I had planned on leaving Luke’s keys, but I storm over, grab the keys from the driveway, and get in. I wish I could leave two black marks right on my parent’s concrete, but I can’t even do that as I have no experience with peeling tires. Instead, I get in and drive away slowly and carefully, leaving the three of them standing behind me.
I know they’re back there, but I don’t know how they look. If they’re teary-eyed (Mom), pissed off (Dad), regretful (Luke), or just bewildered and annoyed with me. I wonder if my parents are still sharing a look saying it’s all going to work out, but they probably are, which is why I don’t look back. I’ve had just about enough aggravation for tonight.
I do have some money in the bank account I opened after I left my parent’s house, and it’s enough for a hotel room for at least two weeks if I find some dive motel. I have my duffel, my computer, and a degree. This is also the second time I’ve done this. I’m getting good at it, and I have a list of jobs I’ve been meaning to apply for.
I’m going to be fine.
And the first thing I’m going to do when I get to whatever motel it is I’m heading to is to call a tow truck to come and get Luke’s car. I’m going to park it in whatever no parking zone I can find as a last eff you to him, my parents, and all of it.CHAPTER 24LukeI got my car back the morning after the night everything went wrong. Feeney’s parents offered me apologies and reassurances, but I didn’t even hear them. I paid the tow bill for the car, and the keys were inside. It wasn’t keyed, the tires weren’t slashed, and it wasn’t spray painted. It was just as I would have left it in my own garage.
I also dealt with my heartbroken son and did the only thing I could think of and hired another nanny. It’s not hard when you have money. There’s an agency that has a list of people waiting to work. Of course, Shade hated her, and as of now, he still hates her. I think he doesn’t like her just because she’s not Feeney, even though Mary Anne is nice enough. There’s really nothing to not like about her, but I guess I don’t like her either because she’s not Feeney.
I dealt with the merger, which went ahead, of course. The deal never hinged on Feeney, and she wasn’t just thrown in as an afterthought. I might have been completely ignorant and a real asshole by not thinking of her feelings ahead of time, but her parents really do care about her.
Basically, I did what I did after I lost Britt.
I got on with it.
I pretended, went through it all on autopilot, did the things I had to do, signed papers, signed more papers, and did other work shit. The only times I snapped out of it were the times I got to spend with Shade. He will always be the one reason I have to be me as I try and do that to the best of my ability even when everything else feels epically shitty.
We keep it up for three weeks, but then, on a weekend when Mary Anne is out doing something on her own time, the carefully constructed lie that says I’m okay and everything is fine, crumbles hard.
I’m in the backyard with Shade. We were tossing a football around, but then it got hot, so we both decided to take a break by sitting down and doing nothing right there on the grass. I’m thinking about Feeney and all my regrets, which I do pretty much all day long now, but Shade catches me doing it and calls me on my bullshit. Yes, I know he’s only four. And yes, it’s still effective, maybe more so because of his age.
“Dad?”
“Hmm?”
“Did you know Feeney didn’t even know what an opossum was?”
“Really?” My heart aches, my stomach aches, my legs, arms, chest, neck, feet, and hands ache, and my head also aches.
“Yeah. I told her, though.” Shade plucks some grass out of the lawn and stares at it. “Do you think if we called her, she’d come over?”
“I…I don’t know. She has another job now.”
That was the reason I gave Shade for Feeney’s departure. That she took another job, but she was always going to miss him, and she couldn’t say goodbye because some people just aren’t good with that, and she didn’t want to make either of them cry. Yes, I copped out again, and yes, I should have told the truth, but explaining all that shit to a four-year-old was more than I knew how to grapple with when I was still struggling with it. I told Shade whatever I had to because I wanted to protect him, and that’s the honest truth. I think even Feeney would agree it was best.