Darkeyed fairgoers gave her a wide berth, and she found herself afraid. Her father spoke of how a young lighteyed girl could be a target for the brutish people of the lower classes. Surely nobody would harm her here in the open, with so many people about. Still, she clutched her satchel to her chest and found herself trembling as she walked.
What would it be like, to be brave like Helaran? As her mother had been.
Her mother…
“Brightness?”
Shallan shook herself. How long had she been standing there, on the path? The sun had moved. She turned sheepishly to find Jix the guard standing behind her. Though he had a gut and rarely kept his hair combed, Jix was strong—she had once seen him pull a cart out of the way when the chull’s hitch broke. He’d been one of her father’s guards for as long as she could remember.
“Ah,” she said, trying to cover her nervousness, “you’re here to accompany me?”
“Well, I was gonna bring you back…”
“Did my father order you to?”
Jix chewed on the yamma root, called cussweed by some, in his cheek. “He was busy.”
“Then you will accompany me?” She shook from the nervousness of saying it.
“I suppose.”
She breathed out a sigh of relief and turned around on the pathway, stone where rockbuds and shalebark had been scraped away. She turned one way, then the other. “Um… We need to find the gambling pavilion.”
“That’s not a place for a lady.” Jix eyed her. “Particularly not one of your age, Brightness.”
“Well, I suppose you can go tell my father what I’m doing.” She shuffled from one foot to the other.
“And in the meantime,” Jix said, “you’ll try to find it on your own, won’t you? Go in by yourself if you find it?”
She shrugged, blushing. That was exactly what she’d do.
“Which means I’d have left you wandering around in a place like that without protection.” He groaned softly. “Why do you defy him like this, Brightness? You’re just going to make him angry.”
“I think… I think he will anger no matter what I or anyone does,” she said. “The sun will shine. The highstorms will blow. And Father will yell. That’s just how life is.” She bit her lip. “The gambling pavilion? I promise that I will be brief.”
“This way,” Jix said. He didn’t walk particularly quickly as he led her, and he frequently glared at darkeyed fairgoers who passed. Jix was lighteyed, but only of the eighth dahn.
“Pavilion” turned out to be too grand a term for the patched and ripped tarp strung up at the edge of the fairgrounds. She’d have found it on her own soon enough. The thick canvas, with sides that hung down a few feet, made it surprisingly dark inside.
Men crowded together in there. The few women that Shallan saw had the fingers cut out of the gloves on their safehands. Scandalous. She found herself blushing as she stopped at the perimeter, looking in at the dark, shifting forms. Men shouted inside with raw voices, any sense of Vorin decorum left out in the sunlight. This was, indeed, not a place for someone like her. She had trouble believing it was a place for anyone.
“How about I go in for you,” Jix said. “Is it a bet you’re wanting to—”
Shallan pushed forward. Ignoring her own panic, her discomfort, she moved into the darkness. Because if she did not, then it meant that none of them were resisting, that nothing would change.
Jix stayed at her side, shoving her some space. She had trouble breathing inside; the air was dank with sweat and curses. Men turned and glanced at her. Bows—even nods—were slow in coming, if they were offered at all. The implication was clear. If she wouldn’t obey social conventions by staying out, they didn’t have to obey them by showing her deference.
“Is there something specific you’re searching for?” Jix asked. “Cards? Guessing games?”
“Axehound fights.”
Jix groaned. “You’re gonna end up stabbed, and I’m gonna end up on a roasting spit. This is crazy…”
She turned, noting a group of men cheering. That sounded promising. She ignored the increasing trembling in her hands, and also tried to ignore a group of drunk men sitting in a ring on the ground, staring at what appeared to be vomit.
The cheering men sat on crude benches with others crowded around. A glimpse between bodies showed two small axehounds. There were no spren. When people crowded about like this, spren were rare, even though the emotions seemed to be very high.
One set of benches was not crowded. Balat sat here, coat unbuttoned, leaning on a post in front of him with arms crossed. His disheveled hair and stooped posture gave him an uncaring look, but his eyes… his eyes lusted. He watched the poor animals killing one another, fixated on them with the intensity of a woman reading a powerful novel.
Shallan stepped up to him, Jix remaining a little ways behind. Now that he’d seen Balat, the guard relaxed.
“Balat?” Shallan asked timidly. “Balat!”
He glanced at her, then nearly toppled off his bench. He scrambled up to his feet. “What in the… Shallan! Get out of here. What are you doing?” He reached for her.
She cringed down despite herself. He sounded like Father. As he took her by the shoulder, she held up the note from Eylita. The lavender paper, dusted with perfume, seemed to glow.
Balat hesitated. To the side, one axehound bit deeply into the leg of the other. Blood sprayed the ground, deep violet.
“What is it?” Balat asked. “That is the glyphpair of House Tavinar.”
“It’s from Eylita.”
“Eylita? The daughter? Why… what…”
Shallan broke the seal, opening the letter to read for him. “She wishes to walk with you along the fairgrounds stream. She says she’ll be waiting there, with her handmaid, if you want to come.”
Balat ran a hand through his curling hair. “Eylita? She’s here. Of course she’s here. Everyone is here. You talked to her? Why— But—”
“I know how you’ve looked at her,” Shallan said. “The few times you’ve been near.”
“So you talked to her?” Balat demanded. “Without my permission? You said I’d be interested in something like”—he took the letter—“like this?”
Shallan nodded, wrapping her arms around herself.
Balat looked back toward the fighting axehounds. He bet because it was expected of him, but he didn’t come here for the money—unlike Jushu would.
Balat ran his hand through his hair again, then looked back at the letter. He wasn’t a cruel man. She knew it was a strange thing to think, considering what he sometimes did. Shallan knew the kindness he showed, the strength that hid within him. He hadn’t acquired this fascination with death until Mother had left them. He could come back, stop being like that. He could.
“I need…” Balat looked out of the tent. “I need to go! She’ll be waiting for me. I shouldn’t make her wait.” He buttoned up his coat.
Shallan nodded eagerly, following him from the pavilion. Jix trailed along behind, though a couple of men called out to him. He must be known in the pavilion.
Balat stepped out into the sunlight. He seemed a changed man, just like that.