Becky came back a few days later, and she was in tears. She and Mike had split up while she was at home, and she was heartbroken. It was my turn to comfort her, to be the one to take care of her, and I did the best I could. I was sick a few more times, but I knew it was stress. I wanted to call the boys, but something stopped me.
Maybe it was the way Becky had talked about them as if they were some kind of perverts or the fact that she’d broken up with Mike because he kept pushing for group sex. I didn’t want to lose her friendship, not when she’d been so kind to me but I needed them. The longer I lived without them, the more I knew I couldn’t go on much longer without them in my life.
I’d turn to tell him something, only he wasn’t there. I’d reach for him in the darkness, but he wasn’t there. Even if he was a ‘them’, I wanted the one that gave me what I needed at any specific moment. I needed the Bentley brothers, period. And I needed them desperately.
I put it off because of Becky, but two more weeks passed and she was still hating men in general. I wanted to talk to her about it, to warn her but she was so negative about everything that I stayed quiet.
My nausea finally disappeared, about the time the emails and texts stopped altogether, and I could finally open up my browser without 500 notifications about what a whore I was and did I suck cock as well as the bathroom wall said I did. I walked around campus with my head high, my stomach was no longer a mess, and I got on with life.
Until the day I saw one of the brothers. He was there, waiting for me when I got off work, and I just couldn’t say no.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Celia
“Hi, I’m Colin.” He held his hand out to me, and I stared at it uncertainly.
I wanted to jump on him, wrap my legs around him, and kiss him until he fell on the lawn. But I held myself back, unsure, with my hands in the back pockets of my jeans. I couldn’t do this, could I?
“Celia.” I looked around, uncertain, but with an ache to be in his arms that I could barely control.
“I’d like to take you to dinner. Somewhere out of town, if you’d like.”
“That might be nice.” I readjusted the bag slung over my shoulder and looked around. Nobody noticed us. Nobody whispered, they just went about their business and didn’t care. “Maybe somewhere with milkshakes?”
“I know a place that makes the best peanut butter milkshakes you’ve ever had,” he replied, a grin on his face. He’d lost weight, and there were dark circles under his eyes, but in the gray depths, I saw hope. A plea for forgiveness.
Something in me twisted, and my face followed suit. He rushed to me, took me in his arms, and held me tight. “I’ve missed you so much, Celia.”
I snuggled into him, the safety so familiar, the comfort something I’d missed. I curled my head to his chest, listened to his steady heartbeat, and closed my eyes. This was where I belonged. Even if society said it was wrong. Even if Becky hated me for it.
“I can’t say no anymore, Colin. I’ve missed you all so much.”
He nodded silently and then opened the car door for me. I got in and sat, so relieved I finally felt exactly how miserable I’d been without him.
We didn’t talk, we just went through the drive-thru and then he parked in a park. We sat together and finally, I began to speak.
“What you three did was more than horrible, Colin. It was soul-crushing. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life, and this might haunt me for the rest of my life. I don’t know. What I do know is that I just can’t go on without you all. I don’t know how to make this work, or if we can, but I know you meant well and that you didn’t do this to cause me the grief that you have. And all I can promise right now is that I will try. That’s all I can do.”
“That’s all that we ask, Celia.” He took my hand, kissed it, and then wiped a finger down my cheek and along my jawline. “Whatever you want, that’s what you’ll get.”
“I just want to stop hurting and to be loved again,” I said to him with total honesty.
“Then that’s what you’ll get.”
I smiled, looked down at my lap and saw my hands were clenched together so tightly my knuckles were white.
I took a deep breath and then asked him to take me home. This was enough for today. I had to do this one step at a time.
***
The next day, another brother waited for me when I got off work.
“Hi, I’m Grant.”
“Hi, Grant. You’re my romantic one, aren’t you?” I asked as I took the flowers he offered me. He smiled that bashful smile I’d seen a few times and looked away.
“Yeah, I guess I am. Want to go to dinner with me?”
“Where are you going?” I asked and got in the car. This time, I didn’t even look around. I hadn’t told Becky my plans, or how I was taking things slow with the boys. I knew she’d be upset, but she’d find out one way or another, so I had to tell her soon.
“To the best place to get a steak in the entire state. It’s a little place, deep in the heart of the city, so we might have to walk, but it’s worth it.”
I looked down at the half-boots I wore and knew my feet might hate me, but I didn’t care. I’d walk the boots off my feet to be with him.