Nurses hustled, and a few rooms were still lit.
Feet heavy, laden with fear, I made it to the end of the hall where two double doors led into the intensive care unit. There was a counter to check in. The visiting hours later in this area, though I didn’t think there was anyone stupid enough to try to stop me from getting through those doors.
The man fronting the counter pushed the button and the double doors automatically swung open. I moved inside, footsteps slowed while my heart raced the fastest that it ever had.
Hope and horror.
Hope and horror.
Two emotions shoved so close together inside me, I wasn’t sure I could differentiate one from the other.
My breaths came shorter and shorter as I took a turn down the hall to the right.
Like I was going against the current. Against the grain.
I could barely move by the time I made it to her room number.
Lyrik was there, standing outside the door, his back pressed to the wall, his head rocked back toward the ceiling.
Panic sloshed, and terror slogged through my veins.
I froze three feet away.
He pulled from the wall when he saw I was there, and I was crushing my teeth when I met his eyes.
Waiting for the worst.
For the debt to increase.
These sins greater than I could afford.
Lyrik roughed a hand through his hair, blowing out a shuddering sigh. “She’s awake.”
My hand darted out to the wall to keep me standing.
Fear exhaled on a haggard breath.
Respite.
Reprieve.
Still, I was asking, disbelief in the plea, “She’s okay?”
He nodded. “She’s going to be.”
My spirit screamed and my soul shouted.
“The doctor is in there right now. First thing she did when she woke up was ask for you and the kids. I think she’s as worried about you as you were about her.”
Emotion shivered, and I blinked.
Uncertain.
Unworthy.
Could I just . . . walk in there?
Be with her?
“You’re a fool if you’re standing there questioning if she could love you right now. Question is, after everything, can you love her?”
I looked at the closed door.
Every nerve alive.
That connection booming through the air.
I gulped as I pushed it open.
Energy crashed.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
I was inundated with it.
Blinded.
Her goodness.
Her purity.
Her light.
Even though she was beat up, her smile was soft—an invitation—when she looked at me from where she was propped up on the bed, attached to a thousand monitors, all of them beating with life.
The air punched from my lungs.
Knees going weak.
The best thing that I’d ever seen.
“Hi,” she whispered, voice thick.
“Hey.”
The doctor shifted a fraction, the woman taking in my state, eyebrow arching in question.
“This is who I was telling you about. The man who saved me. Saved my children.” Mia’s voice was acute affection, a message delivered in her words.
Thank you.
And I didn’t know how to stand under that.
Like these sins could be erased.
Moisture glistened in her eyes, and the girl looked at me the way she always had.
Like she saw something better.
Something right.
Something meant for her.
Love burst in my heart.
Wasn’t sure how any of us remained upright under the eruption of it.
The doctor hummed, looking between us.
I edged for the bed.
Wary.
Eager.
Sorry.
Fucking sorry, and still suffering all that hope this girl had somehow made me believe in again.
I leaned in, dropped my forehead to hers, breathed her in. “You’re okay.”
She nodded, face getting soggy from the tears that slipped free.
“An artery in her thigh was nicked,” the doctor explained. “Thankfully the paramedics arrived quickly, and it was easily repaired in surgery. It seems somebody else took the brunt of it.” Her voice shifted in implication.
My eyes dropped closed, and I knew that was the only thing I wanted.
To be her shield.
Her protection.
This girl my own savior. One I didn’t deserve but who was still waiting on me.
I let my lips press to hers.
Lightly, though I lingered.
“You’re okay.”
She nodded under my kiss. Tears slipped from the corner of her eyes.
“You’re hurt,” she whispered.
“It’s nothing.” I edged back and set my hand on her face. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, Leif. You have nothing to apologize for. I told you I always recognized the man you are. The one who was waiting to be freed. He’s the man I fell in love with. He is the one standing right here, in front of me. The one who saved us. He’s the one I want.”
“Don’t want to be anywhere else, Mia. I . . .” I struggled with what to say. “My past . . . the guy . . . he was a bad guy. And I know you get what that really means now.”
I knew we had an audience. But I didn’t care. I was so over hiding behind the walls.
Behind the anger and the hate and the fear that had held me captive for the last three years.
I had to lay all of that at her feet.
“But if you can see past that—through it—I will live for you, Mia. Live for you with all that I have. I love Penny. I love Greyson.”