We laughed but then grew silent for a while. We were so desperate that even the most ridiculous ideas seemed reasonable.
“I don’t want to give up on her,” Ted said quietly.
“I don’t either,” I echoed. “But what choice do we have?”
“We’ll figure something out,” he said reassuringly, perhaps more to his benefit than mine. “We have to.”
Not knowing how to deal with our feelings, we kept drinking and imagining silly situations where we could get what we wanted. I think I fell asleep after kicking around an idea to host a jousting competition, complete with a castle tower for Whitney to watch from.
There was no doubt about it—we were unhappy with where we were. But, I felt fortunate that I had someone to understand what I was going through. Throughout our friendship, Ted and I shared a lot of things. Out of everything we’d been through together, I knew that this was the one that would make us closer than ever. We would probably miss out on the greatest love of our life, but at the very least, I still had my best friend by my side.
Chapter Eighteen
Whitney
Things were just starting to look up for me. Within twenty-four hours of applying for a job in the city, I got a call from the hospital administrator. They wanted me to come in for an interview right away.
I practiced interview questions with myself in the mirror until I couldn’t stand the sight of my face. Then, I put on my power suit and strode confidently out the door. Deep down, I was a little nervous, but I remembered that no one else knew about my past. It was a new hospital and I could be anyone I wanted to be.
I tried to embody the person I promised myself I would be. I would work hard, stay focused, and not take shit from anyone. I knew that above anything else, I was a capable, compassionate physician, and if I could just be myself, that would shine through in the interview.
Apparently, my little pep talk worked, because they gave me an offer on the spot. In fact, I would be making more than I did at my last job. Plus, the commute was better and the hospital was really nice. It all seemed too good to be true.
I told the interviewing committee that I would still need a few days to weigh my options. The hospital was great, but fairly close to the old one. I wasn’t sure if it gave me the amount of space I needed from my parents and my former lovers.
It was hard telling Maria about my tentative plans. I loved living and working with her, but she understood why I needed to go. I wanted to stay in town just so I could have her nearby, but I knew I had more important things to consider. I had to do what was right for me.
I already had a few other phone interviews lined up in different parts of the country in the following days. I figured that by the end of the week, I would know exactly where I was going to start my new career. It was sad to think about leaving everything from my old life behind, but I was also pretty excited. More than ever, I felt like I had a good grasp on what I wanted out of life. I knew that I would be just fine, even if I didn’t always feel like it.
With job offers already coming in, the only other thing that was keeping me down was having to turn both Chad and Ted down. I knew that we were never officially dating, but I still felt like I was going through a major breakup with two people at once. It felt terrible having to look someone in the eye after they’ve confessed their love and telling them that you can’t make it work. The devastated look on Ted’s face lingered in the back of my mind all the time.
I knew that only time could heal these wounds. I just wished that time could speed up so I wouldn’t have to feel them so deeply. Talking to Maria, keeping myself as busy as possible, and the occasional bottle of booze helped to dull the pain, but nothing took it away completely.
But, having completed one major task on the road to getting my life back in order, I was feeling a little better. I planned on rewarding myself with a glass of wine and a long bath.
“Maria,” I called when I got home. “I thought you were going out on a date tonight?”
It smelled like cologne, and all the lights were out. She must have moved her party to our house. I cautiously flipped on a light, hoping that if they were fooling around on the couch, they’d have enough time to make themselves decent.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I turned on the lights. There, in my living room, were both Ted and Chad, each holding a bouquet, with stupid grins on their faces.
“What are you doing here?” I shrieked. “You scared me! How the hell did you get in here?”
“Sorry,” they said in unison.
“Maria let us in,” Ted explained.
I rolled my eyes. I would have to talk to Maria about this later. She was a hopeless romantic. I bet she heard what they were up to and absolutely ate that shit up.
“We’ve been talking,” Chad said, “and we’ve decided that we can’t live without you.”
My heart skipped a beat.
“And if you can’t choose between the two of us, then we’d like to propose an alternative suggestion,” Ted said.
“And what would that be?” I asked, my face feeling flushed. I was nervous to hear what they had to say. I couldn’t go through the heartbreak of turning them down again. Seeing the crushed looks on both of their faces would absolutely kill me.
“Are you ready for this?” Chad said, looking eager.
“I think I need to sit down.”
They parted so I could drop my body onto the couch. For some reason, my limbs felt weak. The two of them stood in front of me, impossibly handsome. They were both wearing dress shirts and slacks, as though they’d discussed what they were going to wear beforehand. Whatever they were up to took planning.
“If you want both of us,” Chad said, “we’re not going to stop you. We want to be with you so badly that we don’t even care if we have to share. Will you go out with both of us?”
“I don’t think I understand,” I said. “And to be honest, all of this seems like it was made for a reality television show. This is not how normal human beings do things.”
“Why do we have to be normal?” Chad asked. “Why can’t we do whatever makes us happy?”
I didn’t have an answer for that. When he put it that way, it seemed so simple.
“Because this kind of thing has already gotten us into big trouble. Nobody wants their respectable doctor to get into weird shit at home.”
“Who has to know?” Ted asked.
“So how would this work? I just date the both of you? Won’t you get jealous?”
“Like we said, we don’t mind sharing.” Ted smiled. “We thought we could all hang out together. We could even have sex together. It was pretty great the first time.”
He wasn’t wrong about that.
“I just don’t know,” I cried. “I feel like it’s bound to go wrong at some point.”
“But what if it goes right?” Chad asked.
“Is this an open relationship, then?” I asked.
“I don’t know about you,” Ted said, “but Chad and I only want you.”
I blushed. I felt like I was having a strange dream. In theory, it all seemed perfect. I could have both of the men I loved and they were perfectly fine with that agreement. On the other hand, the idea of putting it into practice was so bizarre that I could hardly wrap my head around it.
“I just don’t know,” I said.
“We’ve been miserable without you,” Chad said, sitting down next to me. Ted sat on my other side. “I love you, Ted loves you, and hell, Ted and I kind of love each other. All we need is for you to love us back, and our little triangle is complete.”
I looked at the both of them, expectant looks on their faces. I didn’t have the heart to crush their dreams again, especially since it sounded like a dream come true to me too.
The truth was, I really loved both of them equally. I never thought such a thing was possible before, but here I was, sitting between the two loves of my life. But what they were proposing we do was so far outside of m
y comfort zone that I wasn’t sure I could be a part of it. I cared way too much about what people thought about me, and I wasn’t sure if love was enough to overpower all the stress that could come from this kind of agreement.
“I love you guys too,” I said, feeling tears come to my eyes. “I really do.”
“So, can we make it official?” Ted asked.
“Or officially unofficial?” Chad corrected.
I bit my lip as I thought. It just felt so good to have them both near me that I didn’t want to say or do anything that would cause them to leave.
“How are we going to work out all the intricate details and rules of this thing?” I asked tentatively.
“I think we can play it by ear and work at it was we go,” Ted answered. “We’re willing to make this work, no matter what. We’re open to talking things through.”
“And what do we do if it all goes horribly wrong and blows up in our faces?”
“Then at least we tried,” Chad said. “I think that’s much better than going our whole lives never knowing if we could have made it work.”
“If you’re sure . . .” I said slowly.
“Is that a yes?” Ted asked, a big grin on his face.
“Yes,” I responded, finally matching their smile.
They erupted into cheers and both embraced me. I felt so loved, being the center of the group hug. The love of one person is a powerful thing in itself, but multiplied by two, my heart could hardly take it. I don’t think I had ever been happier in my entire life.
Chad kissed me on the cheek while Ted wiped a stray tear away with his thumb.