"Remember what?"
"That night, after Troy ..."
He trails off and my anger flares again.
"Just tell me! Quit beating around the bush."
Ben closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Then he pushes me off his bed turning to stand himself. He rises and I have a moment to see his perfect form and almost it's enough to offset my anger at him with the rush of heat that floods through me. He throws a robe over himself as cover then looks at me.
"Let's get some tea," he says then leads the way to the kitchen.
Chapter ten
We sit at the breakfast nook. Ben pours hot water into our tea cups. Neither of us has said a word since we left the bedroom. I don't know what it is he expects me to remember but I'm taking the time to compose myself. I stopped in the bathroom and put a cold rinse on my face to clean my tears and by the time I sat down he'd gotten tea ready with some cookies that Esmeralda left for us.
He stares into his cup dipping the tea ball then he sets it aside and looks at me.
"What do you remember?" he asks.
"I told you already."
He nods raising the cup to his lips to blow on it. Then he sips, sets it back down and nods again. His right index finger begins tracing a circle on the table.
"Troy tried to rape you, you remember that right?"
I nod to keep him talking. I don't like to remember it. Troy was the Captain of the Football team and the first guy to ask me out. I'd been so excited, bought a new dress, and felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. We'd gone to dinner and a movie then he'd taken me to Overlook Point. I'd told him no but he wouldn't stop. He'd torn my dress and was almost to the point of taking my virginity despite my protests and screams when the door flew open behind him and suddenly he was gone.
I was hysterical and having an asthma attack from my screaming. Then Ben was there pulling me from the back of the car, holding me tight, putting my inhaler in my hand and helping me get it to my lips.
He'd heard some of the football players talking about Troy's plan. He'd beaten up three of them to find out where I was and then come to save me. Troy had spent a week in a hospital after Ben found him. We'd also pressed charges.
"Yes, I do."
"What about what happened ... after?"
I shake my head. "It's all just moments, I don't really know how it all fits together."
I hated to admit that. It made me feel weak, out of control.
"I didn't realize you ..." he says and trails off.
I stare into his beautiful gray eyes and wait.
"Well I thought you knew. That was why you never reached out to me," he says.
"Reached out to you? You left me!"
My voice cracks as anger pulses through me. Ben nods but sits in silence while eating a cookie.
"Vic, after ... Troy I brought you home. We were in your bedroom and I was trying to get you calmed down. I didn't mean to but, I kissed you. Then we were in your bed and I was going to ... then your dad walked in."
I stare at him like he just told me the moon is made of cheese. I shake my head back and forth.
"Did we ..."
"No, we didn't. He walked in just as I was about to."
He stares at me waiting to see how I'm taking it. I'm lost. I didn't know this happened but as he says the words, I can see the glimmer of a memory. I know he's telling me the truth.
It makes sense. I recall again crawling into his bed with him. The way he would spoon up against me, the feel of his erection pressed into my back. My own burning desire but we couldn't. We were related, step related but still. It would be weird. I mean, lots of girls probably get crushes on their sexy older stepbrother but you can't actually do anything about it.
"Dad walked in?" I ask trying to finish putting the pieces together.
Ben nods.
"That's why I have a memory of you on the floor in front of him!"
"That's the only time he ever hit me, yes."
"But why did you leave?"
"He made me," Ben says.
"Made you? When did you ever do what anyone else told you to do?"
"Vic, it was wrong. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. You were young, you didn't know what you were doing. You'd just been traumatized and then I tried to take advantage of you! And you're my sister."
"Step sister," I say pointedly.
"Whatever," he says. "It's not right. I shouldn't have let myself fall for you."
"Who controls who they love?" I challenge him. "Tell me who? We can't control who our hearts want! That's what all the poets and the playwrights say isn't it? That the heart yearns for what the heart yearns. We're not blood related so where's the harm?"
Ben looks surprised. He shakes his head but says nothing.
"Vic, it was wrong of me ..."
"And it was wrong of me, so what?"
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"Because I love you too. I've wanted you for years! I've spent the last six years mad at you for leaving me and you didn't have to!"
"I'm sorry Vic, I've never stopped loving you. I still love you. All my heart, it's yours."
Ben moves from his side of the nook to mine in a flash. Pulling me from my chair he wraps his amazing strong arms around me and pulls me up into his embrace. Our lips meet again like electric fire coursing through my veins.