“Then I call bullshit.” He kicks off, joining me in the sky. “Come on, pretty girl. You just made my night. Do you know how long I’ve thought that this was a one-sided crush?”
I laugh to myself as my cheeks heat at the memory of the dream. “Micha, it’s way too embarrassing.”
He catches the chain of my swing and plants his feet down in the snow, abruptly jerking us to a stop. “Come on, it’s going to drive me crazy.”
Our faces are only inches apart and his breath is hot against my cheeks.
Staring down at the ground, my hair falls to the side of my face. “I had a dream that you and I had sex on the hood of your Chevelle.”
He sweeps my hair back and the look on his face tells me I’m in for it. “Were you on you back or did I have you bent over.”
My frozen cheeks start to burn. “I was on top of you on the hood.”
He rubs his jawline, letting out a low laugh. “We are so doing that while we’re here.”
I swat his arm. “We’re supposed to be taking things easy… and after what happened in the—”
He puts his hand over my mouth. “That’s why I brought you here—to tell you the truth. You need to understand how I feel about you and I figure this is the perfect place since it’s where it all really began.”
“You want to play truth again?”
“I want to play truth again.”
We stare out at the quiet street. There is something about the holidays and the snowfall that shuts everyone up in the neighborhood. It’s nice and was my favorite time of the year as a kid.
“Do I make you miserable?” I ask suddenly.
He shakes his head swiftly. “Never. Not one single time. Sad, yes. Miserable, no.” He takes a deep breath. “Have you and Blake ever done anything?”
My head whips toward him. “That’s your question?”
He shrugs. “I need to know.”
“No. Not once did I ever even think about it,” I say. “What about you? Did you ever do anything on the road?”
He rolls his eyes like it’s the most ridiculous question he’s ever heard. “Even when I thought you cheated on me and I wanted to go back to my old habits, I just couldn’t get there.” He pauses. “Although, Naomi did try to kiss me.”
My jaw tightens as anger trickles through me. “Lila was right.”
He draws his hood over his head and tucks his hands into his sleeves. “About what?”
“That Naomi had a thing for you.”
“Was that where all that bitchiness came from in LA?”
I nod. “Yep, she overheard Naomi talking crap about me.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asks.
“Because I trusted you.” I shrug. “And I didn’t want to start trouble.”
He traces my lip with his chilled finger and it sends a shiver coursing through my body. “I want you to be more honest with me. I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me things.”
“You keep things from me,” I remind him. “Because you don’t think I can handle stuff. And I need to learn how to handle stuff, otherwise, explosions happen.”
He moves his hand back to the chain. “Like your panic attacks?”
I swallow the giant lump in my throat. “Yeah, like those… and you need to really consider if you want to deal with that shit for the rest of your life, because I may be able to get it under control, but sometimes stuff will trigger it.”
“For the rest of my life?” His voice softens. “Do you want that, Ella May? Do you want me eternally, infinitely, forever, till death do us part?”
My chest pressurizes with the heaviness of his words, so I make a joke. “Have you been reading the thesaurus again?”
“No jokes.” He rolls up the sleeve of his jacket, and reveals the black lines of the infinity tattoo. “I’m not asking you to marry me, but I want to know if you see us together forever, because I sure as hell do.”
My insides quiver at the honesty in his aqua eyes. “But I’m broken.”
His gaze never wavers from me. “I know what I’m getting into and I want it more than anything, but the question is, do you want me?”
My heart thumps fitfully inside my chest as I let the shield around it evaporate into dust and listen to it wholly for once, shoving away the worry. “Yes.”
It feels like the sky has opened up and the sunshine has been freed from the clouds.
Micha lets out a gradual breath as he stares off at the road. “Fuck, I’ve been waiting for you to say that for forever.”
I lean over to kiss him, but he pulls away, and instead holds up his hand. “Now we need to make the pact again.”
“I’m not going to spit in my hand,” I say with disgust. “And then let you mix your spit with it.”
“Why? You did it before.” He spits in his hand. “Besides, we’ve done a lot dirtier things than this.”
I know once I do it, I’m making a commitment. “We have so many problems.”
“I’ll ease up on the drinking if that’s what you need. Hell, I’d cut my f**king arm off if you’d just let me be with you,” he says. “But, Ella, we can wait around, wasting years, hoping we’ll reach perfection in our lives. But it doesn’t exist. We’ll always have problems, but as long as we work through them together, I think we’ll be okay.”
“There are so many problems.” I pull off my glove and spit in my trembling hand. “But if this is what you want, then I’m in. Although, I have to say that cutting your arm off would be a disgusting gesture.”
“Fine, if you really want me to, I’ll keep my arm.” He jokes, then hesitates, edging his hand away. “Is this what you really want though? Because all I want is for you to be happy.”
I search my brain for the truth. “I want it more than anything, just as long as you promise me one thing.”
“And what’s that?”
“That if at any time it gets to be too much for you, you’ll leave me—walk away and get out.”
“That will never happen,” he guarantees me. “You need to give me some credit. You left me, ripped out my heart, and then came back acting like a robot, and you know what? We made it through. You and I, good or bad, belong together. We make each other whole.”
Tears threaten to spill out and my heart nearly stops. To anyone else, it would sound like a line, but I know it’s the truth. I lift my hand up with my palm facing him. “I need you to promise, just so I can have peace of mind.”
“Fine.” He says tolerantly. “I promise that if things get too bad, I’ll walk away.”
I let out a breath of relief. “Then I’m in.”
It’s the exact words I said during our last pact when we promised to run away together, get a nice house, good jobs, and have a happy life.
“So am I.” He spits into his hand again. “Gotta make sure it’s nice and slimy for you.”
Snorting a laugh, I press my palm to his and I swear the earth stops, because this moment is the beginning of forever.
“Now we have to kiss,” Micha says, leaning in. “It’s tradition.”
I meet him halfway and brush my lips to his. His hand cups my cheek and he instantly intensifies the kiss, stroking his tongue with mine. Our breaths collide and swarm around us as the swings’ chains clink together with our movements.
Pulling away slightly, he captures me by the waist and aids me over to his lap, so I’m facing him with my legs tucked through the space on each side of him.
“No flinging us out onto the ground,” I order, putting my glove on before winding my hands around the chains. “Last time I nearly broke my arm.”
A devious look masks his face as he picks up his feet and soars us off into the sky. It’s cold as hell and there are dogs howling in the background as someone starts to shout, but I can still feel it—the lightness that comes with letting someone love you completely.
Chapter 18
Micha
Early the next morning, Caroline called to ask Ella if she would mind doing the shopping for Christmas dinner. Ella agreed and Caroline gave her a list of stuff. I was kind of annoyed, since Ella used to have to take care of this shit all the time when we were growing up. Dean should have offered her a break. So after we cleared out all the alcohol from the house in preparation for the arrival of Ella’s father, we went to the local grocery store.
“I have a confession,” I announce as we walk up the frozen-food aisle. The store is crowded and picked over since it’s Christmas day and everyone in the damn town has rushed to buy last-minute stuff.
“I’m not sure I want to hear your confession,” she responds with a smile as she scans the list. She’s wearing a tight pair of jeans that hug at her hips, and every time she bends over to grab something off the bottom shelf, I get a nice view of her ass. “Things have been going so well.”
“But it’s kind of important and it’s been bugging me since our game of truth yesterday, because it should have been said.” I pause. “I want you to know that I talked to this music producer down in San Diego.”
Her eyes slowly lift from the paper. “When did this happen?”
“It happened, like, a couple of days ago.” I inch the cart out of the way as an old woman nearly runs into the back of me. I have my hood over my head and she looks at me like I’m going to rob her, so I charm her with a smile, before returning my attention to Ella. “And it’s not really a big deal. Some guy came up to me and handed me his card when I was playing at The Hook Up. I don’t even recognize his name or anything, although I Googled him and he does work for a small studio.”
“Did you call him?” She opens a freezer door to get a bag of frozen peas.
I nod, taking the bag from her hand and tossing it into the cart. “Yeah, he wants me to come out for a meeting in, like, a couple of weeks.”
She wraps her leather jacket tighter around her with a puzzled look on her face. “And what happens if it works out for you? Then you’ll move to California?”
“Maybe… I don’t know,” I lie with hesitance. “I haven’t let myself think about the what-if’s too much.”
She adds another bag of frozen peas to the cart and starts walking down the aisle. “But what if something happens? Because it could. You are amazing after all.”
“Well, if something does happen…” I clear my throat, feeling like a total p**sy over the fact that I’m nervous. “Then I was thinking that maybe you could move there with me. They have a couple colleges nearby that you could transfer to so you don’t have to give that up.”
He eyes widen just like I anticipated. “And we would just, what? Live together?”
“Well, I wasn’t thinking we’d move out there and live separately.”
“Live together,” she repeats. “Like, with you?”
“Calm down, okay? You don’t have to answer now.” I toss a bag of chips into the cart and push it forward. “Just think about it.”