I bite the pad of my thumb and watch Taylor patching up Hawk. When Wrench called and told me that Hawk was hurt, I left Gabriel with my sister and rushed right over to Taylor's. Christ, I was thinking all sorts. My imagination was running wild on the state I might find him in.
There were a handful of Snakes here, all with minor injuries that Taylor had or would patch up. They were all in good spirits, so I knew without asking that no one had been killed. My stomach unclenched a little knowing that.
I was so relieved to see that Hawk wasn't seriously hurt, that when I finally let out the breath I'd been holding in, I almost passed out. He doesn't have broken or cracked ribs, but they are, badly bruised. His knee is also messed up thanks to some animal kicking his leg out from under him.
I'm glad Hawk is okay, but I'm pissed this happened! If I think about it logically, some of the Snakes were bound to get hurt. There are always casualties of some kind in any fight, but that doesn't stop me wanting to strangle Hawk for putting himself in that situation. However, I knew the man Hawk was when I got involved with him; he never lied to me. I also know I need to grow a thicker skin because if I don't, I won't last in this life. It's not always going to be easy to act tough when it comes to my man fighting, and the fact he could be killed doing it, but it's either deal with it, or leave. Leaving is not an option.
I need to do what Nova taught me and take a deep breath, channel all my anger, and push it elsewhere. Push it away until I'm somewhere wide open, only then cam I let that anger go with a huge scream. Alternatively, if that doesn't work, take it to the boxing ring and hit the shit out of something.
What I'd like to hit right now is Hawk!
“Why would you take on three men at once?”
“Mom! Jesus, it's not like I had a choice. They came at me. What was I supposed to do? Stand there and let them kill me?”
Taylor shakes her head and sighs. “Of course, not. I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm a mess.” Understandable with what's gone on today. Her son's and her husband could have been killed. I can't even imagine what Taylor goes through each time something like this happens. I watch as she finishes wrapping Hawk's elevated knee, and gets to her feet.
“Mom?” Hawk takes Taylor's hand in his. “Is something wrong? You don't usually get this het up over a few bruises.”
She leans down and kisses his head. “I'm fine, sweetheart. Here take these,” She hands him a couple of painkillers and a glass of water. “I love you, Hawk.”
“Love you, too, Mom.” I watch him swallow the pills with the water, then hand the glass to Taylor.
“I'll leave you two alone.” Taylor shoots me a smile and leaves the room.
I look at Hawk sitting in the plush armchair beside the window, in this his childhood bedroom. He's wearing nothing but his boxer briefs with a towel lying over his lap. Hawk's right side is partially covered in angry red and purple bruises. His leg looks just as bad. Even bandaged, I can see how swollen it is.
“I know you're angry with me, baby, and I'm sorry I've upset you,”
“I'm not angry,” I cut him off and push my hands into the pockets of my jeans. I'm not angry anymore, the adrenaline that was pumping through me has dissipated. I'm just so very thankful he's alive. “I was for a few minutes, but there's no point holding onto anger. This is who you are, and I need to get used to it.”
Hawk stares at me, looking exhausted. No doubt the painkillers have given him a glassy-eyed look. “Come here,” He holds his hand out to me.
I should give him a piece of my mind, make him see how worried and scared I was. Where would that get me, though? Hawk will argue his point, and I'll argue mine, we'll both get upset, and nothing will be resolved. It won't because nothing will ever change when it comes to Hawk and his part with Snakes Henchmen. I can put my point across now without blowing up.
I take Hawk's hand and gently climb onto his lap, careful not to touch his left knee, and keep my weight on his right side. He wraps his arms around my waist and lays his head on my shoulder. “You could have been killed today.” I stroke my fingers through his hair.
“Today didn't go as planned. Nova decided to turn up and take matters into her own hands. Shepard would have kept things calm enough that none of what happened would have.”
Why am I not surprised?
“What did she do this time?”
Hawk rests his head back against the chair and looks at me. “She took out the Coyotes new president, who turned out to be Kong's older brother. Not that Kong will be bothered, they hated each other. The Coyotes new VP didn't take kindly to what Nova had done, and a fight broke out.”
“Did we lose anyone?” I didn't think we had when I saw the others outside. I swallow hard because now I'm not so sure.
“No,” Hawk smiles, and my heart beats a little slower. “We didn't lose anyone. A few of us have some minor injuries, but nothing that won't heal in time.”
I cup Hawk's face, and stroke his cheek with my thumb. “What am I going to do with you?” He smiles, and even though I'm still a little annoyed, I fall deeper in love with him. “I know this is who you are, and I would never ask you to change, but I'm not sure I can deal with this.”
Hawk's eyes widen, he shifts in his seat and moves me slightly. “Brooke, please...” He closes his eyes and swallows down and audible lump. When he opens his eyes and looks at me, I see fear swimming in them.
Realization hits me. Silly man thinks I meant I want to leave. It must be all the pain he's in making him believe something like that. I take his face in my hands. “Hawk, I didn't mean for you to think that I wanted us to break up. I just meant that I felt like my heart was crushing in my chest. Not knowing if you were really okay, it was the worst feeling. I never want to lose you. You're my world, and I love you so much.”
I would tell Hawk not to do this to me again, but this type of thing happens a lot in the world my man lives in. Besides, I'd never ask Hawk to change. He was a Snakes Henchmen when I met him, and he'll be a Snakes Henchmen until the day he dies. I loved him knowing he was a biker, and I know he'd never be happy being anyone else. If I were to ask him to change, then I wouldn't be, being true to myself.
“I love you, too, Brooke. I know this whole thing has upset you, but you have to try and get used to it. What happened today won't be the last time it happens, and it won't be the last time I get injured. I can't promise you that it will be. However, I can promise you that I won't deliberately get myself killed.”
I don't know if that was supposed to make me feel better, but I doubt many people deliberately go and get themselves killed!
“I know I have to grow a thicker skin, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Think yourself lucky I had time to calm down, or you'd be sporting a fat lip right now for worrying me so much.”
Hawk laughs heartily and then kisses me. I kiss him back, our tongues dancing and clashing together erotically. I moan loudly because I can't help myself.
“Baby girl,” He groans against my mouth. I pull away, laughing.
“Later. We need to get home to Gabe. Marnie is watching him.” My mood shifts instantly. Thoughts of Marnie often do that these days.
“Brooke? What's wrong?”
I sigh. “Marnie's a mess, Hawk. Paul battered her to the point she couldn't sit down without wincing.”
“I'm taking it; she made excuses for him?”
I shake my head. One thing Marnie didn't do was lie and make excuses for what Paul did. “She did refuse to leave him, however. How do I keep her safe when she won't allow anyone to help her?”
It's frustrating, and all I want is to drag Marnie away from Paul, so the Snakes can teach him a lesson he'll never forget. I feel so helpless because no matter how many times I tell my sister that I can help her
get away from Paul, she refuses. I wish she'd tell me the real reason she stays.
“You can't force Marnie to leave Paul, no matter how badly you want to.”
“But how am I supposed to let her go back to a man who beats her like she's nothing, Hawk?”
God, I just want to shake Marnie until I shake some sense into her. All my life, she has taught me never to let a man hurt me. She told me that neither of us had a chance to fight back against Hank, but that didn't mean we had to sit back and become victims to the men we dated or married.
When did that suddenly stop applying to my sister?
I know she was forced to marry Paul, and she stayed to protect me because of Hank's threats to kill me if she didn't. However, I'm safe now, and there's no reason for her to stay now!
“It can only be Marnie's choice, Brooke. There will come a day when she plucks up the courage to walk away, and when that day comes, we'll be there to help her with everything she needs.”
“In the meantime, I'm just supposed to wait around hoping he doesn't beat her to death? She's my big sister, Hawk, and I can't bear that I have to sit back and do nothing. I'm so frustrated!”
Hawk strokes the back of his hand down my cheek. I'm so angry I could explode! I'm not upset with my sister; I'm angry with the situation. “I think you know Marnie is a smart woman, Brooke. If things get too much, she'll walk. I'm not saying Paul won't go too far one day, but we have to hope that he won't. All we can do is be there for Marnie until she's ready, and we will be, I promise.”
I nod because it's all I can do. Marnie won't let me help her, and until she does, all I can do is be there when she needs me.
“Come on, handsome, let's get you dressed. It's time to go home.”
* * *
Hawk has been stuck at home for the past couple of days. He can't bend his knee enough to ride his bike due to the swelling, and he refuses to let me drive him anywhere. He's been quite an asshole these past few days. I've had to stop myself yelling at him more than once.