The tent got very quiet. They were looking at me like I was mad. And, truth be told, I didn’t feel entirely sane. But I was done being shuffled across the True Sea and half of Ravka by people trying to use me and my power.
Nikolai gave a nervous laugh. “The people love you, Alina, but I was thinking of a more symbolic title—”
“I’m not a symbol,” I snapped. “And I’m tired of being a pawn. ”
“No,” Mal said. “It’s too dangerous. It would be like painting a target on your back. ”
“I already have a target on my back,” I said. “And neither of us will ever be safe until the Darkling is defeated. ”
“Have you even held a command?” Nikolai asked.
I’d once led a seminar of junior mapmakers, but I didn’t think that was what he meant.
“No,” I admitted.
“You have no experience, no precedent, and no claim,” he said. “The Second Army has been led by Darklings since it was founded. ”
By one Darkling. But this wasn’t the time to explain that.
“Age and birthright don’t matter to the Grisha. All they care about is power. I’m the only Grisha to ever wear two amplifiers. And I’m the only Grisha alive powerful enough to take on the Darkling or his shadow soldiers. No one else can do what I can. ”
I tried to put confidence in my voice, even though I wasn’t sure what had come over me. I just knew I was tired of living in fear. I was tired of running. And if Mal and I were to have any hope of locating the firebird, we needed answers. The Little Palace might be the only place to find them.
For a long moment, the three of us just stood there.
“Well,” Nikolai said. “Well. ”
He drummed his fingers on the tabletop, considering. Then he rose and offered me his hand.
“All right, Summoner,” he said. “Help me win the people, and the Grisha are yours. ”
“Really?” I blurted.
Nikolai laughed. “If you plan to lead an army, you’d better learn to act the part. The proper response is, ‘I knew you’d see sense. ’”
I took his hand. It was roughly calloused. The hand of a pirate, not a prince. We shook.
“As for my proposal,” he began.
“Don’t push your luck,” I said, snatching my hand back. “I said I’d go with you to Os Alta, and that’s it. ”
“And where will I go?” Mal said quietly.
He stood with his arms crossed, watching us with steady blue eyes. There was blood on his brow from the crash of the Hummingbird. He looked tired and very, very far away.
“I … I thought you’d go with me,” I stammered.
“As what?” he asked. “The captain of your personal guard?”
I flushed.
Nikolai cleared his throat. “As much as I’d love to see how this plays out, I do have some arrangements to make. Unless, of course—”
“Get out,” Mal ordered.
“Right, then. I’ll leave you to it. ” He hastened away, stopping only to retrieve his sword.
The silence in the tent seemed to stretch and expand.
“Where is all this going, Alina?” Mal asked. “We fought our way out of this saintsforsaken place, and now we’re sinking right back into the swamp. ”
I lowered myself to the cot and rested my head in my hands. I was exhausted, and every bone in my body ached.
“What am I supposed to do?” I pleaded. “What’s happening here, what’s happening to Ravka—part of the blame belongs to me. ”
“That isn’t true. ”
I gave a hollow laugh. “Oh yes it is. If it weren’t for me, the Fold wouldn’t be growing. Novokribirsk would still be standing. ”
“Alina,” Mal said, crouching down in front of me and laying his hands on my knees, “even with all the Grisha and a thousand of Sturmhond’s guns, you aren’t strong enough to stop him. ”