Shen noticed his stare. Noticed it right as Chaol hesitated at the arm and shoulder Shen offered to aid him in dismounting.
The guard said in Chaol’s own tongue, “I helped you just fine before you knew, Lord Westfall.”
Something like shame, perhaps something deeper, cracked through him.
Chaol made himself brace a hand on the man’s shoulder—the same shoulder that housed the metal arm. Found the strength beneath to be unwavering as Shen assisted him into the awaiting chair.
And when Chaol was seated in it, staring at the guard as the stable hands led his horse away, Shen explained, “I lost it a year and a half ago. There was an attack on Prince Arghun’s life when he visited a vizier’s estate, a rogue band from a disgruntled kingdom. I lost it during the fight. Yrene worked on me when I returned—I was one of her first considerable healings. She managed to repair as much as she could from here upward.” He pointed to right below his elbow, then up his shoulder.
Chaol studied the hand that was so lifelike within the glove he could not notice the difference, save for the fact that it did not move at all.
“Healers can do many wonders,” Shen said, “but growing limbs from thin air …” A soft laugh. “That is beyond their skill—even one such as Yrene.”
Chaol didn’t know what to say. Apologies felt wrong, but …
Shen smiled down at him—with no trace of pity. “It has taken me a long time to get to this place,” he said a bit quietly.
Chaol knew he didn’t mean the skilled use of his artificial arm.
Shen added, “But know that I did not get here alone.”
The unspoken offer shone in the guard’s brown eyes. Unbroken, this man before him. No less of a man for his injury, for finding a new way to move through the world.
And—Shen had stayed on as a guard. As one of the most elite palace guards in the world. Not from any pity of the others, but through his own merit and will.
Chaol still couldn’t find the right words to convey what coursed through him.
Shen nodded as if he understood that, too.
It was a long trip back to his suite. Chaol didn’t mark the faces he passed, the sounds and smells and streams of wind wending through the halls.
He returned to the rooms to find his note to Nesryn sitting on the foyer table. Unread.
It was enough to chase any other thoughts from his mind.
Heart thundering, his fingers shook as he picked up his unread, unseen letter.
But then he spotted the letter beneath it. His name written in her handwriting.
He ripped it open, reading the few lines.
He read it twice. Thrice.
He set it down on the table and stared at her open bedroom door. The silence leaking from it.
He was a bastard.
He’d dragged her here. Had nearly gotten her killed in Rifthold so many times, had implied so much about the two of them, and yet—
He didn’t let himself finish the thought. He should have been better. Treated her better. No wonder she’d flown off to the ruk aeries to help Sartaq find any sort of information on the Valg history in this land—or their own.
Shit. Shit.
She might not hold him to any promises, but he … He held himself to them.
And he had let this thing between them go on, had used her like some crutch—
Chaol blew out a breath, crumpling Nesryn’s letter and his own in his fist.
Perhaps he had not slept well in that tiny room at the physicians’ compound, accustomed to far larger and finer accommodations, Yrene told herself that afternoon. It would explain his few words. The lack of smiling.
She’d had one on her face when she’d entered Chaol’s suite after lunch. She’d explained her progress to Hafiza, who had been very pleased indeed. Even giving Yrene a kiss on her brow before she left. Practically skipping here.
Until she entered and found it quiet.
Found him quiet.
“Are you feeling well?” Yrene asked casually as she hid the books he’d brought back with him that morning.
“Yes.”
She leaned against the desk to study where Chaol sat on the gold couch.
“You have not exercised in a few days.” She angled her head. “The rest of your body, I mean. We should do it now.”
For people accustomed to physical activity every day, going without for so long could feel like ripping an addict off a drug. Disoriented, restless. He’d kept up the exercises for his legs, but the rest … perhaps it was what clawed at him.
“All right.” His eyes were glazed, distant.
“Here, or one of the guards’ training facilities?” She braced herself for the shutdown.
But Chaol just said flatly, “Here is fine.”
She tried again. “Perhaps being around the other guards will be beneficial to—”
“Here is fine.” Then he moved himself onto the floor, sliding his body away from the couch and low-lying table and to the open carpet. “I need you to brace my feet.”
Yrene checked her irritation at the tone, the outright refusal. But she still said as she knelt before him, “Have we really gone back to that place?”
He ignored her question and launched into a series of upward curls, his powerful body surging up, then down. One, two, three … She lost count around sixty.
He didn’t meet her stare each time he rose up over his bent knees.
It was natural, for the emotional healing to be as difficult as the physical. For there to be hard days—hard weeks, even. But he’d been smiling when she’d left him last night, and—
“Tell me what happened. Something happened today.” Her tone was perhaps not quite as gentle as a healer’s ought to be.
“Nothing happened.” The words were a push of air as he kept moving, sweat sliding down the column of his neck and into the white shirt beneath.
Yrene clenched
her jaw, counting quietly in her head. Snapping would do neither of them any good.
Chaol eventually turned onto his stomach and began another set that required her to hold his feet in a position that would keep him slightly aloft.
Up and down, down and up. The sleek muscles of his back and arms bunched and rippled.
He went through six other exercises, then started the entire set again.
Yrene supported and held and watched in simmering silence.
Let him have his space. Let him think through it, if that’s what he wants.
Damn what he wants.
Chaol finished a set, his breathing ragged, chest heaving as he stared up at the ceiling.
Something sharp and driving flickered across his face, as if in silent answer to something. He lurched upward to begin the next set—
“That’s enough.”
His eyes flashed, meeting hers at last.
Yrene didn’t bother looking pleasant or understanding. “You’ll do yourself an injury.”
He glared toward where she had stabilized his bent knees and curled upward again. “I know my limits.”
“And so do I,” she snapped, jerking her chin toward his legs. “You might hurt your back if you keep this up.”
He bared his teeth—the temper vicious enough that she let go of his feet. His arms shot out to brace him as he slid backward, but she lunged, grabbing for his shoulders to keep him from slamming to the ground.
His sweat-drenched shirt soaked into her fingers, his breathing rasping in her ear as she confirmed he wasn’t about to fall. “I’ve got it,” he growled in her ear.
“Forgive me if I don’t take your word for it,” she snipped, assessing for herself that he indeed could support himself before she withdrew and settled herself a few feet away on the carpet.
In silence, they glared at each other. “Exercising your body is vital,” Yrene said, her words clipped, “but you will do more harm than good if you push yourself too hard.”