I wipe away the shameful tears, trying to gather myself. “I’m sorry. I never meant for you to find out this way.”
“Too late. Get the fuck out of my house.” She heaves in her father’s arms.
“I’ll take you home.”
“No, you won’t!” Hazel snaps. “She’s a big girl, she can find her own way home.”
“Hazel—”
I step in, needing this to end. “No, she’s right. I’m fine.” I barely keep eye contact with Heath as I grab my bag and leave. The second the door slams shut, there’s an explosion of glass shattering, Hazel’s screams, and Heath’s booming growl. I don’t stick around to see how it pans out and catch the first bus right back to campus.
Violet
I’ve had some low times in my life, but nothing compares to the devastation of what I’ve done. I woke up this morning after spending most of the night crying, hoping I would have a message, a missed call, anything that shows I was something more to Heath than a dirty little secret. My heart broke for how Hazel found out. It should have never been that way. We should have told her.
Just when I think there’s nothing left in me, my eyes still manage to work up the tears. I’ve left several messages for Hazel to call me back, hear me out, let me explain. But they’ve all gone unanswered. She truly hates me, and she should. I don’t know where to go from here. Do I move out? Wait for her to return so she can scratch my eyes out? Do I fight for this? What is there to fight for when he doesn’t want you? The truth is a hard pill to swallow, and I’m forced to choke on the reality of it all. He doesn’t really want me. I punch my pillow, ashamed that I allowed this fantasy to go this far. I let my mind create this perfect world where we actually worked. Where Hazel accepted us along with the rest of the world. Where we took the good with the bad while living together in this happily ever after.
“So fucking foolish. I am just like my mother,” I cry into my pillow, hating the person I’ve become. How could I even think Hazel would accept it? I was fucking her dad for Christ’s sake! I am a whore, a slut. I cry for the wrong I’ve done and the mess I’m unable to clean up. When there are no more tears to shed, I get up and come to terms with my actions. If there’s one thing I can do for Hazel, it’s to not be here when she gets back to school.
I have no idea where I’ll go, but I pack enough stuff to last me a few days until I figure out my living situation. The money I have saved will allow me to get a cheap motel for a couple days until the school places me somewhere else. I think about what my mom is going to say. Her words ring like broken bells in my ear. “I told you so.” She always knew I was a temptress, luring those men in. This is no different.
With it being Sunday, registration and housing are closed. I trek the three miles past campus to the cheapest motel, taking a detour at a coffee café when I see him. Fuck.
“Hey, there. Wow, you look like…you okay?” Jim is sitting in the booth alone, a bunch of papers in front of him.
“Yeah. Hey. Just having trouble sleeping.” I step up in line when he scoots out of his seat, pulls me away, and guides me to sit down. I should tell him no, but I’m on autopilot. My feet are sore from walking in the heat, and I’m mentally and physically exhausted. “Let me get you some water. Coffee?” I nod, thankful he can be nice to me after the way I treated him. I don’t deserve him to be.
When he returns, I chug the water, not realizing how thirsty I was. The last time I had anything to drink or eat was yesterday at…
“Hey…hey, you sure you’re okay?”
I suck in a deep breath, trying to rein in my emotions. “Yeah, just problems at home. I’m sorry. This is not normally me. I’m just…” Ashamed. Heartbroken. Alone. “I should probably let you finish your—”
“Not a chance. I’m not letting you leave this upset. You look super pale. When was the last time you ate?” Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. “Oookay! That’s it. You’re coming with me.”
He quickly gathers his things, tucks me under his arm, and escorts me out of the café. I’m numb to my surroundings as he puts me in his car, and we start to drive.
“Where are we going?” He doesn’t answer right away, and it makes me uneasy. “Jim, you know, really, I’m fine. If you could just let me out here—”