“Sure,” I said. “I’ve been called beautiful a few times.”
“A few times?” He shook his head.
“Yeah? Well, you’re the hottest thing walking around here as far as I’ve seen.”
He smiled. “So you are attracted to me.”
“I’m breathing, aren’t I?”
That got a laugh out of him. “I suppose I could say the same thing. I’d bet no man on earth could resist you.”
If he only knew how right he was…
There was no good answer to that, so I stayed silent.
“May I come in?”
“That’s not a good idea.” Even though I wanted it more than anything in the world.
“Why not?”
“I’m just not ready.”
“Your kiss said differently.”
He wasn’t wrong. I had definitely kissed him back, and I’d enjoyed every second of it. But I had a harsh history as far as sex was concerned, and he deserved better. He deserved a whole woman. I was so far from that. I wasn’t sure I could ever be wholly healed. But my father was dead now, and I was going to try. No more drugs. No more burns. Even if it killed me.
“I loved the kiss,” I said truthfully.
“I’d love to give you another, then.”
“Matt…”
“I have no idea what you’re running from, but whoever hurt you? I’d like to fucking pummel him into the ground.”
I shook my head and let out a light chuckle. “He’s dead.”
“Good. Saves me the trouble.”
“You’re a really nice guy, Matt. And I’m a fucking mess.”
“You look pretty good from where I’m standing.”
“If you could see inside my head, you’d rethink that statement.”
“Hell, honey, we all have shit inside our heads. God knows I do.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m okay. I’m happy here. I don’t let the past control me.”
Did he truly have a past? A past as horrific as mine? He couldn’t possibly. “Then you’re stronger than I am.”
“Strength isn’t really the issue. Perseverance is. It’s the journey.”
I sighed. “What if I’m tired of my journey? What if I’m just too fucking tired to persevere?”
“I think that’s why you’re here,” he said. “You’re running. You’re hiding. And that’s okay. It’s okay for a week. It’s even okay for two weeks, three weeks, a whole year. But eventually you won’t be able to run any longer.”
“I can run for a long time, Matt. I’m in great shape.”
“I can see that, but you know as well as I do that I was speaking metaphorically.”
I couldn’t help a smile. “Yeah, I know.”
“What are you running from, Riley?”
“A ghost,” I said. “The phantom that I fear will haunt me forever.”
“I understand, maybe even better than you think I do. Funny thing about ghosts, though. They can be exorcised.”8Matteo“Can they?” she asked, her voice adorably childlike. “Can they truly?”
“They can. You’ll still have the memories. Believe me, no one knows that better than I do. But you can come to think of them as another lifetime, one that was part of your journey but has no bearing on it now.”
She let out a soft scoff. “I wish I believed that.”
“You don’t have to believe it. Not yet, anyway. Things take time, but the beauty of that is, you’re young and you have all the time in the world.”
She backed up then, settling against the wooden door. Then she met my gaze. “You seem so…together. So much more together than I could ever hope to be.”
“Together is an illusion. No one is fully together, not even Dr. Phil himself. You can bet on that.”
“That’s old news. I’ve lived my life by faking it until I make it. I don’t want to do that anymore. I can’t.”
“Fake it till you make it is bad advice,” I said. “If no one knows you’re struggling, no one will help you, and that can lead to horrible things.”
I knew that better than most, for reasons I tried not to think about.
Shit. That was a boner killer.
Maybe tonight wasn’t the night.
I brushed my lips over Riley’s in a soft kiss. “Good night, honey.”
She lifted her eyebrows. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. You said you’re not ready for anything more, and I respect that. I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I do understand. I’m here, at least for the next week while you’re here. If you need some help chasing away the demons, I’m pretty good at that.”
“I’m not ready, Matt. But I also don’t want to be alone tonight.”
“You came here to a tiny town where you don’t know anyone. You came here to be alone, Riley.”
She smiled shyly. “I did, but then I met you.”
This time I lifted my eyebrows.
“I’m not anywhere near ready for anything, but I can’t deny how attracted I am to you. And honestly, it’s not just because you’re gorgeous to look at. I think you’re one of the good guys, Matt, and for a while, I was wondering if good guys still existed.”
I kept my smile from splitting my face. This was serious, and I wanted to give her the respect she deserved. “Honey, good guys still exist. In fact, there are a shitload more of us than there are bad guys.”