The One I Need (Snakes Henchmen MC 2)

I turn my head slightly to look at the little girl’s face. Her little head is turned towards my neck, but looking at her, even like this, I can see she's the adorable little girl from those pictures in Nova's photo album.

“I can't care for her any longer. I know I promised Nova that I would, but I told her that I needed her to be around to help with nursing her. She told me that she would only be gone for a week, I managed for that long. It's been almost four weeks and she still hasn't come back! I can't nurse her as well as my own children, it's agony.” She touches her breasts for emphasis.

“If she doesn't want the kid... What am I talking about? Of course, she doesn't want her. But then I promised to take her on as my own so I'm just as awful. I thought I could do this but I can't. And I know deep in her heart Nova wants to be Ember's mother, but she's fighting what she feels for her daughter. Point is, if she really doesn't want her, she needs to give her to someone who can care for her.”

“And that's not you.” It's not a question.

“No. It's not me. I have four children of my own and one on the way. I just can't manage. Physically, I am drained. Ember does nothing but cry, which sets off my eighteen-month-old twins. When I agreed to take care of Ember, I never realized it would be this hard.”

“Come inside, you and Nova need to talk.”

“No.” She smiles slightly, and I can see just how tired she actually is. “I've just driven almost four hours with a screaming baby. A baby that cries because she wants her mommy. That little girl bonded with Nova no matter how much Nova denies it.

“My head is about to explode. I need to get home to my kids. I can't talk this through with Nova, you have no clue what she can be like when she wants something. She's extremely manipulative.

“Ember is her daughter. No matter how that precious baby came into this world, no matter the horrors Nova suffered, that baby needs her. She can't keep looking at this little girl and seeing those monsters.”

I narrow my eyes again. What is this woman trying to say to me without saying it at all?

“Ember loves her mommy, Nova needs to remember that fact.” She leans forward and plants a small kiss on the baby's head. “Goodbye, sweet angel.”

“Oh my god, I needed that.”

With a hissed Shit! Mandy runs down the driveway and into her car. She tips her head slightly before backing out and driving away as fast as she can and speeding off down the road.

“What are you doing out there it's freezing?”

I turn in her direction. I've already pulled the bags inside. I kick the door shut with my boot. Her eyes are locked on the baby in my arms, and boy, are her eyes wide. “When were you going to tell me you have a daughter?”

She shakes her head from side to side, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. She then turns and runs from the room. She's not running from this, from her child. I won't let her.

I follow her into her bedroom. She's standing by the window, arms around her body like she's trying to protect herself. Carefully, I lay the baby in the middle of Nova's bed and cover her little body with the blanket from the bottom.

“I take it Mandy took off before I came out?”

“She didn't want to give you chance to talk her into taking Ember back with her.”

Ember? Who calls their child that?

“That bitch promised to care for her as her own. How could she just dump her on me like this!”

“I don't know what's goin' on here, but that baby needs you.”

“I can't keep her here, Tank. I can't take care of her.”

“Yes, you can, she's your daughter.”

“No,” She shakes her head. I'm standing right behind her, wanting nothing more than to hold her and tell her everything will be okay. But I won't. Not yet. “She's not my daughter, she's something that invaded my body for months like some kind of alien.”

I take a deep breath in through my nose. How could she say such a thing about her own child?

“Take her away. Please.” Her voice is nothing more than a scared whisper. And I have to wonder what she's been through. What could have been so bad that she has to push her baby away like this?

Whatever happened it wasn't that little girl’s fault. I have to help Nova see that. I lost my parents when I was a kid and I'd give anything to have them back. Nova was torn from her father as a little girl, she knows the hurt that comes with it, does she really want her daughter to feel as abandoned? Ember is right here in front of Nova and I have to help her see that no matter what, she can be the mother she believes she can't be.

I take her by the shoulders and turn her to face me. “I don't know what happened to you, Nova, but it wasn't that little girl’s fault.”

“I know that! I never said it was her fault!” She yells at me. I turn my head, the baby's eyes open for a second before closing again like they're just too heavy to keep open. Good. “I can't keep her, Tank. I tried to be there for her when she was born, I nursed her, held her, broke my own heart over what to do. I'm a terrible mother. She deserves better.”

“She deserves to know her mother. She deserves to be loved and protected. She deserves to be with her family.”

“You think my father will love her when he finds out where she came from?”

“What are you talking about, Nova?” She shakes her head and looks away from me. I take her face between my hands and force her to look at me. “She's a part of you. Shepard will love her regardless. Jett will love her. We will all love her, Nova. It doesn't matter who her father is.” She huffs to herself and I can feel the sarcasm in it. “Who is her father?”

“Beats me.” She shrugs me off and walks out of the room without so much as looking at Ember.

I can't seem to look away from her. She looks even smaller lying there in the middle of her mother’s big bed. That little pink sleepsuit with the feet is adorable. Her dark hair is pushed back in her pigtails, and somewhere in her sleep, she hangs on for dear life to the pacifier in her mouth.

What the hell am I doing?

Falling in love with a little girl whose eyes you haven't even seen open wide yet, Tank.

I lean over and plant a soft kiss on the little girl’s head. I then sigh to myself and leave the room.

I can't fucking believe this is happening! How could Mandy do this to me? She promised to keep Ember with her not fucking drive all this way and drop her off then run away because she didn't want to face me. Fucking coward!

I can't do this. I can't be a mother to that little girl, I'd destroy her. How could I ever take care of her when I do what I do? I just couldn't.

Ember was the product of one of the worst nights of my life. One stupid drunken night over nineteen months ago that led to that beautiful little girl in my bedroom. One stupid drunken night where I was a plaything for many. One night where

I let my guard down. Payback is a bitch for a reason.

I spent months after that night fighting to get my strength back, months destroying the lives of those who thought they could beat me. It wasn't until the day I gave birth that I even knew I was pregnant.

Can you believe that?

I thought I had appendicitis. Until the doctor told me I was moments away from giving birth. I was alone and terrified. I'd made sure after putting Celia into hiding to keep myself segregated from the world. Always alone. I had no one to turn to, no one to care about me. All I did was train my body to be the temple it once was.

The moment Ember was born, I begged the doctor to take her away. I didn't want to see her, didn't want to love her. I knew should I hold her in my arms, I would never want to give her up. But I knew that I had to. I knew I would never be stable enough to care for her.

Mandy was my neighbor at the time. I didn't really know her but for saying hello each morning on my runs. She was at the hospital the same time as I was. She was visiting a friend of hers who'd just given birth to a baby boy. She saw me through the glass in my door and popped inside to say hello.

I told her about the baby and how I couldn't keep her. At first, she didn't understand how I couldn't love my baby. It wasn't the fact I didn't love her, I loved her more than I could ever say. It was because I loved her so much that I knew I couldn't keep her.

In the end, I told Mandy exactly what had happened to me and why I believed I couldn't care for my daughter. Okay, I didn't tell her what I do for a living that would have been suicide, but I told her how I travelled around a lot looking for my birth father.

That's when she agreed to take the baby and raise her as her own. At the time, she had eight-month-old twins, and a three and four-year-old, all boys, and she believed Ember would fit right in. The little girl she never had. I was so grateful to her. I felt such a surge of relief.