I brush a hand into his dense fur and stroke. It's not the first time he's saved me and I know it won't be the last time.
We walk back to the cabin. I feel sick and afraid. I have no doubts the army guy is not alone.
My small defenseless cabin is under attack. My shirt around my leg is soaked red and I feel weak. I'm afraid the bullet is still in my thigh. I think about the fact that Anna is the only able bodied person now and we are going to be attacked any moment. My safety and comfort is gone. In my mind I can hear the tearing and the screaming again.
As I walk through the door, Anna helps me to the other chair. I sit on the edge and try not to get blood everywhere.
Leo looks worried. His eyes are concerned and full of expression. He nudges me. I scratch his face and kiss the top of his head.
"I can't believe you thought I shot you. That's really what you think I would do after you help Jake?"
I wobble slightly from blood loss and smirk, "No, but I was scared. I'm glad it wasn’t you."
I feel the chair against the back of my head as the ceiling starts to spin. I feel sick but then everything goes black.
Chapter Four
"Seriously you both have to be hurt. I'm going to get Leo to bite me so someone else gets a turn at laundry and cooking."
Pain shoots everywhere. The light in the cabin is too much. I feel like I'm on a boat like when I was a kid. Everything feels thick like I'm moving through mud.
"Oh you're awake."
I bat my eyelashes at the fuzzy being in front of me.
I feel hands on my face, "But still hot. Anna what did the book say about fevers?"
"I never read that part."
I cough and sniffle, "I need fluids and salt. I need my body to get hydrated again.
Jake brushes his hands over my face, "You look really uncomfortable. Want me to take you to your bed?"
I sit up as best as I can. I feel weak.
"I'm okay here. Did my artery get shot?"
Jake's face comes into view completely, as my vision clears.
He shakes his head, "We don’t think so but you lost a lot of blood. I think you're anemic. Our mom was anemic."
"I eat a lot of meat."
"She always ate a lot of veg though. Something found in radishes and purple cabbage and beets was what her doctor told her."
"Well that would explain it." I feel crabby. My leg hurts.
I look at the huge white bandage on it.
"Who did this? Did you get the bullet out?"
Jake limps back to his bed on the couch, "Anna did it. She did exactly what you did for me. Only you weren’t awake for it."
I catch the bitterness dripping from his statement.
"Stop being a baby I saved you. What about the man?"
Anna brings me a glass of water, "No one else has come but at the same time we haven’t exactly been leaving the cabin."
Leo is sleeping beside the loveseat I am stretched along.
I reach my fingers down and let the tips slide through his fur, "Someone will come looking for him. I think we should go to one of the other houses." I can't believe I've said it. I've never helped anyone. The words feel unnatural for me.
Jake laughs, "You have other houses?"
"Supply houses where I've hidden the food and the supplies. They're all farmhouses with bunkers or shelters and cellars."
Jake whistles softly, "You are an amazing girl Emma. How long have you been alone?"
Visions of my father creep in but I'm too tired to fight them. My lips move on their own. "The whole time. He died, my father died in the first month. When the panic hit the cities and everyone fled." I don't tell them he was the first person I left. The first one I ignored.
I see the pity cross Jake's face, "You were nine?"
I nod once.
"How have you made it this far?"
"I don't help people. I haven’t helped anyone. He told me to run. Always run. Don’t look back Emma just run. Then hide."
Anna sits on the couch beside her brother and beams at me, "Until us."
I look at her and think terrible things about being shot and the fact the man no doubt followed them to my cabin. Instead I smile, "Till you."
Jake reads my thoughts, "And look where it's gotten you. I think you're right. As soon as we get back on our feet we should get moving."
I need to look at the wound on my leg. I need to make sure she did it right.
I lift the leg and ignore the pain. I tear the tape wincing and slowly peel the layers away.
Blood seeps through the closer I get to the wound. I feel nauseous seeing my own blood filter through the cotton. It's stark compared to my blood that has made an image of a flower appear.
The top bandage is soaked. She hasn’t stitched me up properly.
I want to get angry with her but I speak softly, "I need the water boiled and the needle and floss."
She looks hurt, "Did I do it wrong?"
"Yes." I grit my teeth and speak through them, "But you tried."
She passes everything to me on a plate. I want to chuckle at the fact I've been downed by a sniper, but I can't. I should have noticed him, instead of daydreaming about Jake.
I glance up at him. He looks worried.
"How's your leg?"
"Fine. It itches but my fever is gone. It looked really red and angry when Anna changed the bandage earlier."
I point to the bathroom, "Anna I have tea tree oil in the cupboard. It's antiseptic and antibacterial."
She returns with the small blue bottle. My father had left bottles of it in here when he was stock piling his supply cupboards.
She passes it to me. I dump it all over my wound. It doesn’t sting. It feels like nothing, but the smell burns my nose with mint freshness.
I put the lid back on and toss it to Jake. He is sitting in his underwear on the blankets. He undoes the bandage and smothers his leg in the oil.
My fingers tremble as I pour whiskey over them. I try to thread the needle with floss but I can't. I close my eyes and sigh. I feel the cool nose of Leo press against my ankle. I open my eyes and thread the needle. It's the smallest needle we have. I grit my teeth and remember the day my father took me to the San Francisco Pier.
The wind was warm and filled with exotic smells. My stomach rumbled as the breeze lifted my dark blond hair up into the air. People shouted and squealed in joy at every turn. I had never seen a two-story carousel before. I remember the magical feeling of climbing aboard my horse. It had a dark golden mane that matched my hair. I ran my fingers over the warm hard mane and imagined it was real. My father took pictures and waved at me as the ride stared up.
I press the needle into my skin. I am somewhere else. I am the girl on the carousel. Her smile becomes forced as tears slip from her eyes and land on her pale yellow blouse.
Chapter Five
Leo whines. He never whines much but he senses it. I can't look back. The sickening feeling that is creeping around inside of me grows with every step I take. The cabin is a parent, a hug, a haven. It's the only thing I have from before. Turning my back on it feels like cutting myself. Every step I take is a betrayal of my soul.
"We'll come back Emma."
I look over at her. I want to scratch her eyes out and roast her flesh over a spit. My face expresses this. I know because she winces when she meets my eyes.
Leo rubs against my side, his back comes up to my hipbones. I rest my fingers in his coat. I grip the fur, as if holding onto him will ground me and I will get back a semblance of my safety.
Fingers brush my arm and then squeeze. I'm pulled back into an embrace. I want to fight against it but the warmth overwhelms me. I can’t fight my tears and Jake so I let him hug me.
"Emma we will come back one day. We didn’t hide all that food for nothing. It and the wood and the supplies will be here when we come back."
I push his body away from mine and crane my neck to look up into his bright blue eyes, "Don't you see? We can never come back. This is always going to be a place that’s watched. They won't stop until we're all working the farms."
His eyes grow passionate, "We erased all of the signs of life. Give it time. Not that many places have a functioning well Emma. We can't afford to just ignore it."
I want to push him away but a funny thing is happening to my skin when he touches it. It's just like in the books I found in my Granny's closet. He makes me swoon and shiver simultaneously. Then he frustrates me. The romance novels were right.
I shake my head and tear from his grip, "Look we need to get going."
The path down the mountain isn't my favorite hike, but today I feel distracted. I walk quickly listening to the forest song. It speaks of happiness and peace. Leo seems content. His sloppy wolf face is a great indicator of what's what in the forest.
"Anna remember the second house dad hid us at?"
She ignores him. I wish I could.
"I think it was near here. Remember it had the pool and we swam in it to get clean."
I glance at her, her jaw is set.
He looks oblivious, "God then we found that pantry full of food. Cherry pie filling on toast made on the barbeque was my favorite."
I imagine the cherry pie filling for a half a second but catch a glimpse of Leo in my peripheral. He's crouched with his hackles up. He stalks into the long grass.
I imitate him and crouch low. Anna follows along, not from watching me but from seeing Leo. Her eyes haven’t left him.
"What?"
I groan, "Get down." He ducks along with us, but he's too large to actually hide in the grass.
I raise an eyebrow at Anna who rolls her eyes. It makes me snicker. I've never actually snickered before.
"How are you still alive?" I whisper.
She laughs quietly, "Luck. Not even kidding."
I glance back at a red-faced Jake and smirk.
"Nice to see you have an actual personality Em."
I stick my tongue out at him until I hear it.