I head into the bathroom, deciding on a quick shower before I get into some casual clothes. As soon as I walk in, I notice the red lipstick on my mirror, and my heart starts racing before I can even comprehend the message.
Macy was here.
She was here in my apartment.
She sought me out.
My eyes slide over the scrawled, red paste of her lipstick, and my heart starts a mad thump. Read it or don't, but it's yours. I'm at Hazentree waiting for you.
There's an arrow under the message pointing downward. At the base of the mirror, laying on the vanity, is her diary.
She fucking gave me her diary.
And she's at my parents' farm waiting for me. She went to my familial home... and she's waiting for me.
My hand starts shaking as I reach out to take the diary. The tie in my hand falls forgotten to the floor. The diary is nothing more than a leather-bound book with lined pages edged in gold foil. There's a silk ribbon sticking out from the top that can be used as a bookmark. Otherwise, it doesn't have any markings that would identify its owner.
I open the book and look at the first page. There's no foreword or even a hastily written "Property of Macy Carrington" inside. Just her very first diary entry, dated almost three years ago.
I don't read it, but I can't help but pick up a few words from just a quick scan.
Uncle. Lies. Desperate. Sex.
It's the story of Macy, but I already know it. What's written in this diary, however, is too personal for me to ever read, so the only thing I do is quickly flip to the last entry, because I suspect it's a message for me.
I'm not disappointed as I scan her very last entry.
Dear Cal,
I'm giving you my diary because I don't have need of it anymore. I don't need it anymore because I have you to talk to. You're the person I now want to share all my secrets with. I'm giving it to you because I want you to know that I trust you with my soul.
So, read it or not... it's yours to keep... just like me.
I went to see my parents and Luke a few days ago. Let's just say that you may have had a bit of an influence on me. Made me reevaluate my perspective on things.
I realized it was quite simple.
I could be happy, or not.
I choose happy.
Did you know that the heart beats 100,000 times per day? It's true. I saw it once on a poster in my doctor's office.
Do you know what that means?
If my heart beats 100,000 times a day, that means 100,000 times a day, it's thinking about you.
Love,
Macy
I glance up to the mirror, looking past the red lipstick words. The man staring back at me has fucking tears in his eyes and a stupid grin on his face.
I step out of the car, already mourning the loss of the air conditioning as the late summer afternoon engulfs me with humid air. My mom's inside the house and my dad is off at the farm supply store. I know this because I just got off the phone with my mom not too long ago. I wanted to know what Macy was doing there.
My mom told me Macy called and asked if she could come out for a visit, which of course, my mother said yes. Her voice got soft and gentle when she told me Macy told her everything... in a nutshell. I had to smile at that, because she's like a spring flower... opening up and stretching her petals to the sun of a new day.
I turn toward the orchard, because that's where Mom said Macy went to wait for me. It wasn't all that long ago when I walked this path to find her... my mind weighted with so many dark obsessions that I was sick to my stomach.
Now?
I feel free.
I feel happy.
I feel ready.
It takes me no time at all to walk one row deep into the orchard and find Macy walking among the trees, sometimes reaching a hand up to touch one of the apples on the low-hanging branches. They're on the verge of ripening... perhaps another month, which is why she doesn't pick one for a bite.
She hears me before she sees me, angling her gaze back over her shoulder. When she sees me, a sublime smile floats across her face and I see a combination of mischief and joy in her eyes.
"You've been a busy girl," I say as I walk toward her. My eyes roam over her body, and the long, flower-print dress looks perfect on a beautiful woman walking through an apple orchard. Her hair is bunched up on top of her head with a few stray pieces framing her face. The sun filters through the tree branches, casting dappled spots of light and shadow across her shoulders. Macy looks like she was born for the casual, country life in this moment, and I have a brief fantasy of us living in a place like this, raising children and being content with a more laidback lifestyle.
She takes a few steps toward me, and we meet just a foot away from each other. Her hands reach out to mine, and the minute I slip my fingers through hers, I feel complete.
"Talked to Dee today," I say with a little bit of chastisement in my voice. "Seems you managed to effectively seal the government's case for them. I believe they should pay you a bonus or something."
Macy drops her face down, what I think may be in shyness, but when she peeks up at me, I see a satisfied smile. She grins and says, "I managed to get closure on a lot of things the last few days."
I drop one hand, keeping her right hand locked with my left, and turn to start walking through the orchard. "Tell me all about it."
She gives a sigh... long and peaceful. "I had a dream the night we last saw each other. And it sort of made me realize that you were too important for me to let go. I realized I needed to fight for you. And that I could do that, and also confront my monsters at the same time."
"So you went to see your parents and Luke... told them you were going to press criminal charges against them if they didn't take the plea deal."
She nods and squeezes my hand. "Luke was so angry. My dad just looked beaten down, and my mom... well, she got a little hysterical at the prospect she could go to jail too."
"What did they say?"
"Not much," she says matter-of-factly. "I more used the opportunity to tell them what vile, disgusting people they were, and that after that moment, I truly was going to leave them firmly in my past. I told them they could do the right thing, make this go away, and avoid further charges, or it could get really nasty and that I was ready to take my story public."
"Were you?" I ask, because I want to know how much bluff my girl has in her.
"Yes. I was going to do it. But I didn't wait around to see what they'd do. Just told them they had twenty-four hours to reach out and iron out the plea arrangement, or else I was talking to the feds."
I let go of her hand, loop my arm around her shoulders, and pull her into my side as we walk. I even manage to tilt my head over and down to give her a kiss on top of her head. "You are pretty fucking amazing, you know that?"
She shrugs. "I'm pretty fucking messed up, but for the first time in my life... I feel like my actions are controlled by my prospective future rather than my past. Does that make sense?"
I stop walking... turn her toward me... pull her in so I can wrap both arms around her. She presses up against me, cheek to chest, arms around my back.
She fits absolutely perfectly. Like she's the final piece to the puzzle of my life.
"I'm proud of you." I squeeze her... rock us gently back and forth. "I'm in awe of you."
We stand like that... comfortable in silence and deep hugs, contemplating the possibilities before us. For me, they are infinite, but I can't imagine a single one without Macy in it.
"Did you read any of the diary?" she asks, still content to just stand wrapped up against me.
I look through the two rows of trees to my parents' house. A safe place that Macy embraced, further proof of her acceptance of me and mine. "I'm beyond honored you gave that to me. It means more than you know that you trust me with it. But I'm not going to read it. Just the last entry and that was good enough for me."