“I’m going to make sure you get the help you need,” I promise Lida, but then jerk my head toward the cop cars. “But you have to go with the police. You know that, right?”
Her gaze goes to Charlie but she answers me. “Yeah…I know.”
I hold an arm up and motion the police that it’s okay to come forward. Nordstrom and another cop start walking our way and Lida sighs with resignation. I don’t say another word but turn my back on her and start to walk away.
It’s over.Chapter 32LegendThe contrast between yesterday and today is stark.
If I could describe yesterday, it was colored dark gray and it felt like turbulent clouds swirling in ominous circles.
Yesterday, I was not okay. It will go down as the single worst day of my life and I know it will never be topped.
Lida was placed under arrest by Detective Nordstrom and taken away in one of the patrol cars. A paramedic came up to me and asked if he could check Charlie out. I handed her over without a word and used the time to call Pepper’s mom to relay that Charlie was safe. I’d give them all the details when I returned to the hospital.
Detective Nordstrom drove me to the hospital as we followed the ambulance carrying Charlie, who I wanted to be checked out by a doctor. I asked that they take us to the same hospital as Pepper.
On the way, Nordstrom told me some information that his partner had dug up when they first started investigating the kidnapping that morning. They went to see Lida’s attorney who candidly shared her medical records he had collected in preparation for the custody hearing. He knew the judge would want to see them.
Apparently, Lida was indeed struck with a severe case of postpartum depression. She had started on a course of medication that she had admitted to her attorney had helped a lot, but that she was still suffering from mood swings and loss of control. He told the investigators that her heart was in the right place but she was just too impatient to let herself get fully better before she tried to be a mother again.
I’m not sure why, but this made me feel infinitely better. To know there was definitely something beyond Lida’s control that was driving her to do the heinous things she did. Kidnapping of her own daughter was easy for me to process, but it truly helped that it was probably due to some mental defect that she shot Pepper. It would kill me to think Charlie’s mother was without morals or conscience, although admittedly, she never apologized for what she did to Pepper and Lucy.
After Charlie was checked out, we went to see Pepper. I knew she would be on pins and needles and I wanted her to be able to see that Charlie was safe and unhurt.
Once again, Pepper let me have my emotion and listened to me recount what had happened. She was without judgment when I told her that while still very angry with Lida, I also felt sorry for her. Pepper proved once again why she’s so amazing as she shed tears for Lida.
I know there are more difficult days to come. I know it’s going to be difficult to tell Charlie about this once she’s old enough to understand. I’ll need to give my best efforts to convey to Charlie that her mother did bad things, but she loved her very much too.
I know there will come a day when Charlie may want to see her mother. I have no idea how long Lida is going to go to prison for this, but I’m pretty sure kidnapping and attempted murder means she’s going to be there for a very long time. I haven’t quite figured out how I feel about Charlie potentially seeing her one day, but I know I can’t judge the readiness of such an event until I see the type of person Charlie develops into.
I woke up this morning fatigued and still a little disbelieving of what happened just yesterday.
Yet it wasn’t gray anymore in my mind.
Today I would say it’s bright white.
Clean.
Fresh.
A new start.
I had no choice but to seize on this because I didn’t want to be stuck in the murky horror of yesterday.
As I make my way into the hospital, I stick my nose into the bouquet of roses and inhale. Very nice but I have no clue if Pepper likes roses or not. I’ve never bought her flowers before and while we’ve discussed a lot of likes and dislikes, we never talked about that.
But I do know she likes flowers because her yard is brimming with pots overflowing with the damn things.
I take the elevator up to the fifth floor, smile at the nurses I pass in the hall and get fucking giddy just before I open the door to Pepper’s room. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I want her to know I’m okay.