“OK, hold on here.”
All of us turn to look at another man standing off to the side. It’s the man-in-black dude who ordered us to get in the van back in the desert.
“You,” I say. “Who the fuck are you?”
“I,” the man says, pointing to his chest, “am Fingers.” He takes a little bow and then smiles at me. “At your service.”
And now Emma is the one holding me back, because this is the actual asshole responsible for everything today.
This is the asshole who deserves to be choked out and I’m going to be the one to do it.
And that’s when a mermaid on a swing begins to descend from the ceiling…Chapter Eighteen“Mila?” I exclaim. And I have to admit, I’m a little shrieky at the moment. The sound of my voice makes everyone cringe. Even me.
“Oh, my fucking God.” Mila laughs. “You two are crazy!”
“What the hell are you doing? And why are you dressed up like a mermaid?”
“Uh…” Mila laughs. “Hello? Earth to Emma? I’m your maid of honor.”
“What?” I’m so confused. But then there are two more swings being lowered from the ceiling. And two more mermaids, swinging their tails back and forth like this is all good fun. “Hannah? Natalie! What in God’s name is happening?”
“Stop hogging the spotlight, Mila!” Natalie says as her swing lowers. “All three of us are your bridesmaids, Ems.”
“I’m so disappointed in you,” Hannah says, kicking her tail. “I cannot believe you were actually going to have a wedding without us!”
“What?” I look at Jesse. I’m stunned.
But he just laughs. Then he points to Fingers and says, “Well played, Mr. Fingers. Well played.”
Fingers holds up his hands again. “I’m afraid none of this was my idea.”
I look at Karen. “You? You really did all this?”
Karen shrugs her shoulders all the way up to her ears. “Well, I would love to take credit for all of it, but I’m afraid it wasn’t my original idea.”
“It was ours.”
I turn to look behind me and see my mother, arm in arm with Miles. “You two?”
Jesse barks out a laugh. “What?”
My mom lets go of Miles and walks towards me. She takes both my hands in hers and gives them a tight squeeze. “Miles told me you were upset that I was bossing you out of your perfect wedding. He called us before you left for Vegas. And then…” She beams a smile at me. “We decided that if you wanted a crazy Vegas wedding, we’d make it happen.”
And then my father and all three of my brothers walk out from behind a large air compressor.
“Are you kidding me right now?” I can’t help it, I practically cackle.
“Cowboy Clarence?” Tony says. “That was my idea.”
“And the rollercoaster?” Luke says. “I came up with that one.”
I look at Alonzo. “And you?”
He opens his hands wide and says, “Fuckin’ pirates! They’re pretty much the answer to everything. And”—he eyeballs Jesse with a big-brother glare—“the skydiving was a given.”
“You tried to kill me, didn’t you?” Jesse points an accusatory finger at my massive, tatted-up brother.
Alonzo scowls at him. “Hey. You lived, right?”
“I planned the Shotgun Wedding,” Karen quips, trying to defuse the brewing almost-brother-in-law rivalry. “Your mom was worried you’d both bail out before we could get all the arrangements for the aquarium ready, so I came up with something more… traditional.”
“Traditional?” I blink at her. “There was a shootout at the end!”
“Well, we couldn’t let you actually get married before the aquarium was ready,” Luke says. “Duh, Emma.”
“I tried to stop you two from leaving,” Karen says. “The kidnapping wasn’t actually part of the plan. We were just going to tell you after the shootout once we had you in the SUV’s, but then you stole the wedding car and we were afraid you’d get away and miss your big moment. So Fingers agreed to get his men in on this and take over.”
“We didn’t know which crazy wedding you’d enjoy more,” my father explains. “But once we heard you say the aquarium, we knew we had to make it happen. It’s the perfect way for a Dumas woman to say ‘I do.’”
“It took all day to plan,” Mila says.
“And the dress the mean Russian lady was supposed to make for me?” I ask.
“It’s ready,” Fingers says. “If you are.”
“We’re going to get married inside the aquarium?” I ask.
“You’re going to get married inside the aquarium.” Hannah laughs. “And we get to be mermaids!”
“But…” I’m still confused. “How did you guys even get here?”
“Listen,” Mila says. “I never thought we needed the Bright Berry Monster jet. You know how I put up a fight over that thing. But right now, I’m very glad we have it! It’s almost like that jet was waiting for this moment to prove itself worthy.”
I just laugh.
“OK, then!” Fingers claps his hands. “Places, everyone. We have two hundred guests in front of the aquarium waiting on you!”