I'll give her what she needs, which means she gives me what I desire so fucking much right now.
My hand reaches out... grips the hair at the back of her head.
I push her face down into my lap, showing her how much I believe in her strength.
Chapter 14
Now this is making love.
It's the first time I've ever truly believed in that term.
The slow glide of my flesh against hers... pressing deep... rocking her toward a climax. The depth of my feelings for this woman threatening to blow me apart at any moment. This right here is the start of a new life for Macy and me.
My hands find hers, and we clasp tight. I kiss her gently while I continue to just rock gently against her body. She moans and writhes, as swept away as I am in these sensations. She doesn't beg me for harder or faster, which tells me Macy knows this is different too. And she's accepting of that difference.
Muscles tensing. Her body quivering. She shatters, and then trembles all around me.
And then three, two, one... I'm blowing apart with her, all of our pieces mixing and melding together. When we come down off the high, when the pieces come back together, it will be as one whole.
Yes... this is the start of a new life for both of us.
Macy curls into my side. I'm sitting up in bed, pillows propped up behind me. The only light in the room is from the lamp on my bedside table. My arm is around her, holding her tight while my fingers gently stroke her ribs.
I shouldn't be feeling this type of peace right now. So far this day, I found out the woman I love was molested by her uncle and forced to abort a child by her parents. I committed serious assault against one of the richest men in the world, and I fed on the pleasure of his pain. I let Macy tend to my wounds and suck my cock because she said she needed to show me her perseverance, and then she fed me tomato soup and grilled cheese. The evening is winding down, it's getting late, and I couldn't stop myself from having her one more time. I feasted on her for what seemed like hours, making her come over and over again with my mouth, and then I sealed my fate when I made love to her.
Yes... I'm feeling tremendous serenity right this moment, but I know it can't last.
I know we still have grave things to discuss.
"You said you'd tell me everything about what happened with Luke," I murmur, pleased she doesn't tense up against me at the mention of that evil bastard's name. "You ready to do that or do you want to get some sleep?"
"First tell me what you did to him," she says in soft command, her voice hungry to soak up the pain I inflicted on her tormentor.
"I beat the shit out of him right out in front of his apartment. I hit him over and over again, and baby... it felt so fucking good to do that."
I glance down, mostly seeing the top of Macy's head as she rests it on my chest just below my collarbone. But I see enough of the side of her face and the way her cheek plumps just a bit to know she's smiling.
"You could have been arrested," she says softly... censuring me.
"I told him to call the police," I tell her with renewed heat in my voice. "I called him a molester and dared him to bring the cops to his rescue."
"Cal," she chides. "Don't put yourself at risk for me."
"I'd do anything for you. I love you."
I don't expect the words back, but she answers me just the same. She presses into me tighter, wrapping her arm around my waist. She squeezes me, tilts her head, and kisses my chest.
I don't get the words but the actions are just fine for now.
I revel in her embrace.
"Luke was really the only one in my family that ever paid attention to me," she says... a prelude to her story, and even as gentle as her voice is, it seems like an ominous, dark cloud hovers above us. "Growing up, he'd always read me bedtime stories... took me places with him. My parents just always ignored me, but not Luke. I was special to him."
I turn slightly toward her so I can wrap my arm around her tightly. She turns her head more so her cheek is resting flat against my chest, and I rest my chin on top of her head, staring at my bedroom wall as she talks.
"When I was thirteen, I started realizing his touches were wrong. They felt shameful. I'm not even sure how it progressed to sex, but I can remember that first time. How bad it hurt... how humiliated I felt. I cried for hours afterward." Macy lifts her face and cranes her head back to meet my eyes. And she smiles encouragingly at me... because she knows this hurts me as well. "He told me it was our secret. That he was the only one who really loved me and this was how I could show him I loved him back."
I hold my tongue. I can't say any of the things I want to. Cursing that sick, motherfucking bastard... screaming it out to the world. I hold my tongue though because that would scare Macy. Instead, I squeeze... giving her reassurance. Filling her with my strength. Letting her know it's okay. One hand comes up behind her head and just before I encourage her to lie back against me, I give her a soft kiss.
"At first, I just let him do it. I was afraid and ashamed. He told me my parents wouldn't understand, and it was best no one know. But I hated it, Cal... so much. I started to fight him. I told him 'no,' but that wasn't acceptable to him. That's when he started getting rough with me. He also threatened me."
Macy's voice trails off a bit, and I use the opportunity to tell her, "You don't have to tell me all of this."
She tightens her embrace around me... her breath floating across my skin as she breathes out her memories. "Yes, I do. You need to know it all."
"Okay," I murmur my acceptance of her need to share. I'm thankful for her trust.
"Do you remember when we talked about unprotected sex in your office?"
"Yeah. You told me I was only the second man you had ever been with without a condom."
"Luke was the other," she murmurs. "He always pulled out, but we both know that's a terrible form of birth control. I was fifteen when I found out I was pregnant. I missed two periods, and so I bought a home pregnancy test."
"Did you tell Luke?"
"No," she says with a strong voice. She seems to be gaining more strength the further she goes along. Perhaps because I'm not running for the hills. Perhaps she really believes that I love her. "I went straight to my parents. I just... I just felt that's what I needed to do. But I told them the truth... that Luke got me pregnant. That he had been raping me for almost two years whenever he visited."
Her voice is so sad... so wistful.
"They didn't believe you, did they?" I know the answer though. I just know it.
She shakes her head. "They said they didn't believe me. Insisted I must have had sex with someone from my school. But deep down... I think they knew what was going on."
Disgust curdles within my stomach, more bile backing up.
"They told me I had to have an abortion. I argued against it. In hindsight... I have no clue if I should have kept the baby or not, but I know I needed more time to think about it. The minute I told my parents "no," they had the trip to Brussels booked within just a few days."
"I hate your parents, Macy," I say through clenched teeth. "They are despicable. Evil in fact."
"I fought, Cal," she says, her voice trembling with anger. "When I realized what was going on... I fucking fought them hard. They took me to Dr. Coppens' house... he brought me down to a surgical suite he had in his basement. When I saw the table and the instruments... I went nuts. I kicked Coppens hard, almost made it back to the stairs before my dad tried to restrain me. I clawed his face... he bled all over. My mom was in the background, telling me to calm down. And then... a sharp prick in my arm, Coppens' leering face over me, and I was out cold. I woke up, and I wasn't pregnant anymore."
"Oh, baby," I murmur as I hold her, slowly rocking her in my arms. "I'm so sorry. And you were so brave."
A quavering breath rushes out of Macy's lips, blows across my neck. I can feel her body go lax against me, and I realize she's just purged something that stood in between us. She got it out and is relieved of the burden. I'm surprised by her resilience as she lets me in on her dark secret, maybe expecting her to be more upset as she lays it out before me. But when I think about it... she's had years to live with this. Years to process. I'm getting my metaphorical nuts kicked over and over again by this information overload, but I take it on gladly for her.
"I'm done with them," she says as I continue to rock her. Her voice is defiant and steely. "I don't care what happens to them. My mom keeps calling. She's terrified of what will happen to her if her husband gets put away and I realize... I just don't care. I don't care if my father goes to prison, if he gets ass raped, rots in jail. I don't care if my mother becomes homeless. I just don't care, which means I'm done with them."
"Okay, Macy," I reassure her. Affirm her feelings. "You're done with them."
"That means I'm not telling the prosecutor what I know. I'm serious... I want to let this go... move past it. I don't give a shit about that apartment or my trust fund. I can make it on my own."
"Not on your own," I correct her. "You have me... and Mac and Matt."
Macy sighs gratefully, her true peace coming from having people that love her beyond measure. "I think you might be tying Mac now for my favorite person in the world."
That makes me smile... and want to do a victory dance.