Kent shook his head. “I’m not fighting her. She’s too tough for me. Why don’t you go over to the house and tell her yourself? I’m sure she’s home. Or at least she was when I snuck out the back door an hour ago. Sneaking around has been the story of my life lately.”
“Ho, ho, boy. This old rabbit’s foot I carry is real powerful, but not powerful enough to protect me from your aunt. I know better than to tangle with Genia. I figured since you’re family she’d take it easy on ya.”
“Then you’re living in a fantasy world, sir.”
Leon laughed and slapped Kent on the shoulder. “Yep, you’re okay, boy … for a billionaire. Ha-ha! That was the best one ever, Genia going around telling everyone how you’ve got a billion dollars! Why didn’t she go on and say you’re a trillionaire, or a goo-goo-gagillionaire. Ha-ha!”
Kent chuckled. “Aunt Eugenia. She’s a caution.”
Leon laughed some more then glanced at Phae. “So how do you know our girl here?”
“I met her the other day when she replanted Aunt Eugenia’s garden.”
“Don’t get any ideas about her, if you know what I’m saying. Yeah, she’s good-looking enough and she’s got a good heart, but when it comes to men, she’s mean, boy. Real mean. She doesn’t take no pity on a man, I hear, and seen some of it myself. She’ll tear ya down and leave ya whimperin’ before you can count to ten.”
Kent glanced in question at the glowering Phae.
“She doesn’t care about a man’s ego,” Leon continued, settling into his blustering tale, rocking back and forth on the balls of his big feet. “And she’s too darned independent. We gave up years ago on the hopes of her marryin’ and settlin’ down. When my mother died, she left all her money to Phae so she’d be taken care of in her old age. The rest of us were okay with that, we’re all that sure about our Phae. Why, one time this fellow took a liking to her and we all had high hopes that maybe somebody could handle her, but she knocked him down a peg or—”
“I’d like to knock you off, Uncle Leon,” Phae broke in. “I thought you said you were in a hurry to get back to work.”
“Did I? Oh, all right, girl. Don’t get mean on me.” He winked at Phae and gave Kent a hearty handshaking. “Well, as they say, hardware waits for no man. I’d best get back to the store. See you around, boy. Be careful that aunt of yours doesn’t catch you AWOL.”
Phae and Kent watched his retreating bear-like figure.
“Well, that was a new one,” Kent said.
Phae winced. She needed to have a talk with her uncle about his opinions. “He’s a little eccentric. Also, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
Kent blinked in wonderment. “Do you mean to tell me that hardware will wait for a man?”
Phae grinned. “You know what I mean.”
“Don’t look now, but I think we’re getting more visitors.” Kent motioned toward three teenage boys nearing the table.
Phae sighed. Family. She had way too much of it in Zeke’s Bend.
“Hi there, cuz,” said the tallest of the three, Jackson. “Whatcha doin?”
Phae introduced Jackson, Tonio and Neptune. They were fourteen years old, cousins, good-looking kids and about the biggest scoundrels in the entire Jones family. Good thing they were likable or everyone might have worried more over them.
Tonio had a mischievous gleam in his eye. “You don’t need to tell us who this guy is. We’ve heard all about him.”
“That’s right,” Neptune added. “So, Kent, you run into any poles lately?”
The three boys burst into laughter. Kent smiled.
Phae leveled a scolding look at them. “Get out of here, you jokers. Don’t you have a lawn to mow or something?”
“We’re just having some fun, Phae. Don’t get all mean on us,” Jackson said, cowering in fake fear.
“So Kent,” Tonio said, “we heard what Uncle Leon was telling you and—”
“Heck, people on the sidewalk heard him,” Neptune said.
“Uncle Leon’s right, you know,” Jackson continued. “Phae sends all the men running. We like her okay, but she can be pretty mean when she gets going. If you thought that pole was hard, wait until you butt heads with Phae.”
The boys roared in glee, Phae got half out of her chair. The scoundrels ran out of the cafe, still laughing like hyenas.
“My family is loaded with comedians,” Phae said.
“And this cafe is filled with your family,” Kent said. “How many more can I expect?”
“No telling. Half the town is related to me in some way or other. You do know, don’t you, that it was an ancestor of mine who founded this town, Zeke Jones.”
“I didn’t know. So I’m sitting with local royalty, am I?”
“That’s right. And I’ll appreciate it if you bow next time before you speak to me.”
“Warning heard.”
“But not heeded, I bet.”
“So who was Zeke Jones?”
Phae liked to tell the story of her family in Zeke’s Bend. It was part of the connection she felt to the town and the people in it. “He was a trapper and trader. He’d winter in the hills and in the summer he’d sell his furs out of a little trading post he set up on a bend in the Elk River. Did a decent business with the river traffic they had back then.”
“Eventually, he got married and had lots of children,” she continued, “and they settled the area. It’s a great place to live, so it grew into an actual town. And now you see it, heavily over-populated with Zeke Jones’ descendants, like me.”
“You speak about it like you own the place, in a good way.”
“I guess so. It feels like it belongs to me, small and podunky though it might be.”
“I wouldn’t call it podunky,” he said. “Oh, looks like more Joneses are coming our way.”
Phae glanced in the direction he was looking. “Two of my great aunts, Charmaine and Chelly. They’re sweet. They’ll probably flutter around you and pat your head. Hope we don’t run into Great-Great-Great-Aunt Elfleda. She’s ninety-six and still going strong. Sees through people like they’re screen doors.”
Kent groaned. “Exactly how much family do you have in this town?”
“Let me put it this way—don’t say anything bad about anyone in Zeke’s Bend. We’re practically all connected in one way or another.”
“I’m beginning to see why you’re so mean and crotchety.”
“I’m not mean and crotchety. I simply tell it like I see it.”
“Too bad,” Kent said with an exaggerated forlorn expression on his face. “It so happens that I like mean, crotchety women. Now introduce me to your aunts.”
Thirty minutes later, Phae signed with relief as the last of her relatives left the cafe. She’d endured three more aunts, a great-uncle, two cousins and two second-cousins.
Every one of them had enlightened Kent about Phae’s lack of womanliness. One of her aunts had even gone so far as to apologize to Kent for Phae’s rudeness, adding that even if Phae hadn’t been rude yet, she most certainly would be, and she hoped he’d accept a general Jones family apology in advance.
It had been an embarrassing thirty minutes, but Phae raised her chin. Much of what had been said was true, and if it sent Kent running, then good riddance.
Oh, but she’d miss him. Especially those strong, thick arms that she hadn’t gotten the opportunity to touch. And the silky, raven black hair. She wouldn’t mind running her fingers through it.
“Was that all of them?” Kent asked. “Your whole family?”
“Not even close. Today was a slow day. One of my cousins owns this cafe.”
“So, have you ever added all of them up? And don’t include the far-fetched ones like second cousins twice removed.”
“I’ve never counted,” Phae replied. “My grandpa had twelve brothers and sisters, and my dad has ten brothers and sisters. Some of the older ones have died, and not everyone stayed in Zeke’s Bend, though most did and had their own big fa
milies. Now their children have grown up and had children. Oh, I don’t know. A couple hundred probably, not counting all the connections through marriage.”
Phae laughed at his aghast expression. “Calm down, Kent. Zeke’s Bend has around 5,000 people in it. I was only joking about us being half the population.”
“Yeah, but when you start thinking about it, really thinking about how many people you’re related to by marriage, and other extensions like step-siblings and so on, the numbers get staggering. I didn’t know you came from such a long line of overactive breeders.”
“Breeders.” Phae rolled her eyes. “What a word. Funny thing is though, I don’t have any brothers or sisters. And my parents moved to Boston when Dad retired from the Post Office.”
“No siblings for me, either. Other than my parents, my only other relative is Aunt Eugenia. She’s my father’s sister.”
“Were you lonely growing up?”
“Not really. My parents traveled and were often away from home, but we had a lot of servants and I had a wonderful nanny.”
“So you were a rich little boy. Sounds lonely, though, being without your parents.”
Kent paused for a second. “It might sound strange, but it wasn’t that bad. And when my parents were home, they were really home. They spent time with me. Why did your parents move to Boston?”