Ian’s words ran through her mind in a loop. They rang true. He was her baby’s uncle and only family besides her. She wasn’t ready for annual Christmas dinners in Scotland, but knowing Ian couldn’t hurt. “What about your job?”
“I can take some time off, and anything my staff can’t handle they can call me for.”
Lizzy nodded and tried to convince herself that everything would be all right. “Okay, we can try it your way.”
A wide grin spread across Ian’s lips that made him look like a giddy school boy despite the hair on his cheeks and above his lip. It was infectious, spreading to Lizzy’s lips as she tried her first vinegar-sprinkled chip, discovering it gave the fries a pleasant zip without the syrupy sweetness of ketchup. “Not bad. You know back home they say the food in Scotland is weird.”
“What do they know?” Ian waved a hand to dismiss the proverbial strangers and plucked another chip from his nearly empty tray.
“Enough to give travel advice.”
“Yeah well, it’s easy advice to follow when your host can’t cook.”
“Ah, so you’re not just taking me on a culinary tour of Scotland.”
“Just a tour of takeaway restaurants between here and my office.” Ian put his tray back in the bag and tented his fingers. “But if you want a tour of Scotland, I’d be happy to arrange it. I can even help you set up shop here. Give the little one some roots.”
Lizzy hesitated as her mind searched for a way to refuse Ian without offending him. She settled on the truth. “I can’t stay here, Ian. I don’t mind getting to know you, or having you in the baby’s life, but I have a life in New York. I’m taking too much time away from it as it is.”
Of course, life in New York was all work all the time. For Lizzy, life was show openings at any of the dozens of galleries dotting Manhattan and Brooklyn. It was days spent putting together portfolios to pass to her boss, knowing she would steal the credit with the client later. It was late-night dinners of whatever happened to be in her fridge that would fill her stomach until she grabbed a mega-sized coffee and bagel on her way back into the office.
She didn’t love the job or her erratic schedule, but it was part of her and had been for so long she didn’t know any other way. It was all over now. That life had been fine for her as a single woman, but it wouldn’t be once the baby was born.
Disappointment pushed the boyish grin from Ian’s face, but there was no sign of offense as if he’d expected her answer despite hoping for a different outcome.
“I understand,” he said. “I won’t bring it up again.”
Ian stayed true to his word. He didn’t bring it up again that night. In fact, he didn’t say much of anything while she finished her dinner. He switched the television to light sitcom. Lizzy found herself grateful each time his laughter pierced the silence of the room. Things didn’t seem so bad when he laughed. Lizzy watched him as the show continued.
“I just realized something,” she said. “You’re exactly like your brother.”
“How so?”
“Oh you know, the mannerisms. Your laugh. The way you can’t resist being a nice guy even when you have no real reason to. Just like him. It must run in the family.”
“Gerard was known for being a fun guy, but I can’t remember anyone telling me he was a nice guy. He was never deliberately cruel, but he could be…careless with others’ emotions.” Ian shook his head. “I’m glad he showed you a different side. No. Gerard wasn’t...I mean, he....” Ian looked away as tears seemed to be on the verge of spilling from his eyes again.
The grief was still fresh for him, though he covered it so well that Lizzy had forgotten he’d just lost his brother. Lizzy had said her angry goodbyes to Gerard months ago when she still knew him as Ian. While the grief had seemed fresh the day she’d gone to Ian’s office, she reminded herself that she’d never really expected to see him again. Life wasn’t a fairytale. Even if she’d hoped for a reunion, she didn’t expect one. Now she didn’t know how to feel. How could she mourn a man she hadn’t known?
She reached for Ian’s hand to comfort him. He looked at her, his hazel eyes watery and rimmed in red. For the longest time he just stared at her in silence, now and then sniffling quietly.
His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke. “I should let you get some rest.” He’d left the room before she could think of anything to say.
Lizzy pressed her head back into the soft pillow and closed her eyes. The idea of a new family, a new start, appealed to her, but her inability to navigate a simple dinner conversation without hurting Ian’s feelings just proved that she wasn’t ready for that level of closeness. It would be better for both of them when she went back to New York. When they could both put their memories to rest.