Instead, she did the right thing. Drinking coffee, taking Nathan to school, unpacking.
“You’re so grown up, Tabitha. You make me so proud.”
And yet, little by little, she was dying inside. It didn’t stop. The pain, the fear, the anger. It kept on multiplying. She couldn’t get it to stop.
Finishing off her coffee even as it burned her throat, she stood. “Is there anything else I can get you?”
The frown was back on the other woman’s face, but she didn’t care. She had to do something. Dwelling only served to make her realize Simon was off killing people rather than getting his shit together, and she was here, alone.
Nathan might not even be his kid.
She shook her head, trying to clear the toxic thoughts from her mind.
“Tabitha, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Believe me. I’m fine. Perfectly happy. So, er, I’ve got a lot of stuff to clean away. I wanted it done rather pronto. I’m sorry if I’m seeming in a rush. I want to find a job and provide a little stability for my son.”
“Oh, a job, well, I was going to ask if you would like to help us out at the shop.”
Lexie and a great deal of the Chaos Bleeds old ladies had opened up their own fashion line.
From what she recalled Simon saying, it had been a huge success. Forcing a smile to her lips, she said, “Thank you, I’d like that.”
Are you fucking crazy? You don’t want that. You want to live your own life and still, you’re being offered.
It’s the polite thing to do.
Fucking polite, yeah right. They’re just putting you in a little box. They’re trying to keep you contained.
“When do you want me to start?”
“Tabitha, is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is fine.” She finished washing up her coffee cup and slid the milk right back into the fridge. “Look at that, I’ve got to go shopping as well.”
“I’m getting the message,” Lexie said, finishing her coffee.
“No message.”
“How about I come with you to the store?” Lexie asked.
No!
“Great, I’d like that.”
Why are you lying? Tell her to fuck off and to go look for the son who just left to deal with his shit.
It’s not Simon’s fault.
He shouldn’t have shot that piece of shit.
You wanted him to.
Shut the fuck up.
She had to stop speaking to herself in her own mind. It was starting to make her sound like a crazy person and that was never, ever, any good.
Grabbing her bag from the corner of the kitchen, she slid it across her body and she followed Lexie out of the apartment. After locking the door, they walked toward the elevator. She normally took the stairs, but with Lexie, she took the elevator.
Standing in the metal box, she stared at the numbers taking her down to the ground floor.
“You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?”
“I certainly do.”
“We’re all here for you.”
“I get that. Thank you. I do appreciate it.” She took another deep breath. Come on. Open up.
“I know this is hard for you. All of the Chaos men are hard.”
“Simon, right now, is not a Chaos man. He’s not anything. He’s living his own life without a care in the world. I saw the footage, Lexie. He’s living it up.” She pressed her lips together. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re angry.”
“I’m fine.”
The elevator doors opened and she quickly stepped out.
Making it toward the main door, she took a deep breath the moment she hit the air.
I can do this.
Why was she struggling now? Why wasn’t she able to keep her shit together? She’d been doing just fine back home. Why was it so hard now?
Pushing all of those thoughts to one side, she focused on just putting one foot in front of the other. Lexie caught up with her just as her cell phone rang. “I’ve got to take this.”
She stopped walking and waited.
“Crap, I’ve got to get to the school. It would seem a bug is going around and well, I’m needed,” Lexie said.
She forced another smile to her lips.
“Will you come around for dinner?” Lexie asked.
“One day soon. I want to get Nathan settled into a routine. This is all new for him and I don’t want to make it harder for him than it has to be.”
“Of course. I completely understand.”
Awkwardness again.
“I better go. Those groceries won’t buy themselves.” Tabitha wanted to kick herself. What the hell was she doing?
Still, she kept on playing along. Lexie suddenly pulled her in for a hug, holding her tightly.
“It’s all going to work out one day. You’ll see and there won’t be any more confusion or pain. I promise.”
Pulling away, she smiled again and headed in the opposite direction. She didn’t have a car and she much preferred to think.
Yeah, you want to think. Every single thought you have is filled with anger.
Closing her eyes, she took a couple of steps, came to a stop, and then focused on her breathing.