Off Course (Off 4)

That was an empty threat, because she didn't have a leg to stand on, but at the end of the three hours I was sick and tired of dealing with it. I finally told her I would give her one chance, and if she fucked up again, it was either rehab or she had to leave OTE.

She gladly accepted my ultimatum and sounded positive that she could do it. But in my heart of hearts, I knew the chances were not good, given what Dr. Madden said.

Pulling my phone out, I make a quick call to Sean and fill him in on what's going on. He said he'd call Daniel and let him know.

There's only one thing left that I want to do today, and I head out the door to see Renner.

CHAPTER 15

Renner

I'm pacing my apartment, sick with worry and dread.

When I saw Maeve standing there, I immediately recognized her as the woman that had been hanging on him that first night in The Hibernian when I had helped Maureen bring the beers in. I had thought her a groupie and never gave her a second thought.

But I'm thinking about her now, and the way she had stared at me malevolently when we had come off the elevators. The woman hated me, on sight... of that I have no doubt.

The things she said to Cillian... they smacked of jealousy. She had been angry that he had not been at home last night and she was angry I walked off that elevator with him. I have to wonder what gives her the right to feel that way. The only answer that comes to mind is that she and Cillian have something going on. Which immediately makes me think that Cillian was fucking around with me behind Maeve's back, while she was off stuck in rehab.

But no... that just doesn't seem Cillian's style. I mean, in hindsight, after I found out Cormac was married, I could totally see him doing something like that. Because I came to recognize his grandiose and narcissistic qualities.

Cillian's not like that. Oh, he's arrogant and has an ego the size of Texas, but he's also confident enough in himself that he would be up front about it. He's say it right to my face..."Renner, I want to fuck you, but I'm fucking someone else too."

I have to give Cillian the benefit of the doubt right now, or until he proves to me otherwise.

The trail I'm wearing in my carpet is given a break when there's a knock on my door. Running over to it, I throw it open, knowing that Cillian's on the other side. I know this because the only other person that comes to my apartment unannounced is Cady and she'd just let herself in with her key.

He looks stressed, lines of strain showing on his face. I don't know what to expect of him so I just stand aside so he can enter.

When he reaches the middle of my living room, he turns toward me. "I'm really sorry you had to see that."

"I'm not exactly sure what I just saw. Want to enlighten me?"

He takes a seat on my couch and pats the cushion next to him. I sit down and turn to face him.

"Maeve decided to leave rehab. She's been upset because a few times she's tried to call me at home--at night--I haven't been there to answer."

I try to select my words carefully, hoping not to give away my angst over this situation. "And why would she care about that?"

Cillian rubs his face and sighs. "She shouldn't. It's none of her business where I am."

"So... you and she... I mean are you two...?"

His eyes widen in surprise. "Fuck no! There's nothing going on between us..."

"But...?"

"But there used to be something... a while back. But it's been over for a long time."

"If it's over, why is she so angry over what you do in your personal life?"

"We have a history... we played music together. We found major success together. There's a bond there."

"There's more than that," I prompt.

He nods his head. "About a year ago... we were both drinking heavily and one thing led to another. And well, you can figure it out. We were together that way for a while, but it fizzled for me. I thought it fizzled for her too because I caught her with someone else, and ended it officially. But... lately she's been... I don't know... wanting to get back together or something."

"Did you encourage her?" It's a fair question.

"No," he says sadly. "But I didn't discourage it either. It was easier not to fight. But I haven't been with her intimately since I broke it off. It's not like that. It's just... she likes to be a little touchy-feely with me, and... I sort of just put up with it. It's never interfered with my..."

His face actually goes red.

"With your sexual escapades?"

Cillian looks at me with resolve. "Yes... it's never interfered with my ability to fuck another woman. But don't even think that I consider you an escapade. It's more with you."

I want to explore that statement. I want to know what he means when he says I'm "more". But now is not the time.

"But the problem remains... she doesn't seem to be over it."

Cillian sinks into the couch and lays his head back, staring at my ceiling. "I don't know what she is, and I'm not sure I know how to handle this. I apparently fucked up and caused her to leave rehab."

"That's a bit unfair to yourself, don't you think? You can't be responsible for her actions."

"Yet it was my action... or rather inaction... that caused her to leave."

"No, Cillian. That was her choice and hers alone. It's not your responsibility to keep her there."

"No? I promised I'd support her and clearly I wasn't doing a very good job."

Standing from the couch, I look down at Cillian. He brings his gaze from the ceiling to me, and I so want to get lost in his dark eyes, but that would be foolish of me right now. Things have just gotten really complicated.

"Look... maybe I need to step out of the picture and let you concentrate on helping Maeve with... well, whatever it is she needs." I have no clue what that is, because frankly, I don't understand what her problem is. Is she just obsessive? Does she have a drinking problem? Or is she mental in some way? Possibly all three?

I'm startled when Cillian lunges from the couch, his hands coming to my shoulders. He puts his face in close to mine. "That's not even a fucking option, Renner. I may not know how to handle this just yet, but I'll figure it out."

"Yeah, but, don't you think--"

My words are cut off as Cillian's mouth covers mine. He's purposely shutting me up and as is usually the case

when Cillian touches me, rational thought flees my mind. He moves the kiss deeper, wrapping his arms around me. His tongue is invasive and possessing. He's reminding me that his needs are simple, and he's reminding me that mine are as well.

Gathering my last reserve of strength, I pull my lips away. "Cillian... think about this a minute..."

His hands come up to frame my face. "No. No thinking. Just feeling right now."

Then he's kissing me again, softer and sweeter. It's devoid of the raw lust that usually runs through us. Which is the worst possible thing he could do to me right now because soft and sweet from Cillian is too desirable to refuse.

I decide to worry about these problems later because I don't want to miss out on what he's offering me. I may not see this again.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I surrender to him. He doesn't waste time... picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom.

Gone is the usual whipping off clothes. Instead, Cillian lays me on the bed and crawls on top of me, fully dressed. Settling his weight between my legs, he proceeds to kiss me more. Long, slow, lazy kisses. He's showing me that he has all the time in the world, and that this is something he wants to savor.

He's rock hard between my legs but he doesn't even grind against me. It's as if he just wants to enjoy my mouth, and only my mouth.

But it makes me restless. While the sweetness of his actions are causing my heart to beat overtime, it's not enough. I want more of him. I want the wild and domineering Cillian too.

"You're driving me crazy," I tell him when he lifts his lips briefly.

He smiles down at me. "Oh yeah? Why is that?"

"Because... I'm used to you handling me with the force of a hurricane. This gentle, summer storm you're giving me right now is a bit disconcerting."

Cillian trails a fingertip down my throat, his gaze following. "What did I tell you? No thinking... just feel."

He kisses me again and I do as he asks. His moves are tender but still passionate. Finally, his hands move and they start gently stroking me, in places that he's never paid that much attention to before.

The underside of my arm. My collarbone. The outside of my thigh. He even nuzzles under my jaw before kissing me softly there. I do what he asks and let myself just feel.

Our clothes seem to melt away, in between the slow make-out session we have. Our hands seek each other in more intimate places, causing soft gasps and sharply drawn breaths. He leaves me for just a second, to grab a condom.