"Guess this gives awkward a whole new meaning," she offered. "You look like you'd rather have a battle with a tarantula."
A strangled laugh echoed in the air, but he still didn't meet her gaze. "We're definitely on unfamiliar ground. I've never done this before."
"Had wild sex with a woman?"
"Had wild sex with my best friend."
"I'm still your friend," she said quietly.
He sighed. "I know. But I wonder now if I'll always want more."
She sucked in her breath. He turned. Gen ached to touch him, smooth the worried frown from his brow, but they needed the distance. "What if you could have more?" Her heart pounded as she threw the words out. An invitation to her heart and soul. No RSVP needed. Just show up and claim. She was so stupid. She so didn't care.
Slowly, the hope and life drained from his expression, and a bone-numbing grief took hold. "I can't, Gen," he said. His arms lifted in supplication and surrender. "I can't give you what you need."
"How do you know? Maybe all I need is for you to try."
"And ruin our friendship? Turn something good into pain and resentment? Because that's what I do well. I can't get close, tell you who I am. I never will. I'm only half a man, and how can that be good enough for you? One day you'll hate me, and we won't be able to go back. If we stop now, we can salvage the good stuff."
She hated his rationality and the excuses he made without trying. She hated him not wanting to fight for her, for them, for himself. Something terrible had happened to him, and he seemed to accept he'd never get past it. And since he refused to share, it was like fighting a ghost. Loss slumped her shoulders. No. She wouldn't beg anymore for something he didn't want to give her. Never again.
"How?" she asked. "How do we move forward?"
He took a step closer. "Let me stay a little longer. Give me a chance to get back to friendship."
A humorless laugh escaped. "Are you kidding? Living together is what made this whole friendship thing change between us. You have to move out."
He shook his head stubbornly. "No. I don't trust David not to pull something else. With a restraining order against me, it means he can't get near you while I'm here. I'll give you space, Gen. I'll prove we're meant to be better as friends. I swear."
She groaned and buried her face in her palms. Ridiculous. All he had to do was walk in the room and she wanted him. Did he really think she could forget the most amazing sex of her life and get back to beer, darts, and being buddies?
The voice inside her gut screamed, But it's what he needs. Losing her would damage him. Damage her. She couldn't walk away. If they both tried, maybe they could exorcise that one night and change it into something good. A bonding experience. She heard Kate's high-pitched voice yelling in her ear that she was batshit crazy, but what else could she do? If it didn't work out, she'd make him go back to his apartment.
You want him here. You'd use any excuse to keep him close.
So what? She'd get over it. Now that she knew there was no way for anything more between them, maybe she'd be able to let it go.
Lie.
Leave me alone.
"And if it doesn't work?"
His face reflected pure stubborn lines and an implacable determination. "It will. I'll never forget last night. You showed me things that were--" He broke off, but she needed him to finish.
"Were what?"
"Special." His lips tightened. "Beautiful."
Tears clogged her throat. She swallowed past the burn. "But you don't want to try?"
"No."
His word exploded like gunfire. She wanted to yell and scream and cry. Shake him, beg him, hit him. Instead, she accepted because she had no other options left.
"We'll try for another week. Eventually, you need to go home to your real life." Gen ignored his wince, reminding herself he'd been the one to choose the course. "If I'm uncomfortable, you have to promise to leave."
"I will. I swear I'll make it right."
She nodded, but he knew she didn't believe him. Not anymore.
Gen went back to her pastry, but this time she didn't make a sound.
GEN KNOCKED AND OPENED the door. Kate was muttering to herself, surrounded by files, and her dog, Robert, lay quietly on a worn doggy bed in the corner, sleeping in the sun. At the sight of her, the dog lifted his head and wagged his tail, canine joy vibrating his body as he rose and scrambled over to her for a greeting. His hind legs were paralyzed, but that didn't slow him as he dragged his rear over the floor and threw himself into her arms. She'd seen him fifteen minutes ago, but each time was like the first joyous encounter.
Gen laughed, bent down, and caught him. Pressing kisses to his head, she allowed his presence to reach deep inside and soothe her. Kate had rescued Robert years ago when she found him on the side of the road, run over twice by a car. His back legs had been smashed. With Kate's usual stubbornness and all-encompassing love for creatures big and small, she'd committed to his operation and healing, and now had a companion for life.
Besides Slade, of course.
Gen had seen Slade with the dog, and a tight bond had been formed between them. The path might have been rocky, but now it was as if they were an adopted family. Seeing Kate settled and happy made everything worth it.
"Do you want me to take him for a walk? You have his scooter here, right?" Gen asked, rubbing the sweet spot between his ears. He gave a doggy moan of ecstasy.
Kate sighed. "Thanks, but he's good for a while. My sitter couldn't come today so I figured I'd give him a treat and take him with me. Slade has court so he won't be home till late."
"Sounds good. You look stressed. Anything I can help with?"
"You've already been saving my ass. Thank God for brilliant surgeons who turn to matchmaking. Hey, you want to shadow Kennedy tonight at the Purple Haze? There's a mixer and you can learn the ropes."
"Sure. I have nothing else going on." The thought of Wolfe trying to reinforce their friendship when she only craved to jump his bones was a bit complicated. Better to get home late.
Gen rose to her feet, wincing at the soreness lingering between her thighs, and turned.
"Holy. Shit."
She whirled back around. "What's the matter?"
Kate's gaze sharpened, sweeping past her figure. "Why are you wearing a scarf today, Gen?"
Her mouth fell open. The bright pink silk was light, fun, and covered the array of hickeys on her neck. Her heart pounded wildly but she tried to be cool. "Thought it looked good with the outfit. Why? You have a rule against scarves?"
The joke fell flat. "Take it off. I want to see something."
She forced a laugh. "No. It's hard to tie it correctly."
"You had sex! Why didn't you tell me the truth? I know you decided not to see Charles anymore, but I had no idea it was because you slept with him. How was it? Bad? Good? Medium? Do you regret it? Are you happy? Did you have an orgasm?"
The questions peppered her faster than a machine gun. Crap. She'd been so close to escape. After dodging Kate's texts on Sunday, she marched into her office this morning to tell her all about the date. Gen stuck to the main truth, saying the date had been good but they both decided not to pursue a relationship. Her friend took the news good-naturedly, telling her over and over that finding the right match took patience, time, and effort.
Now she thought they'd screwed each other.
"Umm, Charles and I didn't have sex."
Kate blinked. Studied her hard. "Wait a minute. I know you're hiding evidence under that scarf. You've been walking funny all day, but I thought it was the shoes. Even your lips have that pouty look that says you've been sucking on something for a long time. I know you had sex, I feel it!"
Why did Kate have to be so damn perceptive? Should she lie? She played the privacy card as a last resort. "Kate, please don't ask me any questions. I'm not ready to discuss my personal business, and I'd appreciate it if you give me some time and space and I'll give you more information when I'm ready
."
Perfect. Textbook. Even Kate couldn't deny her.
Her friend picked up the phone and punched out numbers. "Kennedy? Get in here pronto. And get Arilyn. I'm with Gen and she had sex and she won't tell me details. Yes, of course we need the Baileys!"
Kate crossed her arms in front of her chest, leaned back in the leather chair, and glared. "Why don't you try repeating that bullshit again?"
Gen closed her eyes in defeat.
The door flew open. Kennedy held four bottles of miniature Baileys in her manicured hands. Her high heels clicked confidently over the floor, and her Donna Karan chocolate-colored suit screamed professional elegance. Arilyn trailed behind her in yoga pants, a soft cream tunic, and her long strawberry hair pulled back in a braid. She looked about twelve.
Robert claimed his affection by both women, then slid back over to his bed to nap.
Kennedy handed everyone a bottle, slid into the purple cushioned chair to Kate's right, crossed her legs, and twisted open the cap.
"Who'd you have sex with, Gen?"
Arilyn shook her head and sighed. "Kennedy, give her some time to feel comfortable and open up. You're scaring her."
Kennedy snorted. "She's a doctor. She doesn't scare easy. She's also lying to us, which is a big no-no."
"You lied to us," Arilyn pointed out. "Remember when you were dating Nate and refused to admit your feelings for him?"
Kennedy waved her hand in the air. "Doesn't count. I was lying to myself, not you guys. Who'd you have sex with, Gen?"
It was over. Might as well admit defeat.
Gen opened the bottle, took a long drink of Baileys, and embraced the stinging heat as it hit her belly.