As my fingers wander all over her body, the contentment shifts to passion. I’m trying to take it slow, not wanting her to think that sex is all I’m after, but the desire to feel her, thrust inside her, press our bodies together becomes too overpowering. I rip off her bra, flip her on her back, and cover her body with mine. I suck on her n**ples and she keeps whimpering and tugging at my hair and it only makes me more anxious to be inside her. Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I kiss a path down her stomach and spread her legs apart with my hands. She lets out a sequence of moans as I slide my fingers inside her and feel her thoroughly until she screams out my name. When I pull them out, she starts to protest until I bury my face between her legs and slip my tongue inside the spot where my fingers just left.
“Jesus… Ethan…” She groans breathlessly, her h*ps arching up as she threads her fingers through my hair, tugging at the roots. I kiss her and lick her until she’s quivering and my dick feels like it’s going to explode. Then I move my lips toward her mouth, but she sits up.
Her blue eyes are glazed over as she reaches for the button of my jeans and she flicks it undone, her fingers shaking as she attempts to remove my pants. I help her out and slip out of the jeans and my boxers and kick them to the side. I reach for her panties and jerk them down her legs, noting that she’s quivering. I toss them aside, and then take a condom out of the back pocket of my jeans. I’m about to thrust inside, but pause. She’s trembling even more and I’m starting to grow worried.
“Are you okay?” I ask, needing to make sure because I know what she’s been through and the last thing I ever want to do is pressure her.
She nods her head up and down, her legs opening up as I kneel between them, her hair spread all over the pillow. “I’m fine.”
“You’re shaking, though.”
“I know… I just want this—I want you. Really, really bad.”
Relief washes through me as I lower myself over her, lining our bodies together, and prop an arm on each side of her head. I kiss her tenderly, trying to calm her down, but she continues to shiver and it only amplifies when I slowly slip inside her.
“Oh my God…” she cries out, writhing her h*ps to meet my movement, nearly pushing me over the edge way too soon. “It feels so good… it does… God, I love you…”
The ecstasy in her eyes makes it hard not to come and the sound of those words leaving her lips makes the sensation even more intense. I thrust inside her, over and over again, thinking only about her, feeling every part of it, our bodies connecting. I’d always believed that love was never worth it. That if I loved someone we’d eventually ruin each other, but this has to be different. What I’m feeling right now has to mean something more. This has to be real love.
“I love you, too,” I whisper, sealing our lips together and ultimately our hearts.
Epilogue
Lila
Ella seemed really nervous when we left her at the house to finish getting ready. But I’m sure it’s normal, since she’s about to commit herself to one person forever. I would have stayed with her, but I wanted to decorate around the cliff area where they are getting married. I picked up some flowers and candles on my way down, hoping to spruce up the dirt area as much as I could. Micha and Ethan helped me out and then we took a cab to the cliff so Ella could have the car. Luckily the wind wasn’t blowing, otherwise the flames wouldn’t have stayed lit and the flowers would have blown away. Thankfully, for one day, the weather decided to be nearly perfect, the sky almost blue, the waves of the ocean content, and the temperature lukewarm, especially for December.
Ethan and I are standing near the edge of a short cliff, the ocean out before us. The sun shines brightly down onto the sand and glows against my skin. Micha is standing next to the minister, waiting for Ella to get here. It’s been amazing to watch the two of them and what they’ve gone through to get to this place and I find myself wondering if I’ll ever get here myself. Maybe. Someday. Hopefully. But right now I’m just focusing on Ethan and the fact that he makes me feel happy, one day at a time. And I mean genuinely, freely, breathtakingly happy.
“You know I hate weddings, right?” Ethan remarks, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “They’re super cheesy.”
“I thought you liked cheesy.” I nudge him with my elbow a little roughly and he winces.
He rolls his eyes, fidgeting with the collar of his button-down shirt that I made him wear. “Just so you know, I’ll have my cheesy and nice moments, but most of the time I’ll probably be a douche.”
I roll my eyes in response to his eye roll and smooth out the wrinkles of my red dress. “You’re such a liar. In fact, there are very few times I’ve ever thought you were a douche.”
He turns his head toward me, slipping his fingers through mine. “Not even when I told you to sell your clothes.”
I shake my head, holding his gaze. “I might have when you said it, but now I’m thankful you did… You changed me, Ethan Gregory, and in a good way.”
He rolls his eyes, but then leans in and kisses my cheek. “I love you.”
I smile. “I love you, too.”
“Do you feel like you’re about to watch something you created?” I remark, resting my head on his shoulder as I watch Micha and the minister talking to each other. “I mean, if it wasn’t for us encouraging them to be together, they probably wouldn’t be here.”
He tips his head down and rests his cheek on my head. “I think you’re right. We are pretty amazing together.”
I shut my eyes, breathing in his words. Together. He’s said it so much, yet each time it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. “We really are.”
I’m enjoying the moment, basking in Ethan’s scent, the feel of him next to me, and how he makes me feel so complete inside instead of empty. I’m not even that jealous that Ella is going to be getting married in just a few minutes, if she’d just get her damn ass down here. In fact, I’m happy for her.
I’m seriously considering keeping my eyes shut forever and staying in the moment as long as possible, but the sound of Ethan’s voice causes me to open my eyes.
“Where are you going, man?” he says as Micha heads off toward the turnout area where the taxi dropped us off.
He shakes his head, holding up his phone. “Ella just called, but the reception here sucks and dropped my call.” He doesn’t seem worried or anything but all I keep thinking about is how worried Ella looked when I left her at the house.
We wait around for a while, and the minister’s starting to look worried, too.
“What if something’s wrong?” I ask, glancing back in the direction of where the turnout area is.
“I’m sure it’ll be okay,” he says with a shrug, but there’s a hint of doubt in his tone. We’ve both seen so much happen between the two of them—and with our own lives—that we know better than to think everything will always work out.
“Hey, quit worrying,” Ethan says, hooking his finger underneath my chin and forcing me to look at him. “It’ll all work out.”
“How do you know that, though? I mean, what if it doesn’t?”
“It will,” he insists, gazing out at the ocean. “Now would you relax?”
“I’m trying.” I sigh, fidgeting with my hair.
The sunlight reflects in his eyes as he contemplates something deeply. “You know what? I have an idea that will get you to calm down.” He steps toward the cliff, grabbing my arm and hauling me with him. “I say we jump, like how Ella and Micha did right before she moved the ring.”
I blink at him, stunned. “They jumped off a cliff right before they officially got engaged. Who told you that?”
He shrugs. “Micha did.”
I sigh, wishing Ella would have told me herself. “Well, there’s no way I’m doing it.”
Ethan grins at me as he reaches into his pockets, takes out his wallet and cell phone, and tosses it on the ground. “Why not?”
I warily glance over the cliff, watching the waves crash against the rocky shore. “Because it looks dangerous and I could drown.”
“I would never let you drown,” he says earnestly. “I’d never let anything happen to you.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” I say and I mean it. Whether he’ll admit it or not, he saved me, not just from the drugs but from myself. I place my hand in his, trusting him, and we inch toward the edge. “We’ll be wet for the wedding,” I say. “What if Ella gets mad?”
He rolls his eyes. “I doubt Ella’s going to get mad at you for being soaking wet at her wedding. In fact, she’ll probably love you for doing something as dangerous as cliff jumping.”
He’s right. She probably will, so I nod and clutch on to his hand. Neither of us counts off, yet somehow we manage to jump at the same time, like we’re in tune with each other’s thoughts. When we land, he still has my hand and we swim to the top together. We burst through the surface and I gasp for air, looking back up at the cliff.
“God, I can’t believe I just did that,” I say, raising my hands above my head, my body dripping with water. I feel so liberated.
“Feels good to be bad.” He grins and winks at me. Water drips down his hair and his face, pooling on his eyelashes. He moves his arms, paddling to keep himself afloat as waves lull against the rocks.
“It kind of does.” I swim after him, then float just in front of him when he stops moving.
He smiles at me. “So what’s next on your bad-girl list? We have you out of those stuffy clothes, you cut your hair, and we’ve got you looking for a job.”
I consider what he said as the water laps against my body. “How about a road trip?”
His expression is blank as he stares at me, the water hitting against his back. “You think you can handle that?”
I shrug. “If you think you can handle being with me like that.”
He’s emotionless for only a moment, but then lets a grin emerge from his lips. “I can handle that and more.” He grabs my waist and drags me to him, crashing our lips together as powerfully as the waves hitting the sand.
I kiss him back, only pulling away for a moment to whisper, “Okay, then, it’s a deal.”
I return my lips to his and kiss him while the sun lowers in the sky, casting rays of pink and orange across the sky. The moment is perfect, even to a girl who never really believed in perfection, but who kind of does now. Ethan is perfection in a strange sort of way, if I really look at it, because he’s real with me and I love him. He’s not artificial and not what I’m supposed to have. In fact, if my mother were here, she’d tell me a thousand reasons why he’s wrong for me, from the fact that he had tattoos to the fact that he’s poor. He’s the opposite of everything I was, but not what I am now, and that’s all that matters.
He’s what I want. What I need. He’s the only guy who’s ever made me worthy of love. He changed me in the best way possible and showed me that it was okay to love someone. That not everyone out there will break and crush my heart. And the best part of all, the thing that I will forever love him for, is that he showed me that I was worth loving.