“I hope you aren’t going to question your new…” He paused. “…guardian like that, Cosima. Remember, respect. Have I taught you nothing?”
“Yes. You’ve taught me to distrust men, never blindly obey anyone, and to curse God for giving you the capacity to father children,” I said blandly.
I could focus on the hatred of my father that blazed like a dying star in my belly instead of that awful fear threatening to overwhelm me.
Hatred was more powerful than fear. One was a shield and an armament I could utilize while the other could only be weaponised against me.
“Be grateful someone is willing to pay for you.”
“How much?” I had refrained from asking so far, but my pride wouldn’t allow me to go on unknowing. How much was I worth? How much money could be found in the flare of my hip and the divot of my collarbone, in the meat of my tits and the folds of my sex?
It was his turn to grind his teeth, but I wasn’t surprised that he didn’t answer me. Honestly, I didn’t think even he knew. It was a perverted friend of a perverted friend of my father who had set up the interaction, some human trafficker that Seamus had played cards with one time when he was drunk enough to admit he needed money and give away the secret of his beautiful daughter, the virgin. His trump card, as he often, tenderly, referred to me as.
The news had gotten back to the Camorra, and the rest was history.
“For how long?” I asked, and it wasn’t the first time I’d done so. “He can’t possibly own me for the rest of my natural born life?”
“No,” he conceded. “A period of five years was promised… with the possibility of renewing the contract again for double the price.”
“And how much of this dirty money will Mama and my siblings see?” I demanded even as my mind whirred.
Five years.
Five.
I’d be twenty-three when all was said and done. If I was off the modelling track for that long, I would be too old to continue to any kind of fame and fortune. I could have done without both, but I wanted to be able to provide for my family until the end of their days.
If I were a twenty-three-year-old washed-up model without any education to speak of, I wouldn’t be able to do that.
So, some of the windfall from my sale had to go to my family.
There wasn’t any other option.
“Enough to cover my debts,” he admitted, adjusting his sweaty hands on wheel. “Nothing more.”
I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the windowpane, bringing up the sepia toned snapshot of my childhood home in my mind’s eye. A box of concrete pasted together by crumbling mortar and bandaged with planks of brittle wood my brother had cut himself. It was a small home on the outskirts of Naples in a part of town the tourists could never reach even if they became lost. My city was a place of dangers and illusions; webs cast between buildings and at the end of roads, catching you in their sticky fibers just as you reached for a promise behind the netting. No one could escape it, yet tourists came, and people stayed.
I didn’t want my family to be condemned to those depths forever. There was no way I was going to sell my life away for anything less than security for my family.
Seamus shot me a concerned look. “I can feel you thinking, Cosi. Put a stop to it right now. You are in no position to ask for anything more.”
“And you are in no position to tell me what to do or think,” I retorted.
Just when I thought I had a lock on the anger, he had to do something to break those chains. I hated the taste of fury in my throat, and the metallic bite of it on my tongue. I wasn’t a senseless, angry woman. I was passionate, but to a point.
Elena had taught me from a young age that if you could understand something, its motivation or context, you held power over it and over your reaction to it.
I tried to channel that now as I sat in a car with my father on the way to my new master with little to no assurances for the people I was even doing this for.
As the car pulled farther away from the spidery tendrils, I could feel the throbbing pulse of the city recede at my back. It wasn’t beautiful like the rest of the country, though it rested on the ocean. The harbor was industrial, and though it was only an hour away from Roma, unemployment plagued Neapolitans like the Black Death, and it showed in the dirty faces of adolescent pickpockets and garbage strewn across the walkways in place of pretty flower boxes. People were tired in my hometown, and it showed. But I wondered how people couldn’t find a certain beauty in that?