He was asking the impossible, though this was what she had dreamed of. She had always longed to be part of Cade’s plan, but her dreams had included him. But if this was all then at least she could be useful; she could put her nursing experience to proper use…She could be with Cade, working at his side…
And that would lead where? her cynical inner voice demanded.
Maybe nowhere, but the cause Cade was championing was far bigger than her concerns. She had moved past the fairy tale to reality the day she had bolted from her own wedding, and now it was up to her to sort her life out, and no one could do that for her, not even Cade.
She looked so sad his instinct was to go to her and hug her, but he had forfeited that right on the day he’d allowed Liv to walk away from him. If he stood any chance of getting her back now he must forget what had happened between them—but how could he do that when she was so pale and hurt and shaken? The Liv he knew would have stood up to him, but in one week she had changed utterly, and he accepted full responsibility. He didn’t need to ask where her spark had gone. Glancing back towards Liv’s family home, he knew it had been beaten out of her with harsh words and a lesser woman’s contempt. Anger surged inside him at the thought of what he had allowed Liv to endure. The desire to defend all those under his protection meant he had to hold back from marching up to that house full of shadows to tell Liv’s mother she didn’t deserve such a lovely daughter…
A lovely daughter…
He blinked and pulled himself round. A glance at his wrist-watch told him there was no time to do this as he might have liked. The ballroom was a shambles and a regimental dinner was a glittering affair. ‘Liv, you have to come with me now.’
The lines of tension on Cade’s face sparked a dread in Liv. ‘Is there something you aren’t telling me? Cade, what’s wrong?’
‘The army needs me.’
Shock ripped through her. ‘You mean you’re going away again?’
‘No, nothing like that.’
She’d stood up so fast it made her dizzy, but as Cade reached out to steady her she grabbed hold of the metal support and waved him away.
He watched the colour slowly flood back into her face, and then as if she was stiffening her resolve Liv pulled herself erect like a puppet whose strings had been tightened. This was the moment to push her into a decision he suspected she wanted to make. ‘Are you coming with me, or not?’ he said. ‘I need an answer from you now.’
She would have followed him to the ends of the earth and back, but hadn’t she learned her lesson in Acacia Drive? Didn’t she know that blindly following someone else’s plan for her had only left her deeply dissatisfied and had caused nothing but trouble? She was going to live life on her own terms now. ‘I understand what you’re trying to do, but not why I am crucial to your scheme. You don’t need me. You’ll be an inspiration to your soldiers—’
‘Will I?’ Cade cut across her. His expression darkened as he gripped the chains holding the swing.
‘Of course you will—’
‘But first I have to win over the pen-pushers.’
‘They won’t refuse you,’ Liv exclaimed, ‘a war hero—’
Letting go of the chain so it snapped back with a clang, Cade stepped away and Liv sensed a cold mist surrounding him, a mist she couldn’t penetrate. Cade’s army life was like that, shrouded in mystery. His experiences on the battlefield were something he never talked about. ‘What you’ve done must count for something,’ she argued, ‘and if you want to push this plan through,’ she added stubbornly, ‘you’ll have to use everything you’ve got. You are a hero—’
‘They can call me what they like,’ he cut across her, ‘as long as I get the support I need for my soldiers. They need something like this—’
‘And if you spearhead this plan they’ll get it—’
‘You think it’s all so easy, don’t you?’
‘I think it’s anything but easy, but it upsets me to think the medal you won for gallantry counts for nothing where you’re concerned.’
‘It’s a piece of metal in a safe. It won’t bring my soldiers back.’
The grief surrounding him was almost luminous in its intensity. ‘Cade—’
‘I need you,’ he said. ‘I need you to do this one thing for me. I need you at my side at the regimental ball to prove…’ he sucked in a breath ‘…to prove I’m back to normal.’ Having said the words, he grimaced. ‘I need you with me, Liv, to prove I’ve got heart as well as money and facilities.’
Did he have to say all this in such a cold way? ‘So, does this mean you are offering me the job, as well?’
‘You can have my verdict regarding your long-term future after the ball.’
‘Blackmail?’
‘Just my brand of gentle persuasion.’ He signalled a truce with his hands. ‘This is all coming out wrong, Liv. Why don’t I walk you back to the house? We can talk it through as we walk.’
Liv glanced towards Acacia Drive. She had to make the break from home or forget her plans to spread her wings. The position Cade was offering her might not be the answer, but at least it was a start. And, whatever the problems, she still wanted in, if only to help Cade get his scheme off the ground. But she had issues; overwhelming issues that might seem small to Cade and the rest of the world, but which undermined her confidence daily. She was going to ask him to do something for her in return for her cooperation; something so huge, so embarrassing, and with so much risk attached, even she doubted her own sanity. ‘All right,’ she said, firming her jaw, ‘I will come with you, but only if you agree to my conditions.’
‘Go on,’ he said.
Cade’s mood was buoyant. He had no idea what was coming. He held the playground gate for her and, walking through it, she turned onto Acacia Drive. She tried rehearsing the little speech in her head, but it sounded crazy. Cade would think it born of desperation. But then they were both desperate for something, Liv thought, glancing up at him.
‘Well, I’m waiting,’ he pressed.
She swallowed nervously. This was her chance and there would never be a better one. She had to state clearly what she wanted, which was to experience life to the full. She longed for something special in her life, that feeling that for one moment in her life it was she who was standing on the top of the mountain. Maybe the rest would be mediocrity, but before she gave in to that she wanted to shoot for the stars and not settle for the moon. She wanted Cade. She wanted Cade to teach her all there was to know about lovemaking. She realised it wouldn’t be his first choice for a fun night in, but she would try to approach it like the chance it was—because she needed a memory of one night to last her the rest of her life.
‘I’m waiting to hear these conditions of yours,’ he said, unsuspecting.
He was still upbeat, having won his part of the bargain. He expected her to come out with something like, I’d like a new dress, please…Bracing herself, she blurted out, ‘I want to sleep with you.’
‘What?’ He wasn’t sure he had heard her correctly.
Her cheeks were blazing with shame and embarrassment as she pressed on. ‘I want you to spend one night with me and teach me all there is to know about sex…’
CHAPTER TEN
‘YOU want me to what? Offer sex lessons in exchange for your presence at the ball?’ Cade’s scandalised expression said it all; she’d gone too far this time.
‘I’m serious, Cade.’ Liv hardly had chance to get the words out before Cade grabbed hold of her.
‘Tell me I didn’t hear you right.’
‘You did…You did hear me correctly. You need me to accompany you to the ball…Well, that’s my condition.’
Cade shook his head with a look that said the world had gone mad. Then there was an explosion out of which words like ‘insane’…‘cold-blooded’…and ‘blackmail’ were fired at her.
‘Not blackmail, Cade,’ she quietly assured him. ‘This will be a verbal contract between us with benefits on both sides—’
> ‘A verbal contract?’ His laugh had turned ugly. ‘You’re out of your mind!’
‘Maybe,’ Liv agreed. ‘But that’s my condition.’
‘So let me get this right,’ Cade demanded icily. ‘You want me to have sex with you in exchange for your coming to the ball?’
‘Oh, no, Cade,’ Liv told him softly. ‘I’m expecting a lot more of you than that…’
He stifled the urge to roar with anger. He wanted to rant at fate and kick the nearest wall down. He’d found Liv in pieces at her home where she should have been safe. He blamed himself for that, and now this. Didn’t she have any feelings of self-worth? Was he partly to blame for Liv’s state of mind? If that were the case he would never forgive himself.
‘Will you do it?’ she pressed.
To save her from a worse fate, and he had to get her out of here one way or another. He could hardly bear to look into Liv’s steady gaze. He was a novice where bravery was concerned. He had encountered all sorts of courage, but the fact that this good, gentle girl had been made to feel such a failure by so many people, including him, tore at his heart. Yes, he had a heart. He’d just discovered it.
‘I want to help you, Cade, but I need help too—’