Papa cleared his throat and faced me with a tight smile. He reached across the table for my hand. His thumb ran over the ring that Diego had placed on my finger only a few hours ago. “He is a good man. Strong. A leader. He will look after you when I am no longer here to do so.” I dropped my eyes, trying to rein in my anger. I did not need a man to look after me. “He has loved you since you were born, princesa.” Papa shook his head fondly. “I remember the day he first saw you. He was smitten. Came to see you every day. He followed you around, hanging off your every word.” Papa showed a hint of smile. It made me smile too.
Papa patted my hand. “You may not love him yet, Adelita. But you will.” Papa got up and kissed my head. “You’re a good daughter. Strong. Innocent, and you know your duty.” I understood the subtext. You will marry Diego regardless of your lack of feelings toward him. My word is law. “The wedding will be in three weeks.”
Shock rendered me speechless. I was paralyzed, unable to move as Papa walked out of my suite. Carmen was through in seconds. “Adelita,” she said quietly. I jumped to my feet before she reached me. I couldn’t let her touch me. I couldn’t let her comfort me. I would fall apart. I would crumble . . .
“I’m going to Father Reyes for confession.” I rushed to my closet and changed. I passed Carmen without speaking and went out to the front of the hacienda. A car was waiting for me; Carmen must have called ahead. “Templo de Santa Maria,” I instructed the driver. He pulled away, and I pulled my scarf over my face to stop him seeing the tears. We passed through the streets, and too many memories came at me at once. I could no longer see my home without seeing Tanner. I could no longer breathe without breathing in Tanner. I could no longer bleed without bleeding for Tanner.
Each heartbeat was his as well as my own.
When we pulled up to the small chapel, I let the driver open the door and escort me inside. Candles were still lit, illuminating the dark room. I reached out to the old stone walls and smiled. I always felt safer here. At peace.
Free.
I let the rows of candles lead me along the aisle and down the stairs until I reached the place I knew Luis would be. As always, he was hunched over his books. “Adelita?” I’d shocked him. He glanced at the clock on his wall. “You’re here late.”
I checked the driver had stayed by the main door. When I faced Luis, my only true friend left here in Mexico, from childhood, I let my eyes fill with water and held up my hand, showing the ring. Luis’s eyes fell in sympathy, and his face paled somewhat. “Adelita,” he whispered. I shook my head. Luis was the one person I could let my guard down with. The only one who truly knew the real me, and . . .
“Tanner,” I whispered, and my voice caught on a pained breath. “Luis . . . what about Tanner?”
Luis rushed over to me and took me in his arms. I cried into his shoulder, hearing him lock the door behind us. Luis let me cry until my legs felt weak and all the energy had drained from my body.
Luis and I sat on his small couch. He held my hand, just like he had done, years ago, when I’d fallen for the prince of the Ku Klux Klan . . . when Tanner had had to leave me . . . and in the months, then years, when I didn’t hear from him. When he didn’t return.
“Diego was always determined,” Luis eventually said. He sighed and faced me. I knew my face would look tired and worn. Luis squeezed my hand tighter. “When?”
“Three weeks,” I said, my voice broken with sadness. I laughed without humor. “I’m sure you’ll be told come morning.” Luis was the priest my family used—the entire cartel used. My father had helped him achieve his goal of becoming a priest—of course, having someone loyal and connected to the family worked in our favor. But Luis was also my friend. And the only person who knew about Tanner and me. I had told him in confession.
Luis nodded. “And you still haven’t heard from Tanner?”
“No.”
Luis ran his hand over his face. “I . . . I don’t know how to stop this for you, Lita. I have no idea how to make this go away.”
“Refuse,” I said, joking, but wishing it could be true. “Refuse to marry us.”
He leaned against me. “I wish I could.”
“I love him,” I said. The only other sound in the room besides our breathing was the small clock on the wall. “I still love him, Luis. So damn much.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I wish I could stop, but I don’t know how.” My vision blurred with tears. “I just wish I could see him. I wish I could talk to him. Hold his hand . . . see what he looks like now.” I smiled. “If he has more tattoos. If he has grown out his hair.” My chest ached with the pain of his absence. “If he looks older . . . if he still rarely smiles . . .”
“Lita—”
“I know it’s futile, Luis. I know I am to marry Diego. And I know the life I am bound to.” I faced Luis. “I just needed to speak to someone who knows about us.” I glanced at the seat beside me. And I could see the ghost of Tanner beside me, his hand holding mine. He was so clear to me he could have been sitting here with me only yesterday. Memories faded over time, yet my memories of Tanner never did. They were vibrant and rich in color. Just as alive as he was to my heart.
“It was always a doomed love, Lita,” Luis said. I knew he wasn’t being harsh. It was true. “The heir of the Ku Klux Klan and the Quintana cartel princesa. In every way possible you were not meant to fall in love.”
“I fell in love with his soul, Luis. Not his skin color or the family he was raised in. And he fell for mine.” I exhaled a long breath. “In a perfect world, we would be together.”
“Lita, you and I know that this life, the life we belong to . . . it is far from perfect. The world he is from . . .” Luis paused, seemingly struggling for words. “I mean, he didn’t like you at first, simply because you’re Mexican. Strongly disliked you, Adelita.”
“I know.” It was true. But hate eventually turned to love.
“It’s been over two years, Lita . . .” Luis’s voice drifted to nothing in the stale room. “He hasn’t returned—”
“It’s not safe,” I tried to argue, but I felt the seeds of doubt start to plant in my stomach.
“No word, Lita. The Klan and your family are still as close as ever. And now they are at war together.”
“I can’t find anything out.” I thought back to all of the times I’d tried to listen in on my father’s meetings with the Klan representatives. Of the times I’d listened to Diego’s phone calls. Begged my father to let me in, to no avail. I wiped a stray tear that had fallen from my eye. “But he is never mentioned.”
“Maybe he’s moved on . . .”
“We made a promise.” My words were steel. “We made a vow to one another. I will not let that go. I won’t . . . can’t.”
“Two years ago, Lita. In this life, the life you’re in—that he’s in—that’s a very long time.” I knew Luis was making sense. But just the thought of never seeing Tanner again . . . never having him hold my hand and kiss my mouth, never having him above me, making love to me. Him inside me . . . “I don’t know how to live this life without the hope of him in my heart. The hope of us, the hope of what, together, we could be.”
With every day that passed in those two years, that bright light of hope had dimmed to a whispered flicker of a dying star. There had been no word. No fight to be beside me.
He hadn’t come for me like he’d promised.
“Lita, I hate to say this, but . . . I think it’s time that you move on.” I flinched as if he’d struck me. Luis’s hand gripped mine tighter. “Listen to me, Lita. You deserve to be happy.”
“I can never be happy with Diego.” My voice was rock-solid with conviction.
“You aren’t happy waiting for Tanner either.” Luis paused for a tense second, then said, “You don’t live, Lita; you exist. That’s no life to have.” Luis sighed. “He may have moved on. He may have found someone else. Someone who doesn’t stand against everything he is, was raised to be.” Luis rubbed his head as if he had a headache. ?
?He is to inherit the Klan in Texas. You are Quintana’s daughter. How will your love ever work? He can’t have you as his in his world. And you certainly cannot have him in yours. Your father would kill him on the spot.”