I winced, the sound of my voice monotone and slightly higher in pitch than most people. But Levi’s finger smoothed the lines on my forehead and his smile lit up my world.
“I love,” he started, “I love that you saved your voice for me, that you gave your voice to me.”
For a worrying moment I still couldn’t believe if he was telling the truth or not. But there it was, in his eyes. He meant every single word.
It was a gift. It was freedom.
He’d given me back my voice.
“No more silence,” Levi said, and pulled me close. I felt him shift so that his mouth was nearer my right ear, the ear from which I could hear. “Not with me, Elsie. No more silence with me. Even if it’s only with me.”
Levi shifted on the seat, gently guiding me to sit up. The pod suddenly stopped, and the guy operating the wheel opened the door for us to get out. Without taking his arm from around my shoulders, Levi guided me from the pod and we began walking back to the car. I wrapped my arm around his waist. I couldn’t help but feel safe under his protection.
When we were far enough from the wheel, far away from anyone around us, Levi asked, “Did you like the wheel, Elsie?”
I looked up and nodded my head, only for Levi to patiently wait. I knew it was for me to speak. He may have been quiet, but part of him was unwavering, showing he wasn’t all shyness after all. “I loved it,” I said quietly, and Levi proudly threw me a smile.
Warmth burst in my chest, my body lighter now that my trapped voice had been set free. Levi’s arm dropped from my shoulder and he took my hand in his. I frowned, wondering why he’d let go, when he explained, “I wanna see your face when we talk.”
I breathed in the salty sea air, and stared out over the water. My fingers, joined with Levi’s, tightened, and I cast him a smile. Levi lowered his head and said, “You’re real pretty.”
I shook my head. I wasn’t, he was, but I loved hearing such a sentiment issuing from his lips. Ignoring a tightening in my stomach, I said, “The view from the wheel,” I paused as I fought the urge to be silent, “it was beautiful.”
Levi sighed and nodded his head. We were not far from the car when Levi asked, “What’s your favorite sight, Elsie? What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve seen?”
The happiness I was feeling fled, only to be replaced by a deep sadness. Levi must have noticed the dramatic switch because he questioned, “What? What’s wrong?”
I stared down at the floor, then knowing I wanted to share a little more of who I was, to open up to this boy, I stopped under the light of a streetlight.
I could see the frown on Levi’s face, but I wanted to do this. I had never told anyone who I was, what my life was like. I’d never told anyone, shown anyone… her.
Releasing Levi’s hand, who remained as silent as a statue, I took off my gloves, pushing the warm material into my pocket. The wind blew colder this close to the water, but I fought the chill to reach into my shirt and pull out my locket. I saw Levi’s attention turn to the necklace, and his frown slipped into an expression of curiosity.
“Your locket?” he asked. “You find your locket most beautiful?”
“Yes,” I replied, then continued “and no.”
Levi’s frown returned to his handsome face, when I lifted my fingers to open the tiny clasp. Levi watched my every move. I stepped further into the street light, opening the locket to reveal what I treasured most.
Levi stepped closer, his eyes narrowed as he studied the small picture. I knew he would understand when he saw the treasure inside: a picture of my mom, young and smiling. Beautiful; the most beautiful thing in my world.
“Elsie,” Levi whispered, and placed his finger under my finger to lift the locket closer. He studied the picture for what felt like an age, before he correctly guessed, “Your mamma?”
“Yes,” I replied, and covered Levi’s hand with my own. His eyes fell down to mine, and I could see the understanding shining back. I could see the same understanding of loss in his gaze, that I knew was in my own.
“She was beautiful,” he said, my throat clogging at the fact someone was paying my mom a compliment. No one ever did. She was judged her whole life, right up until the day she died.
But she was my mom. I loved her most in the world.
I hadn’t realized I was crying until Levi moved closer, and brushed his thumb over my cheek capturing the falling droplet. I thought he would speak. I was waiting for him to ask me how she’d died. Ask me what happened—the one thing I couldn’t disclose. The pain was too much.
Instead his hand moved down, and as gentle as a whisper, he closed the locket, lifting my hand to press a kiss to the back of my fingers. I tried not to fall apart out on the street where anyone could see. But Levi’s silence, his gesture that he was here for me, not pushing me to speak of what hurt me most, meant I couldn’t hold back my emotion if I tried.
Levi pulled me to his chest and wrapped his strong muscled arms around me. I fell against his chest, and cried. I had opened the Pandora’s box that held in check my tears and pain.
Levi’s breath was ragged in my ear, so much so I could almost feel the pain of his loss. He held me on that spot for minutes and minutes. He held me until the last tear fell, until my throat and chest were raw.
Slipping my hand up to press on his chest, I eased back and nodded my head. Levi cupped my face in response, leaning in to press the sweetest kiss to my lips. I cast a watery smile, Levi took hold of my hand.
As we walked, cold air filled my lungs, melting my sorrow. But Levi was quiet. Too quiet. I had come to understand that walking in silence, for us two, was comfortable. We didn’t need words. We didn’t need to fill the air between us with meaningless conversation. I could walk beside him all day, his hand holding mine or his arm around my shoulder pulling me close, and I’d be the happiest girl in the world.
But this time seemed different.
This silence was strained. Levi’s hand was tense and hard, the tension thick with sadness? Emotion? I couldn’t quite tell.
I wondered if I had upset him by showing him my mom’s picture. I wondered if seeing the picture of my mom had brought back too many bad memories for him. But I didn’t dare ask, not after all he had done for me today, not after our sweet kisses. I didn’t want him to be upset. I didn’t want to end the day with him in pain.
Reaching the Jeep, I buckled my belt and sat quietly, waiting for Levi to take us home. But he sat still in the driver’s side, staring down at the wheel. I could see his eyes were unfocused. I could see he was thinking, one side of his bottom lip was sucked into his mouth.
I turned to look out of the window. The crescent moon shone brightly in the sky. The silver moon made me think of Levi’s eyes; the pretty gray like liquid silver, like moonbeams put there by God to make him stand out.
“I wanna show you something, Elsie,” he abruptly rasped out.
“Okay,” I replied, when I caught the heaviness in his voice. Butterflies flew in my chest, only out of nerves this time. Because whatever he was about to show me wasn’t anything light. Whatever it was cut him up inside. Crashed his gentle spirit.
My stomach churned.
Hating to see him so troubled, I leaned over and placed my hand on his thigh. Levi sucked in a breath, then tilted his head to the side to see me better. I watched him exhale, then he put the Jeep in gear and moved us out.