Probably the biggest reason I’m a dumbass is because I failed to talk to Mac that night at her apartment. Instead, I let that monster-size ego take over, convinced I could f**k Mac into submission. Convinced if I gave her the motherload of all orgasms, that she would forget about her silly ideas of wanting a relationship.
If I had just sat down and listened to her, I would not be sitting here in my office right now, kicking myself in the ass. No, I would have had a reasonable and intelligent conversation with Mac about the fact that I just don’t want anything deeper than what we have. She is a reasonable and intelligent woman. She would have listened and respected my position, just as I respect her position to want more.
I don’t like it, but I respect it.
Big difference.
But no, the biggest screw up was in eating her out versus talking to her. And if I were really a man… one that could meet my problems head on, I could have just been f**king honest with her and said, “Mac… I’ve been hurt badly in the past, and I have these barriers up to protect myself. I just can’t let them down. ”
But no… again… Biggest. Dumbass. History. World.
This week has been f**king miserable… staying away from Mac. It’s not just the sex, although that is a large part of it. You remember when I told you things like Hottest. Woman. Ever and Best. Sex. Ever.
Was not kidding about that shit.
But f**k, I miss her wit, her humor, her kindness. I miss the green of her eyes and the softness of her skin.
I miss pouring myself into her and whispering her name like she’s a deity to be worshipped.
None of that matters though, because I am a man. I am stubborn and when I draw my line in the sand, I stick by it.
So I’ve stayed away from Mac this week. I told myself that every day that goes by that I don’t have her, it will be a little easier. I’ll stop missing her so much. I’ll stop worrying about blue balls and only ever having an orgasm by jacking off. Every day I go without her, I’ll appreciate other things in life more, and eventually… I’ll get back on that horse again. Eventually, I’ll have an urge to use One Night Only again.
Eventually.
Oh, who the f**k am I kidding. Every day that goes by the longing and desire for her gets worse. It’s like thirst… you never get used to that wretched pain. It becomes more consuming as every minute ticks by.
So I’m in pain and I haven’t seen her all week because she’s staying far, far away from me. It’s to the point now that I have to make up a stupid excuse just to spend some time with her.
I’m not proud, but I am devious.
Standing up from my desk, I grab a file and walk down to Mac’s office. She’s sitting in her chair, leaning back with those sexy, black heels propped on her desk, reading what looks to be some legal research. It makes the black skirt she’s wearing ride just a little higher than her knee, but it’s the most I’ve seen of Mac in several days, so I’ll take it.
When she sees me, she jolts upright in surprise, pulling her feet off her desk. “What are you doing here?”
I give her a lazy smile. “I work here. Actually, I own the place. ”
She blushes and then gives me a small smile back, which I’m grateful for. I wasn’t sure if she’d throw the stapler at my head when I walked in.
Stepping in a few steps, I hand the file to her. She takes it, curiosity written all over her face. “What’s this?”
“It’s a case I need you to argue the Motion to Compel,” I tell her simply.
“Okay,” she says a little hesitantly, because this will be her first court appearance. “Not a problem. When is it?”
I glance down at my watch. “In about half an hour. ”
I wait for her to erupt. To throw the file at me and call me a douche bag. To tell me to go f**k myself. Any of those reactions would be appropriate. It’s sort of what I’m hoping for, because a heated conversation will probably get us talking about the real elephant in the room. Besides, I’m hoping there will be an opportunity where Mac will be raging at me so hard, I’ll be able to kiss her to shut her up.
None of that happens, though. She just narrows her eyes at me and grits out. “Half an hour?”
Shrugging my shoulders like it’s not a big deal, I say, “Yup. But you shouldn’t worry about it. It’s a slam-dunk motion. No way can you lose it, because the law and the facts are in your favor. ”
“Then why is it even being argued?” she asks with confusion.
She should be confused, because I have no idea why either, other than the fact opposing counsel is a lazy son of a bitch and doesn’t like to work.
“The supporting civil procedure rule is in the file, along with appropriate case law. Read it and you’ll be ready. ”
She opens the file and starts perusing the contents, so I take a moment just to watch her. The way her hair is tied up in a loose bun on her head, her delicate ears that I know are extremely sensitive, the way she’s tapping her foot nervously on the floor right now.
She looks up at me with an apprehensive look on her face and before she can even say anything… voice a single fear, I rush in to save her. “Mac… you don’t have to worry. It’s a piece of cake, and I’ll be by your side. ”
Blinking hard at me, she closes the file and sets it on her desk. “You’re coming with me?”
“Yes. I’ll be there in case you get in any trouble. ”
“Then why don’t you just argue it yourself?” she asks… innocently I might add.
Oh, Mac, Mac, Mac. Don’t you see… don’t you get that this five minutes that I’ve been standing here talking to you have been the best five minutes of my week?
Of course you don’t, because I would never tell you that. It smacks of vulnerability and that is not a word that is ever used in conjunction with Matt Connover.