In fact, it would be best if she told that bitch, then she would know that her fate was sealed. The torment she would feel over the next week or two would only add to the suffering she deserved to feel.
Roger imagined Raina on her knees begging him to forgive her. He would be benevolent towards her, tell her she could earn a reprieve, and invite her back to a hotel room; his own home was too good for the likes of her. Once there, he would tie her up and humiliate her, using her body in ways she did not know existed.
His nerves taut with unreleased tension and excitement, his mood now upbeat with anticipation, Roger decided to go to his favorite casino. He had a lot to celebrate.
He had found a way out of his current problem of Christian suspecting that there was some theft at the hotel, and he would punish that bitch Raina at the same time.
He had limited his visits to the casino to twice a week, but hell, life was short and when one got a chance to celebrate, champagne, a few whores, and a couple of table games were in order.
8
The two women sat staring each other from across Kelly’s desk, both aware of the implications of what Raina had just said.
“He left with those exact words—you’ll pay for it!” Raina said her voice shaky. Kelly’s stricken face did not console Raina.
“I’m getting fired aren’t I? What will I do? It’s my word against his—and he has the money to pay for the best lawyers in the world. How will I pay my mortgage? What about the kids?” Raina said, the image of her and the kids sleeping in the car floating in her mind.
She remembered the unpaid medical bills that came without fail every month, growing bigger until the last one she hadn’t dared to open. Raina’s hands shook badly. She had made the last payment almost two months ago and she had intended to make another at the end of the month.
“You’re getting ahead of yourself, Raina.” Kelly said, though her voice did not have any conviction.
“But it’s what you’re thinking too isn’t it?” Raina demanded even knowing that she was being unfair.
Kelly closed her eyes. “I’m not sure whether to tell you this or not, but I will.”
“What is it? Have you heard something?” Raina said, all air leaving her chest. Kelly licked her lips and seemed to gather courage. It was worse than Raina thought. If Kelly knew what had happened before she told her then it was only a matter of time before the official letter of dismissal arrived.
“Roger was just here … and from what you’ve said, you really pissed him off. He implied that your job would be open soon and that if I was good to him he’d see that I got it. I told him in not so many words that I wasn’t interested.” Kelly bit her lip, and Raina could tell she didn’t know who felt worse between the two of them.
Raina groaned and felt tears flood her eyes. She kept going over what had happened in her office and wondered if she could have handled it in a better way.
She had known immediately that she had wounded his pride, and how dangerous that was. It was why she had never rejected him before. She recalled the feeling of being unable to breathe and when he had kissed her she had gone crazy.
Now, she paced up and down in the office, her brain frantically searching for solutions but none came. Her fate was more or less decided, she was certain. She certainly wouldn’t even end up with a good reference either. Damn it.
“But Raina, remember that you haven’t done anything wrong! If anything, you … you ought to sue that bastard for sexual harassment!” Kelly made the pronouncement as though it wasn’t something they had already discussed between them a million times.
“And ruin all my chances of ever finding another job? Who wants to hire someone who has sued their employer? You think whatever lawyer I could find and pay for would ever beat one of his?” Raina snapped, her brown eyes blazing with fury. Then, her shoulders slumped and she remembered who she was talking to. “I’m sorry, I’m taking it out on you.”
“It’s understandable.”
Raina knew that suing was not an option. She had seen what happened to women who sued their bosses in the city. They were blacklisted and no other company would hire them. She knew two women who had been forced to relocate and start afresh elsewhere, both losing whatever positions they had gained in the process. One woman she knew couldn’t even get a job flipping burgers and had to rely on the kindness of relatives. Raina couldn’t do that to the kids.… And it’s not like they had any relatives to rely on anyway.
She would rather bear the shame herself. She had been fighting to stop herself from self-blame. She had gone over her own behavior when she was with Roger, looking for signs she may have unknowingly given him to make him believe that she was interested in him. She had come up with nothing because she knew deep down he was just a sick man.
Something clicked in Raina’s brain and she glanced at her wrist watch.
“Damn it!” she cried out, rushing to the door. “I’m late, the kids may already be home and they’ll be worried if I’m not there.” Raina waved to Kelly, grabbed her purse and ran to her car.
When she got there she jammed the key into the ignition, turning it sharply. The engine sputtered and died.
“Today of all days!” Raina yelled. She banged her hands against the steering wheel and let out a primal scream.
The tears now flowed freely as her panic increased. It would take her at least half an hour to get home if she took the bus. She forced herself to calm down.
“Please I beg you.” she whispered to anyone who might be listening up there. She wasn’t sure what she was begging for, but she knew she needed help. A lot of help.
She tried the car again, turning and turning the key, hoping that this time would be the time that it worked.