My eyes lift to his. "I'd rather not talk about it."
He just cocks a perfect eyebrow at me. "After what we shared last night... this morning? Come on, indulge me, Renner. I almost shanked the guy for you last night."
I had forgotten about that. "You wouldn't have."
His eyes go hard. "I would have... if he didn't get his hands off of you by the count of three."
Something about the possessive tone of his voice causes me to shiver and I don't doubt that Cillian would have rained some violence down on Cormac last night if he hadn't let me go.
"You're something else, you know that?"
"I take that as a compliment. So, what's the deal with him?"
I'm not sure why I'm trusting Cillian with this information, because it still embarrasses me greatly, but something clearly has changed between us. I know this is nothing more than just some damn hot sex, but I don't feel like Cillian would judge me harshly.
"So, I had this ideal man. Silly really, but it's what I always wanted. I wanted a nice, stable man. I wanted the house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, a dog, and kids. I thought that was Cormac. We worked together and had dated seriously for about six months. He's a pilot with Delta and I was a flight attendant. I thought we'd get married one day. Turns out... he was already married."
"Ah... he was a cheatin' man."
I snort over those simple words. "He was so much more than that." I don't say anymore, the shame starting to overwhelm me.
"Tell me, Renner." Cillian's words are so soft, I can barely hear them. His eyes are filled with sympathy because he knows that whatever I'm getting ready to tell him, is rough for me. For added measure, he reaches across the table and takes my hand. He soothes the back of my hand with his thumb, and I keep my eyes fixed on the heavy, silver Celtic ring he wears on it.
"His wife found out when I sent him a suggestive text. She apparently confronted him and he denied we had a relationship. Which, if that's all it was, would be understandable. But... to prove to her that I was nothing to him, he actually accused me of sexual harassment at work and I lost my job."
"What the fuck? I definitely should have cut that mother-fucker when I had the chance to."
I smile sadly and then pour the entire story out to Cillian. I don't leave anything out, even admitting that I'm basically hiding out here in Ireland because I'm too ashamed to go home and I really don't even know what to do with my life right now.
He stands from the table, pulling me up with him. Then he surprises me when he wraps his arms around me in the most gentle of hugs. "He's a coward, Renner. Plain and simple. He never deserved one minute of the attention he got from you."
I squeeze his waist. "I think my character-o-meter is broken."
He leans back and looks at me. "You're what?"
"My character-o-meter. You know--that thing by which I judge a man's character. I thought he was everything I was looking for."
Cillian laughs. "And what did that character--whatever you call it--say about me?"
"Well, it definitely misled me. I had no idea you could be this sweet."
Cillian shakes his head with mock sympathy. "It's definitely broken, darlin'. I'm just horny and want in your pants, so I'll say whatever I need to get there."
I throw my head back and burst out laughing. When I pull it back up and look at him, his head is tilted to the side and his eyes are curiously watching me.
"What?" I say as I self-consciously smooth my hair.
He grabs my hand from my head and turns it over to kiss my wrist. "Nothing. You're just stunning when you laugh, that's all."
I know I shouldn't let those words affect me but I have no control over the way my heart trips over those endearments. For the first time, I start to wonder if this can really just be sex for me. Particularly when his words affect me so much.
Releasing me, Cillian steps back and pulls his phone out. He dials a number and watches me while it rings. Someone answers and without taking his eyes off me, he says, "Keefe... it's Cillian. Listen... I'd like to take Renner out to Marlay Park today and was wondering if you could get someone to cover her shift."
I jolt toward him, hissing, "Stop. What are you doing?"
He steps away from me, a sly grin on his face, keeping himself and the phone just out of my reach. "Yeah. I agree. She needs to have some fun. Okay? Thanks. Cheers."
Cillian disconnects and shoves the phone in his pocket.
"What did you do that for?" I ask, angry that he would just assume I could get the time off.
"I did it because I want to spend more time with you, and I don't want to relinquish you up to The Hibernian tonight."
"You can't just go making decisions like that for me. I have responsibilities, you know."
"Quit grumbling, Ren. It's done and you're going to thank me over and over again I did that."
I cross my arms over my chest and glare at him. "Now why would I do that?"
"First, you're going to thank me because I'm getting ready to take you to an Irish music festival and you're going to have a ton of fun with me listening to some great bands."
"And why else would I be thankful?"
He steps into me, grabbing my chin with his hand. Bringing his lips close to mine, he murmurs, "Because after, I'm going to bring you back to my flat and I'm going to make you come over and over again tonight."
Oh, shit. My entire body floods with lust at the thought, and just like that... I want to capitulate. The thought of him doing whatever he wants to my body is a turn on. But something about this bothers me.
I can't have him dictating everything to me. I've certainly given in to my baser desires where he is concerned, and I know that Cillian likes to be in control, but when it boils right down to it, I don't want someone controlling me because he can.
I step away from him, pulling my phone out. I dial Uncle Keefe and when he answers, I tersely say, "Uncle Keefe. Don't switch my shift. I'll be in at the regular time tonight."
I hang up without saying goodbye and giving him a chance to talk me out of it, because by the part of the conversation I had just heard between him and Cillian, he was all in favor of me going out.
"Why'd you do that?" Cilli
an's voice is low, disbelieving, and a bit hard.
"Because... you don't control me or my life. If that's what you're looking for, let me off this crazy train right now."
He levels me with a stare that would make some women cry, but I hold firm. Then his eyes soften and he sighs. "Fine. At least come listen to some music at the park and I'll have you to The Hibernian in time for your shift."
"Okay," I tell him with a tentative smile. "See, that's not so bad, is it?"
"I fucking hate it, but I guess I'll live with it."
To ease his pain, I step in and kiss him, lightly my running tongue over his lip rings. The kiss deepens quickly but then, all too soon, he's pulling back.
"Come on," he says, smiling at me. "Let's get out of here before I'm tempted to bend you over that table."
There...now that is how he can still control me. My body would probably do anything he asked of it... and he knows it.
CHAPTER 14
Cillian
It's been five days since I first fucked Renner and I still can't get enough of her. I don't eat dinner and work in The Hibernian anymore, because that was just so I could have the opportunity to stalk her and get her to relent to me. Now that's she done that, I don't have to sit at that uncomfortable table all night, hoping that I can have a few scraps of time with her.
But it doesn't stop me from heading there each night, waiting outside for when she gets off. We walk home, making small talk, holding hands. But the minute we get inside her apartment, it's always a race to see how fast we can get our clothes off. One night, just as I'd imagined would happen, we dropped right there to the floor, so eager to be wrapped up in each other.
Every time seems to be better.
Last night, though, I'm not sure it can be topped. I met her outside of the pub, with a brown paper bag in my hand.
She eyed it curiously. "Is that a surprise for me?"
"Sort of. It's a box of condoms. Surprise!"
She started laughing, taking the bag from me, and peeking inside. When she confirmed the contents were nothing more than a box of rubbers, she handed it back to me. "Seems like I've become a bit of a sure bet with you, huh?"
Fuck... the fact that she so easily joked around with me had something clawing on the inside of my chest. I've never had such an easy time talking to a woman. I've never been so delighted by one... inside and outside of the bed.