I so don't want to like him but I do. And now I don't know what to do with it.
Ryan pulls over and parks on the street outside of my building. I start to open the door but he lays his hand on my arm, stopping me. I turn to look at him and I've immediately lost the war that was brewing in my head mere seconds ago. He lifts a hand up and smooths it over and past the hair at my temple until he is cupping the back of my head. He doesn't make a move but just holds me by the head, looking at me. I nervously wet my lips which immediately draws his attention there. He brings his other hand up and gently traces my bottom lip with his thumb.
"Do you think this is a good idea?" I whisper. I want him to say yes. I want him to say no.
Ryan drags his gaze up from my lips and looks at me. "I don't know. I can be all kinds of fucked in the head sometimes."
Is he warning me off? Should I listen?
"Who isn't fucked in the head these days?" I ask.
"Indeed," he murmurs as he bends his head toward mine.
Our lips meet softly...nothing more than a whisper against each other. Moving to my cheek with his other hand, Ryan holds both sides of my head and presses into me. His tongue slides gently into my mouth and at the first contact, a groan bubbles up from my chest. My hands involuntarily fist in his shirt and I attempt to get even closer to him. I am being swallowed by his kiss and it's all I can do to hang on.
Ryan pulls slightly away and I make a whimper of dismay. But he only moves his mouth to the corner of mine, placing soft kisses from there along my jaw. With a slight tug of his hand on my ponytail, my head tilts to the side and he blazes a path down my throat. His lips are soft and warm and when he hits my collarbone, I'm completely enslaved. If he told me to take off all my clothes right there, I probably would have. Instead, he pulls away from me and lays his forehead against mine. His breathing is as heavy as mine and I now understand how car windows become fogged.
"Come on. Let me walk you to your door."
Ryan opens my car door for me and takes my hand. We walk together to my apartment door and I'm looking for my keys in my purse, all of a sudden nervous. A minute ago I was ready to jump in bed with Ryan, but now, in the harsh fluorescent light of the hallway outside of my apartment, I'm faced with the uncertainty of a relationship with a man who is so different than me.
Putting his finger under my chin, Ryan tilts my head up to his and says, "Don't."
He knows I'm doubting this and that tells me a lot about how perceptive he is. Before I can respond he pulls me to him and kisses me...hard. And every thought flies out of my head.
My hands snake up his chest and wrap around his neck before slipping into his hair. It's as soft and silky as I had been trying hard not imagine. Our tongues are swirling...stabbing...and then my teeth grab his bottom lip and bite. He answers me with a guttural sound that vibrates from his mouth into mine.
Without breaking our hold on each other, Ryan pushes me one step backward until my back is pressed into my door. His hands graze down my sides until they reach my hips. His fingers dig in, pulling me tight against him and I can feel his hardness. I am drowning in Ryan, or maybe he's downing in me by the sounds of his ragged breathing, I do not know. I just know I have never been kissed like this before and something warm is unfurling in my chest in response to this passion.
Ryan finally pulls away slightly, breathing hard against my mouth. "Jesus, Danny."
I don't think Jesus has anything to do with the explosion that just happened between us but if He did, I'm heading to church this weekend to thank Him.
"I better go," Ryan says against my mouth, his lips still pressed lightly to mine.
I nod my head shakily and can't even form a word. I think he blew a gasket in me or something.
Pulling back, Ryan reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. "What's your number?"
I give it to him and he types it into his phone. My phone immediately starts ringing and I look down. He's called me and I grin.
"So, now you have my number too," he says.
CHAPTER 5
Ryan
The alarm blares at 6:30 a.m. and I slap it off. I wake up with a smile on my face as I had an amazing dream about Danny, the dirty details I will not disclose.
I think back to our kiss last night. Never before had a kiss turned me on like that. I was close to begging Danny to let me bury myself in her. But at the same time, I didn't want to go further. I wanted to savor it all. And this morning...I realize I want to drag it out. The way she stroked my hand last night, in comfort of me, after all she has been through...words can't describe. I want to take my time with this girl because she is so different than anyone I have ever been around.
Rolling out of bed, I see Mike is still asleep. I pick up a pillow and throw it at him.
"Get up, Petunia. We have to be at practice in half an hour."
Mike groans and slowly sits up. His blond hair is sticking up all over the place. "How can you be so chipper this early in the morning?"
"Just excited to get on the ice."
"Why do you have a dopey grin on your face?"
He's trying to get a rise out of me but I don't respond. "I'll see you there. I'm going to grab something to eat first."
"Hold up, man."
I pause and look at him.
"So, how was your date last night?"
"It was fine...nice. Do you want me to wait for you?"
"Yeah, I'm getting up." Mike swings his long legs out of bed, stands and stretches. I pull out my iPhone while Mike gets dressed and think about sending Danny a text. Should I make it short and flirty? Or should I send a more romantic text. Oh my God...I'm turning into a putz, but then I smile and roll with it. Just as I'm ready to type, Mike gives me a punch in the shoulder.
"I'm ready."
I put the phone in my pocket and pick up my gear bag. I'll text her after practice.
***
I'm sitting in the locker room, getting ready for practice. I've got my Under Armour, jock shorts and shin pads on. As I'm pulling on my hockey socks and securing them to the Velcro tabs on my shorts, Mike walks over and sits down on the bench beside me.
"Alright...I can't stand it. Spill."
I don't look at him. "Spill what?"
"Don't be an ass. Just tell me how the date went. Usually you're willing to tell me everything but you are keeping this one close to the vest. I figure that means it went really, really well or really, really bad." He stands up and moves in front of me. He pounds his fist into his chest. "I'm here for ya, man. Whichever way it went."
I chuckle at him. "Okay...fine. If you must know, it went really, really well."
Mike sits down again, crossing one leg over the other in feminine fashion. He puts his hands on his knees, gazing intently at me. "Do tell."
I snicker and throw a roll of tape at him. I stand up and pull my pants on. "I don't really know what to say. She's amazing."
"Whose amazing?" This from Carter who walks up behind me.
"No one," I say at the same time Mike says, "His date from last night."
I groan. I so don't need Carter in on this conversation. I love the guy but he has a big mouth.
"What date? Where have I been?"
Mike pipes up. "He went out with that smokin' hot waitress from Sally's."
I sit down to put my skates on, pulling the laces tight.
"Dude," Carter says. "You said you didn't want to hit that." His voice sounds accusatory and I remember back to that night. Carter acted like he might try to ask her out.
"I'm not 'hitting that', Carter. We went out on a date."
"But you said she was amazing. If you didn't bang her, what was so amazing?"
I grab the tape off the floor and start wrapping my shin pads. "Carter, you are such a Neanderthal. Not everything is about screwing."
"Yes, it is," Carter replies matter-of-factly. "I mean, what could have been more amazing last night than screwing?"
Carter is genuinely curious I can
tell and it's sort of endearing. He may be a player right now but I bet one day, Carter is going to fall hard.
"You guys are like pit bulls. If you must know, I went with her to a homeless shelter and we did some volunteer work in the kitchen. Then we went and grabbed a couple of beers."
Carter is looking at me as if I just sprouted antlers out of my head. "No, seriously...what did you really do?"
I just shook my head and picked up my shoulder pads, strapping them into place. "Forget it, Carter. I just don't think you'd understand."
He is literally scratching his head in consternation as he walks away. I turn to look at Mike. "Was my date last night really that weird?"
Mike stands up and slaps me on the shoulder. "Yup. It was weird. But it was also amazing, and that's all that matters. I'm happy for you, man."