She arches a perfectly plucked eyebrow at me. "Wouldn't I? He's already turned his back on our family, why wouldn't I do the same thing?
I suck in my breath. How could the woman that birthed such a wonderful man as Ryan do this to him? Having had the most loving and wonderful mother in the world, it's just beyond my comprehension.
I bite at my lip and glance out the window at the darkened street. It was only ten short days ago that Ryan walked into my life...right here in this very diner. And now, I am being asked to make a decision to give it all up. I've sadly come full circle.
Mrs. Burnham leans across the table. "Look...I can see you're a nice enough girl. But you could be his downfall. If he gets convicted, he can kiss a hockey career goodbye. Without my support in getting these charges dropped, Ryan could end up in prison. Do you want that to be on your head?"
My shoulders slump in defeat. What she is offering is the only sure way to get Ryan out of trouble. Trouble he would not have been in had he never even met me.
Celia leans forward and her look is coldly masterful. "Let me also make this clear. If you see Ryan or talk to him after the charges are dropped, I will personally see to it that he doesn't get into the NHL. My husband has enough contacts that can kill any chances of him having this hockey career that he so very much desires."
This woman is a monster but I do nothing more than give a small nod of my head in agreement to her demands.
"Excellent. I expect you to break things off with him immediately."
She stands from the booth and Emily crawls out behind her. I keep my eyes down on the Formica table until they leave. Then I let the tears flow.
***
Ryan is due at my apartment any minute and I'm trying to compose myself in a way that will make this breakup believable. I've asked Paula to make herself scarce tonight. She wants to know what is going on and I tell her I'll fill her in later. I'm sure her shoulders will be soggy by the time she gets me under control.
There's a knock at my door and my heart feels shredded already. I probably have less than five minutes left of having Ryan in my life. This is the same pain I felt when I lost my mother and I never thought I would feel this way again.
I open the door and Ryan steps in. He wraps his arms around me and buries his nose in my hair. I cling to him tightly for a moment and then step away. Staying in his arms any longer could be disastrous for what I need to do.
Ryan starts jabbering about practice but I'm only catching about every fourth word. I'm too preoccupied with how to launch into my speech.
"Are you okay, Danny? Have you heard a word I've said?"
He's looking at me with a soft smile on his face and his head is angled in curiosity.
"I'm sorry. What did you say?"
"I said the school is letting me stay on the team until we have resolution on the criminal charges. Even better, the entire team voted to have me remain as Captain. They're really rallying around us."
He takes me in his arms again and kisses me. His enthusiasm is infectious and I let it sweep me away for a few minutes. I want to have more memories of him so I will take these kisses as payment for the evil job I'm getting ready to do.
My body is eagerly responding to Ryan and I know if I don't back away, we are going to end up in bed together. And I most certainly cannot let that happen. There's no way I'll survive a goodbye fuck with the man I love.
I step back from Ryan and walk over to the couch.
"Ry...can we talk for a few minutes?"
I'm wringing my hands as I take a seat and the look on Ryan's face is cautious. He sits beside me and leans back, placing one arm on the back of the couch. I turn sideways so I can look him in the face.
I owe it to him to look him in the face when I break his heart.
Ryan skims my hair with gentle fingertips and tucks it behind my ear. I relish his touch. "What's wrong, baby? You're starting to worry me."
I reach out and grasp his hand and squeeze it tightly in mine. The tears pool in my eyes and I take a steadying breath.
"Ryan...I can't see you anymore." I look at him and I can tell he doesn't comprehend. "I can't be with you anymore. I want to break up."
Ryan pushes forward on the couch and frames my face with his hands so I'm focused on him. "Tell me this is a joke."
I shake my head, lowering my eyes. I can't stand the sorrow on his face. "It's not."
"Why?" he demands.
I start crying in earnest. How do I say words that aren't true but are guaranteed to slice deeply into his heart?
"I can't handle any of this..." I say vaguely.
"You'll have to be more specific, Danny," he grits out.
Ryan's face is awash in anger and disbelief. My stomach is rolling and my head is pounding. He's going to make me irrevocably hurt him.
I stand up and straighten my spine. I dash my tears away and look at him with as much disgust as I can muster. "You bring too much misery and chaos to my life, Ryan. Your parents hate me. Your friends think I'm a whore."
"But we've talked about this. We're handling those things together. I don't believe those things are driving you away from me."
I have to make the final push so he believes me. My soul dies over my next words. "For God's sake, Ryan...I almost got raped because of some pissing contest you had with your teammate. It's your fault."
Ryan's face blanches and so much pain fills his eyes that I think I might vomit. He's so wounded right now and I am the one that did this to him. My heart shrivels and dies. I'll never be able to forgive myself.
Ryan looks down at the carpet, confusion on his face. Then he looks back up at me.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I didn't mean to cause you any pain."
Oh my God. I'm getting ready to lose it in front of him and I need him to leave before I break down and confess his mother's wicked plot. I reach on the other side of the couch and pull out my violin case. I walk to the door and open it. "Please leave, Ryan and don't contact me again."
I'm looking at the floor, trying to stop the flood of tears I can feel coming. Ryan walks up to me and I can feel him staring at me hard. I hold the case out. "Take the violin. I don't want it."
He doesn't say anything for a minute and I refuse to look at him. Finally, he says, "It was a gift to you, Danny. Throw it away if you don't want it."
Then he steps out the door and out of my life.
I softly close the door behind him and then sink to the floor, weeping for the torment I caused him.
CHAPTER 17
Ryan
I'm driving to my parents' home in Beacon Hill. My father is still in Washington, D.C. but my mother invited me to lunch. I am furious with her. I cannot prove it but I just know that she is behind Danny's sudden break up with me.
At first, when I left Danny's apartment, I was shell shocked. Everything that made me happy had suddenly been stripped from me. I was mad at Danny for all of about two minutes, but while I was driving back home, it struck me. Danny didn't have it in her to break up like that. On top of that, I know without a doubt that Danny loves me. It would take something monumentally sinister to get her to do that. And the most monumentally sinister thing I knew was my mother.
I've tried calling Danny several times. She won't answer the phone or return my messages. I've called Paula but she is vague and non-committal. She says she'll pass my messages on but I have no clue if she is really doing it. I've even staked out Helping Hands Ministry and Sally's, hoping to catch her so we can talk. She's avoiding me like the plague.
Now it's been two weeks since Danny booted me out of her life and I want answers. The formal criminal charges against me were dropped. My attorney worked a deal out with Malone's attorney. He may get a nominal part of my trust fund, but it's worth it not to have that shit hanging over my head. This news should make me deliriously happy but it tastes cold and bitter. None of it matters if Danny is not in my life.
I pull into the driveway and take a few meditative breaths.
I'm going to need all the help I can get dealing with my mother.
Walking into the house, I hear voices coming from the back sunroom. I walk in and immediately spot Angeline sitting next to my mother. They stop talking when they see me and in the next instant, Angeline runs to me, throwing herself against my body.
"I've missed you so much, Ryan."
My arms remain at my side and I clench and unclench my fists in an effort to remain calm. When Angeline doesn't take the hint that I'm not returning her embrace, I peel her off of my body and step away from her.
"What are you doing here, Angeline?" My voice is cold and flat.
The smile drops from her face and she looks at my mother for help.
"I just assumed you'd be happy to see me now that you've broken up with that..." Angeline trails off when she sees the murderous look on my face.
"I invited her to lunch with us, Ryan," my mother interrupts. "Now stop being so rude."
I turn to Angeline. "You need to leave. And please accept my word when I tell you that I am not interested in you anymore nor will I ever be."
"Ryan!" my mother admonishes me.
Angeline doesn't move and she's looking back and forth between the two of us.