I ran my hands across the many different fabrics of clothing hanging in my closet, contemplating on what I wanted to wear for the day. I had finally had the chance to sleep in for once, without Marie or someone else barging in to wake me up at some ungodly hour. I was pregnant, for Pete's sake! What was with trying to get me up and going so early? Shouldn't I be allowed to sleep in until nine o'clock? Even Julien had a bad habit of doing that.
My hand went to my belly, absentmindedly rubbing small circles around it, waiting. Just a few days ago I had finally begun to feel the baby kick, and it scared me to death. Of course I got over that real fast, and since then have been enjoying poking around, trying to get the little guy to get moving. I don't know what it was, but I just had this feeling that I’m having a boy. I used to joke around with women when they had that feeling that they knew, because really, how could you know? The answer is that you just do sometimes. And I felt like maybe this was one of those times.
"Fifteen weeks along, and you're already such a big deal to me," I said out loud, speaking to the baby. The resounding feeling of popcorn bursting forth in my abdomen made me giggle. It was as if he knew what to say, without saying anything. He was a smart little guy.
After I got dressed, I eagerly headed to meet up with Gervaise in the kitchen. Which seemed to be my new favorite place, especially now that the morning sickness has faded away. God, I had never been so happy or relieved in my life. For the most part, anyway.
The scent of blueberries filled my nose way before and made it to the end of the hall where the kitchen was. I deeply inhaled the air, knowing right away that it involved blueberry muffins, a staple of my diet as of late. I wasn't sure what it was, but something about the berries had been making my mouth water since Gervaise first served some up to me a few weeks back. I smiled at him as I made it in through the door, giving him a little curtsy as I liked to do to thank him for making me yet another delicious meal.
Gervaise didn't have a family of his own, so he lived in private quarters at the château serving up food whenever I wanted. I didn't know exactly why that pleased him so much, because cooking definitely wasn't my thing, but hey at least he seemed happy. He wasn’t a man of many words, but I was definitely thankful for him.
"You keep feeding me like this and I might give birth to a muffin..."
He smiled, placing the silverware by my plate at the table and gesturing me to have a seat.
I sat down carefully, throwing my legs over the seat. After a few bites of food, someone placed their hand on my shoulder and I spun around to see Julien standing there.
I picked up my fork, stabbing a piece of the chicken and trying to give him a bite. "Want some? C'est magnifique!" I exclaimed, wiggling my eyebrows at him with my fancy French. Usually that got a couple chuckles out of him, but Julien just shrugged it off.
"No thank you love. I'm not really in the mood for eating at the moment."
He slid his hand off my shoulder and walked away, muttering to himself.
Well. That was really weird.
I let out a sigh, seriously over his down in the dumps attitude. I had no idea what had been going on in his mind, as he had rarely spoken to me about much besides my weekly appointments with Dr. Thibodeau. If it had anything to do with me or something that wasn't revolving around the baby, it didn't seem to register on Julien's radar…
I could see he loved me of course. I saw it in the way he touched me when he rubbed my stomach. I felt it in every kiss.
But I knew something was wrong…
"Julien? I know you're not hungry and all, but would you mind sitting down to spend time with me while I eat lunch? I feel like I've barely seen you today."
He turned away from Gervaise, who gave me a softened look of his own, and Julien bit his lip. That right there told me that he really wasn't going to talk, and that maybe there was no point in trying to get him to.
But he still walked over to me, patting my shoulder again as he did. "I apologize. I'd love to spend more time with you, it's just that there are a lot of things going on . . . work-related, you see. I was actually just asking Gervaise if he would mind setting up a catering event at the end of the month for a possible gathering of the board members here."
I huffed. That was one of my least favorite parts about this whole arrangement—the work. Julien had been more active in his job than ever it seemed, even though he was greatly displeased by it. He used to have pretty much the run of whatever he wanted to do, but lately whether he had been signing himself up for it or not, he had much more responsibility. And that meant less time for me and the baby.
He must've seen the gears working in my head, coming to that very same conclusion. He sat down next to me, swinging his legs so that he was straddling the bench. "Please don't be angry with me. I know it seems like I might be avoiding you . . . I'm really not. I just have so much on my plate right now, and I don't want to upset my family by shirking my duties with the company. As much as I would love to be doing pretty much anything else, I have a legacy to uphold for future genreations... For our child…”
I wasn't above pouting, even as Julien was definitely getting immune to it by now. He ran his thumb over my lips, shaking his head at me as he laughed. "You can try all you want, Amira. It won't get you anywhere today. I need to focus now so I can take some time off when our child comes."
I tried to smile at him, but beneath his joking manner, I could still feel the hum of disappointment. I just didn't know where it was coming from, and even though he was claiming he was just stressed out from work, I knew that wasn't all.
Julien hopped up, giving me one last kiss before heading out the kitchen. I wasn't really sure how to feel at the moment. Even the muffins weren’t making me feel any better.
I looked out the window to see a small breeze making the short tufts of grass dance. It'd been so long since I'd gone outside just to admire the beauty of the valley we lived in, that I thought about doing just that. Maybe it would clear my mind.
I cleaned up after myself, the dishes clinking together as I set them inside the sink to quickly wash them off. Of course Gervaise wasn't having that, and shooed me away before I even got a chance to break out the dish soap.
I couldn't complain, washing dishes was my absolute least favorite chore if I had to choose. And it had been so long since I actually had to do them that maybe I was getting a little spoiled. I vowed to myself to wake up early one morning and clean the kitchen even before Gervaise woke up, just to surprise him. I couldn't help but laugh when I wondered what his reaction to that might be.
When the breeze from outside finally hit me as I made it out the entrywa
y, I closed my eyes, enjoying it. Sometimes it's the small things about nature that really help you feel put together again. That was something I never had back in the city, and it was something that I was very grateful for now.
The faint scent of horses caught my attention. They had been sent off for training and the estate wasn’t the same in their absence. Without the large, framing bodies occupying the stables, the building seemed lonely and sad. In fact I hated being anywhere near it, because it also made me lonely and sad and really I had no reason to feel like that anymore.