guiltily. Why had she lied to him like that? They would have to talk soon. She would have to tell him everything. But not today, she pleaded with her conscience. She couldn’t face dredging up a past she wanted to forget on a day when she wanted to do nothing but luxuriate in her happiness. ‘Nothing important.’
‘I’m glad that you and Merrill hit it off.’