His low voice slides over the distance between us. “Why are you really leaving?”
Am I that obvious? Apparently so.
“I… Shit.” Standing, I take a deep breath and blurt it out. “I think we made a mistake.” My voice is overloud and desperate.
“Why?” His question is stark, as if ripped from him. “It was good. I know it was better than good—”
“Oh, God.” I hold up my hand to stop him from saying more. “It’s not that. Ethan…” I run hand through my hair. I’m so clammy, my skin snags along the strands. “It was too good.”
He takes a step forward, his head tilting as he peers at me. “I’m not sure I get why too good is a mistake.”
“Because I’m going to want so-fucking-fantastic-my-knees-are-still-weak every day.” At this, his lips quirk, a gleam lighting his eyes, and I fight a smile. “I’m kind of selfish like that.”
Another step and he’s almost within touching distance, but he comes no farther. “Still not seeing the problem, Cherry.” His voice goes dark. “I’ll give it to you every day. Several times a day, if I have a say in the matter.”
He’s slowly coming closer, as if he’s afraid I’ll bolt. I want to. As it is, I press a hand to his solid chest. The instant I touch him, all my happy parts clench tight and hot. But I hold his gaze, don’t let him duck down to kiss me. “That’s the problem, Big Guy. You can’t. You won’t be where I am. And I…”
Dex’s soft lips brush against mine, stealing the breath from me.
“And I…” I say again. “I’ll miss it too much.”
Again he kisses me, a slow, melting nuzzle of lips. Soothing, tempting. Despite myself, I cup his cheek, stroke along his beard. His big, warm hand holds the back of my neck, keeping me steady as he gives me another kiss. No tongue, just mouth to mouth, an exchange of air. Just enough to let me feel.
“I’m kissing you,” he whispers against my lips, “and already I miss you.”
A ragged breath leaves me, and I break away from him. Not that he lets me go far. He holds my cheeks and presses his forehead to mine. With his great height, the action makes it seem as though he’s sheltering me, his broad shoulders hunched, his thick arms surrounding me.
With another man it might be intimidating. I simply feel protected with Dex. Which makes all of this so much harder.
“That’s the point. I hate being left behind, Ethan. I hated it when my dad did it. I hated it when my mom decided to live in another country. I hate the idea of it now. I tried to tell you this before. But you’re…you, all sexy and sweet and strong and beautiful… God, I’m babbling. You make me babble, Ethan. No guy has ever made me do that. How am I supposed to resist you?”
“You don’t.” The corners of his eyes crinkle, but it doesn’t look like amusement; it looks like pain. Perhaps the same pain I’m feeling.
“Last night,” I tell him, “was… I’ve never felt that before. Not just the sex, although…Hell, Ethan Dexter, you rock my world.” My fingers tighten on his jaw. “I know I said I’d try but… Shit…now I know it will slowly kill me not to have all of you.”
“You have me,” he rasps as though I’m killing him now. “You fucking have all of me.”
His declaration rips through my heart. We’ve only had a few days together. Already he knows as well as I do that the connection we made altered us. But I’m afraid I can only bend so far before I break. My throat swells tight.
“That’s the thing. I don’t have you. I will never have you with me all of the time.”
His body jerks, and I’m the one holding tight, afraid he’ll pull away.
“Ethan, I wouldn’t change you for the world. Football is part of who you are. Take that away, and I take away an essential component of you. But it doesn’t change the fact that if I don’t pull back now, I’ll regret it.”
He steps away, shoving his fisted hands deep in his jeans pockets. Massive muscles bunch along his shoulders and down his arms. His expression is like stone, but Dex was never very good with hiding emotion in his eyes. Maybe he doesn’t want to be. So much pain there. Anger too.
“I never want to be a regret to you, Fiona.” His throat works on a swallow, and he glances away, giving me his strong profile. “I don’t want to let you go. But if that’s what you want, I’ll respect your decision.”
So fucking grown up. I don’t feel like one. I’m the stupid kid who makes all the wrong choices. Is this one of them? I’m trying to do the right thing, and I know my usual self would toss caution to the wind and screw the consequences. But that’s led me down too many bad roads.
This is the smart choice. End it now before I turn into a whining, nagging leech girlfriend.
An unsteady breath leaves me. “I—”
He holds up a hand, his eyes still not meeting mine. “I can’t. Whatever it is you want to say just…” He moves then, faster than I’d have ever imagined.
Before I can even blink, he has me, his hands fisting my hair, his mouth on mine. It’s hard—his grip, his touch. He takes me, parting my lips with his, plunging his tongue in deep.
My knees do that weak thing again as he kisses the ever-loving fuck out of me. I can’t even hold on, I’m too dizzy with the feel of him just taking what he wants.
When my air runs out, his lips leave mine on a soft gasp. Dex rests his forehead against my heated cheek. The tips of his thumbs run along my skin. And when he talks, his voice is so rough, I almost don’t recognize it.