“The black?”
“I don’t know what he means. He said he was full of the black, and the Neverwas came and said, ‘Let him die.’ This was a long time ago, ‘before the ocean and the bell and the floating away.’”
“Before his mother died,” she interpreted.
“Yes. That’s right. But he’s still afraid of the Neverwas.”
She trained upon me that gimlet-eyed stare again, as if she hoped she might pierce my cloud of mystery and pop it as if it were a balloon. “Why are you so interested in Jacob, dear?”
I couldn’t tell her that my lost girl, my Stormy, had made contact with me from the Other Side and had made known, through the instrument of Justine, another sweet lost girl, that Jacob possessed information concerning the source of the violence that would soon befall the school, perhaps before the next dawn.
Well, I could have told her, I guess, but I didn’t want to take a chance that she would pull down my lower lip with the expectation that tattooed on the inside of it would be the word lunatic.
Consequently, I said, “His art. The portraits on his wall. I thought they might be pictures of his mother. The drawings are so full of love. I wondered what it must be like to love your mother so much.”
“What a peculiar thing to say.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Don’t you love your mother, dear?”
“I guess so. A hard, sharp, thorny kind of love that might be pity more than anything else.”
I was leaning against the counter, and she took one of my hands in both of hers, squeezed it gently. “I’m a good listener, too, dear. You want to sit down with me for a while and talk?”
I shook my head. “She doesn’t love me or anyone, doesn’t believe in love. She’s afraid of love, of the obligations that come with it. Herself is all she needs, the admirer in the mirror. And that’s the story. There’s really nothing more to sit down and talk about.”
The truth is that my mother is a funhouse full of scares, such a twisted spirit and psychological mare’s nest that Sister Miriam and I could have talked about her without stop until the spring equinox.
But with the morning almost gone, with seven bodachs in the recreation room, with living boneyards stalking the storm, with Death opening the door to a luge chute and inviting me to go for a bobsled ride, I didn’t have time to put on a victim suit and tell the woeful tale of my sorrowful childhood. Neither the time nor the inclination.
“Well, I’m always here,” said Sister Miriam. “Think of me as Oprah with a vow of poverty. Anytime you want to pour out your soul, I’m here, and you don’t have to hold the emotion through commercial breaks.”
I smiled. “You’re a credit to the nun profession.”
“And you,” she said, “are still standing there in clouds of mystery.”
As I turned from the nurses’ station, my attention was drawn to movement at the farther end of the hall. A hooded figure stood in the open stairwell door, where he had apparently been watching me as I talked with Sister Miriam. Aware that he’d been seen, he retreated, letting the door fall shut.
The hood concealed the face, or at least that was the story I tried to sell myself. Although I was inclined to believe that the observer had been Brother Leopold, the suspicious novice with the sunny Iowa face, I was pretty sure the tunic had been black rather than gray.
I hurried to the end of the hall, stepped into the stairwell, and held my breath. Not a sound.
Although the convent on the third floor was forbidden to me and to everyone but the sisters, I ascended to the landing and peered up the last flight of stairs. They were deserted.
No imminent threat loomed, yet my heart raced. My mouth had gone dry. The back of my neck was stippled with cold sweat.
I was still trying to sell myself on the idea that the hood had concealed the face, but I wasn’t buying.
Plunging two steps at a time, wishing I were not in my stocking feet, which slipped on the stone, I went down to the ground floor. I opened the stairwell door, looked out, and did not see anyone.
I descended to the basement, hesitated, opened the door at the foot of the stairs, and halted on the threshold, listening.
A long hallway led the length of the old abbey. A second hall crossed the first at midpoint, but I couldn’t see into it from where I stood. Down here were the Kit Kat Katacombs, the garage, electrical vaults, machinery rooms, and storerooms. I would need a lot of time to investigate all those spaces.
Regardless of how long and thoroughly I searched, I doubted that I would find a lurking monk. And if I did find the phantom, I would probably wish that I had not gone looking for him.
When he had been standing in the open stairwell door, a ceiling light had shown down directly on him. The hoods on the monks’ tunics are not as dramatic as the hood on a medieval cowl. The fabric does not overhang the forehead sufficiently to cast an identity-concealing shadow, especially not in a direct fall of light.
The figure in the stairwell had been faceless. And worse than faceless. The light spilling into the hood had found nothing there to reflect it, only a terrible black emptiness.
CHAPTER 23
MY IMMEDIATE REACTION TO HAVING SEEN Death himself was to get something to eat.
I had skipped breakfast. If Death had taken me before I’d had something tasty for lunch, I would have been really, really angry with myself.
Besides, I couldn’t function properly on an empty stomach. My thinking was probably clouded by plunging blood sugar. Had I eaten breakfast, perhaps Jacob would have made more sense to me.
The convent kitchen is large and institutional. Nevertheless, it’s a cozy space, most likely because it is always saturated with mouthwatering aromas.
When I entered, the air was redolent of cinnamon, brown sugar, baked pork chops simmering with sliced apples, and a host of other delicious smells that made me weak in the knees.
The eight sisters on the culinary detail, all with shining faces and smiles, a few with flour smudges on their cheeks, some with their tunic sleeves rolled back a turn or two, all wearing blue aprons over their white habits, were busy at many tasks. Two were singing, and their lilting voices made the most of a charming melody.
I felt as if I had wandered into an old movie and that Julie Andrews, as a nun, might sweep into the room, singing to a sweet little church mouse perched on the back of her hand.
When I asked Sister Regina Marie if I could make a sandwich, she insisted on preparing it for me. Wielding a knife with a dexterity and pleasure almost unseemly for a nun, she sliced two slabs of bread from a plump loaf, carved a stack of thin slices of beef from a cold roast, lathered one piece of bread with mustard, the other with mayonnaise. She assembled beef, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, chopped olives, and bread into a teetering marvel, pressed it flatter with one hand, quartered it, plated it, added a pickle, and presented it to me in the time it took me to wash my hands at the pot sink.
The kitchen offers stools here and there at counters, where you can have a cup of coffee or eat without being underfoot. I sough
t one of these—and came across Rodion Romanovich.
The bearish Russian was working at a long counter on which stood ten sheet cakes in long pans. He was icing them.
Near him on the granite counter lay the volume about poisons and famous poisoners in history. I noticed a bookmark inserted at about page fifty.
When he saw me, he glowered and indicated a stool near him.
Because I’m an amiable fellow and loath to insult anyone, I find it awkward to decline an invitation, even if it comes from a possibly homicidal Russian with too much curiosity about my reasons for being a guest of the abbey.
“How is your spiritual revitalization proceeding?” Romanovich asked.
“Slow but sure.”
“Since we do not have cactuses here in the Sierra, Mr. Thomas, what will you be shooting?”
“Not all fry cooks meditate to gunfire, sir.” I took a bite of the sandwich. Fabulous. “Some prefer to bludgeon things.”
With his attention devoted to the application of icing to the first of the ten cakes, he said, “I myself find that baking calms the mind and allows for contemplation.”
“So you made the cakes, not just the icing?”
“That is correct. This is my best recipe…orange-and-almond cake with dark-chocolate frosting.”
“Sounds delicious. So to date, how many people have you killed with it?”
“I long ago lost count, Mr. Thomas. But they all died happy.”
Sister Regina Marie brought a glass of Coca-Cola for me, and I thanked her, and she said she had added two drops of vanilla to the Coke because she knew I preferred it that way.
When the sister departed, Romanovich said, “You are universally liked.”
“No, not really, sir. They’re nuns. They have to be nice to everyone.”