Her superiors were silent.
‘So I’m getting a warning?’ she asked, hoping for the best, her cheeks flaming hot enough to fry an egg.
‘Nadia, there was content of an explicit nature on those forums.’
They’d read them. No wonder her boss wasn’t looking at her. All those comments people had left on Ethan’s blog. And she knew what it meant—gross misconduct. Instant dismissal.
‘So you’re firing me?’ Her voice was thin, as if she couldn’t believe it.
But inside she could. She knew that that was exactly what they were about to do. But she couldn’t let it happen. She couldn’t lose her reputation—everything she’d worked so hard to achieve—the job at the company in the biggest city. Something no one in her family had done or ever believed she could do.
But even as she opened her mouth to argue, they forestalled her.
‘I’m sorry, Nadia. You know we have no choice.’
She did. She’d drafted the damn policy herself.
‘Nadia, how could you be so careless?’ Her line manager said once they’d got out into the corridor. ‘You know there’s zero tolerance—especially for…things of that nature.’
‘I know.’ Nadia wiped her clammy hands down the sides of her skirt. ‘It’s my own fault.’
But it wasn’t. It was his fault. All his fault. Ethan and his web war and his crass friends.
She left the building only an hour later. Took a cab with her pathetic little box of personal effects. She’d lasted less than six months. If she didn’t get another job she wouldn’t be able to pay her rent. Megan was going to move out soon anyway—Nadia just knew it. Megan and Sam were so together and so serious and so happy.
And what was Nadia doing? Screwing around with a jerk who didn’t give a damn about anything other than having a bit of fun. She and he weren’t together, they weren’t serious, and Nadia most certainly wasn’t happy. Her career was finished, and so was her fling.
She sent him a text.
Don’t bother meeting me at work. I’ve left early.
Her phone rang three seconds later.
‘Are you okay? Why have you left early?’ he asked the second she answered.
‘It wasn’t my choice,’ she snarled into the phone.
‘What?’
‘I’ve just been sacked.’
‘What?’
‘Gross misconduct. For accessing inappropriate material on the internet. Your blog.’
There was a silence. Then, ‘Where are you?’
‘Home. I don’t want to see you.’
But he’d already hung up.
Twenty minutes later he was pounding on her door and calling for her to let him in. She unlocked the door and glared at him. He pushed past her. She saw him glance at her box of belongings from Hammond.
‘Nadia …’ His tone was too warm—trying too hard to soothe.
And the thing was she did want soothing. Her anger dropped the second she saw him and she wanted a hug. She wanted him to tell her it didn’t matter, that it was all going to be okay. She wanted him to tell her he cared.
But she was terrified he wasn’t going to. ‘I don’t want to see you right now.’ She was hot, shaking, mortified that she wanted his support so badly and sure she wasn’t going to get it.
‘You’re blaming me?’ The soothing bit dropped from his voice.
‘Who else?’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ He faced her, and to her utter incredulity he was smiling. ‘How about yourself? ’
Her stupid eyes flooded with acid tears that burned and made them water all the more. She turned her back on him quickly to hide them.
‘Nadia—’
His hands settled on her shoulders and she quickly moved forward out of reach. ‘I hate you.’
‘You don’t hate me.’ She could still hear his smile. ‘You hate how much you want me.’
She gasped. So, what? It was only her wanting him that much? That was exactly what she’d been afraid of. ‘You’re the most arrogant prick I’ve ever met.’ Even if he was right.
‘Nadia.’ He walked towards her, his eyes hot enough to melt Antarctica.
She stood her ground and snarled, ‘You think you’ll make it all better with sex? You think that’ll make everything okay? Have a quick screw and then be gone? That’s your whole attitude, isn’t it?’ It was on that level that he saw everything and tried to fix everything.
And, yes, she wanted him, but she didn’t want just that from him. All the uncertainty and stress of the week compounded, multiplied, and made everything in her vision wobble like just-set jelly.
‘No.’ He stopped and sighed. ‘I just don’t think this is the calamity you think it is.’
‘Not the calamity—?’ Her jaw dropped. ‘It’s a catastrophe. You’ve messed up my life completely. I hope you’re satisfied.’
‘Nadia, be honest,’ he said drily. ‘You weren’t into that job anyway. You were only there to prove to everyone you could get a job at a firm like that—because you were dumb enough to think people didn’t think you were capable of it.’ The sensual invitation in his demeanour dropped, and suddenly he looked all serious. ‘The fact is your heart has never been in it. You resent the time you have to be there. You give it your best—because you’re incapable of giving anything less—but there are a million things you’d rather be doing. It’s just that you’re too chicken to do them. You’re scared of failing. That’s why you wouldn’t ever identity yourself on WomanBWarned. You’re a coward.’
She couldn’t believe he didn’t get how devastating this was. She couldn’t believe he didn’t acknowledge his own responsibility for this mess and its seriousness. She wanted him to feel the hurt she was feeling. She wanted him to be sorry and show her he cared for her in a way other than sexual. But he didn’t. Hell, she did need protection—from herself, for being as naïve as the kid people sometimes mistook her for. For hoping there was more to their relationship.
‘You’re calling me a coward?’ she yelled at him. ‘You—the guy who never takes any risks? You only ever sail in easy waters—avoiding real conflict by keeping any relationship on a sexual footing and never going any deeper.’ She snatched a breath and charged full scorn ahead. ‘You don’t date anyone long enough to get to know them. You don’t invest anything. Certainly you don’t build trust and talk to anyone. Then you skip on to find someone else, ensuring you’ve left things easy with the last lover. My website hit-rate matters to me, but it’s nothing on what you need from your followers in real life. You send flick-off flowers so those women are left half in love with you and wondering what the hell is wrong with them.’
‘Nothing’s wrong with them,’ he shouted back at her. ‘But I told you I don’t want complications or scenes.’
‘Or commitment.’ She said the one word he never had. ‘So you escape before it can arise. You hide behind superficial charm. You don’t want to care. You’re as bad as your dad.’
‘I’m not,’ he roared. ‘I don’t cheat—’
‘But you hurt people,’ she interrupted furiously. ‘You have.’ He was now.
‘You think I don’t know that?’ His voice rose even more. ‘You think I haven’t realised a few new things in this last week? Give me some credit, Nadia.’
‘Why? When you can’t even admit that I’m in a mess and that you’re partly responsible? When all you can offer is a quick frolic like that’s a Band-Aid to fix everything? Yes, I stuffed up—but so did you. And you still are.’
He lifted his hands, shaking them in frustration. ‘What do you want from me? I’m here, aren’t I? I’ve been here all week. Doesn’t that count for something?’
‘What have you been here for, Ethan?’ Panting, she fought back the weak tears as she challenged him. ‘What have you been here for?’
‘Well, what have you been taking?’ he sneered. ‘You can’t get enough of what I’ve been offering.’