I chuckled. “Is that one of your jobs as captain, to take care of the other guys on the team? That has to be exhausting.”
He grinned. “It’s not in the job description, but I’m the oldest on the team, in terms of how long I’ve been in it and in age, so I act like everyone’s big brother when there’s trouble going on. Having one of the players would be bad for the team, but losing a few games wouldn’t kill anyone as long as they can pick up and try again next time. This isn’t something that’s going to make you give up, is it?”
I almost smiled. Whether he knew it or not, he was giving me ideas not just about football, but my relationship with Zoe as well.
“Of course, I’m not going to give up, captain,” I said, meaning it in every possible way.
“Good,” he said. “Are you sure you’re okay, though? You weren’t like this in the morning, and we really need you pulling your best in this. Even if not today, you need to sort yourself out for the next practice, okay?”
Grady was a great team captain. I even understood why he was considered the team’s big brother, he was good at acting the part. He didn’t try to be condescending or to pry into my business, even though as team captain, he deserved some answers if I was going to make things hard for everyone else. Already, I felt a little better.
“Thanks, Grady,” I said quietly. “I’ll give it my best shot, promise.”
“If you’re as good as you were for morning practice that would be fine.”
“Sure. Let’s head back in.”
I wasn’t exactly fine in morning practice, though. Grady and the rest of them probably just thought that way because I hadn’t made nearly as much mistakes, and when I did, it wasn’t anything that obvious unless someone was paying close attention. Thankfully, we didn’t have anyone looking in on practice today. We’d done this several enough times that Grady as the team captain was left to handle us. N
ot until the last weeks to the first games before they’d go back to monitoring us as tightly.
It made Zoe’s absence that much more apparent, though. She’d have been there no matter what, she wasn’t analyzing and assessing the team’s capabilities, or not just that. She genuinely enjoyed watching the team play. This morning, I’d come in with hope that Zoe might come in today, only I waited until lunch, and still she didn’t come. It was when I realized she’d missed another day that got me distracted.
Something is wrong.
There had to be something wrong. In the short weeks since I’d started practicing with the team, this was the first time when she didn’t show up at all when she usually appeared for every single practice, even if all she got to do was cheer everyone on in the sidelines. One day was nothing, a couple days was curious, but this many days in a row with no word? Something was definitely up, but if she didn’t say anything, there was no way I would know. I didn’t know where I could find her to talk, either.
We played for another hour or so, and I was a bit better for the second half of practice. It wasn’t my best, but it was good enough. I got a grin from Grady for mostly pulling myself together, and most of the other guys seemed like they’d already forgotten it.
Not everyone, though.
“Dude, what the hell is going on? You were a mess out there.”
I winced. We were in the locker rooms, and I’d already showered and was getting changed. I supposed it was too much to ask to be able to get away without someone asking questions. They had every right to ask, too, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone about this.
“I know, okay? I’m sorry, I’m just a little out of it. I’ll try to be better tomorrow.”
Somehow, I’d have to keep my baggage at home when I came in to practice. I planned to try. The guy didn’t seem like he’d be appeased with just that, though.
“It’s only your fourth week practicing with us, and the week has only just started. If you’re like this now, how are you going to be when we do a practice game?”
I scowled at his persistence. Someone spoke up for me before I could say anything, which improved my mood a little bit. At least some of the guys still trusted me.
“Hey, let it go already. I’m sure he’ll be back to himself later.”
“There’s no way I can’t say anything! We’ve been waiting for a good running back, but if he’s just going to hold the team back, then wouldn’t we be better without him? Howard, stop acting like a lovesick teenager already, all right?”
I froze, then looked up with a frown. “Excuse me? What did you just say?”
“I said, stop acting like a lovesick teenager. I swear, this whole thing reminds me of high school, only without the cheerleaders...”
“What the fuck do you think you know about me that gives you the right to say that?”
He looked taken aback, and I didn’t really blame him. I had a bit of a temper, I just wasn’t so easily triggered, but how could I not get angry because of those words? My feelings for Zoe weren’t something so trivial. I did get what he meant, but I’d been fooling around even in high school.
This was something entirely serious, enough that it affected my playing when I’d managed to keep up before with my overindulgent habits, so I couldn’t stand someone making it sound so trivial.
“Whoa, man. Calm down, I was just–”
I cut him off. “You were just running your mouth about shit you know nothing about. We might be a team now, but that doesn’t give you the right to butt into my personal life.”
“I do if you’re going to be messing up practice for the rest of us!”