There I went. Spouting the things I shouldn’t say.
“I hate that you feel like you need to take care of me. That I’m helpless.”
A hiss of refusal pushed between my clenched teeth, and I edged a step into her room, backing her inside. I snapped the door shut behind us.
Instantly, I felt the walls close in. The air grew dense and deep, so thick it was hard to move.
She stood in the middle of it like an anchor.
A beacon.
Soulshine.
So stunning, she was the only thing I could see.
“You think I think you’re helpless?” My head shook as I took another step toward her. “You think I don’t see how hard it is for you to walk out on that stage night after night? That I don’t feel your fear? Your struggles? And you do it, anyway. Because you’re a fighter.”
With shaky fingers, she reached out and traced along the angle of my face. “You are the fighter, Royce. A defender and a guard. It’s becoming harder and harder to stand without you.”
A grimace pulled to my mouth, and Emily turned away and slowly moved over to her window. Tendrils of blonde cascaded down her back, falling free of the twist. She crossed her arms over her chest, the girl’s shoulders heaving as she stared out into the night.
“We all deserve to have someone stand beside us. All of us, Emily. I’m here for you . . . because I want to be. Because there’s nothing I want to see more than you becoming every single thing you were meant to be. You are a star.”
Fuck.
I wanted to be that person for her.
Wanted to be good enough.
Right enough.
“Royce . . . there is something I need to tell you, and I need to start from the beginning.”
She peeked back at me before she continued, “Nile and I?”
The thought of the two of them together sent possession streaking through my bloodstream.
She froze as if she felt the force of it. She hugged herself tighter, her confession so quiet as she murmured it into the shadows lapping in the room.
“We were gonna have a baby.”
Pain flooded from her when she made the confession.
Every cell in my body cringed.
Twisted and gnarled.
At the same time, her entire body seized for a single moment.
The two of us tied in that second.
Sharing grief.
Thing was, I wasn’t sure which of us the torment was coming from.
Visions assaulted me—so severe I felt them like bullets. An infant in my arms. Her tiny cries. Her sweet face. My hand darted out to the wall to keep myself standing.
When Emily looked back at me again, tears soaked her face.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me.” Panic had me loosing the words. A coward who didn’t know if he could handle hearing her truth. The girl was fully offering her trust to me, and I wasn’t sure I trusted myself with it any longer.
No longer sure I could see this through.
My intentions blurry.
Fading into the background of this girl who’d become the light inside of me.
She shifted to face me. “After tonight? I need to tell you this, Royce. I need you to listen. I need you to hear me. I need you to know all the pieces of me.”
My spirit lurched.
Making a play to meet with her. I forced myself to remain rooted by the door when she shifted around to face me.
“We were together for years, Royce. Years. Having a family was the one thing I knew for certain I wanted for my life. I always wanted to play. To sing and bring songs to life. To whisper hope into people’s ears when maybe they needed to hear it most. Is it wrong that the one thing I needed to hear the most was someone callin’ me Mama?”
She pressed her hands to her chest like she was trying to hold that broken part of her heart inside.
I had to stop myself from dropping to my knees.
I wanted to rush her. Wrap her up and promise her I would fix it.
Moisture clouded those jade eyes, the girl chewing at her bottom lip like she was praying I could understand even a small amount of her grief.
She didn’t get that I felt it like a punch to the gut.
That I got it on a level that had sent me spiraling for years.
“I was so happy, Royce.” Emily whispered it. A choked confession as she turned that gorgeous gaze up to me. “But when I lost the baby?”
Her expression wrenched and grief stalled her words. “It was like there was a bolt that no longer fit. A piece that was no longer holding us together.”
There wasn’t anything I could do but move her way.
Drawn.
The girl a flame.
A light I couldn’t turn away from.
I brushed back a lock of hair matted to her cheek.